Friday, December 30, 2005

The Self Help Guide to the Top 5 TV shows Of 2005 you did not see.

Don't tell me you're too busy to watch TV. What are you doing, saving the world? No you're not you're too busy jacking off to porn on the internet like me. Only I have a smaller penis and cum faster, and you have to "find your spot again" each time. That's why I will always have time to watch things you've never heard of.

  1. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia-from FX the good folks who brought you the Shield and Tip/Nuck. "About four people who own a bar in the titular city and somehow always wind up having comic misadventures, usually very un-PC." Funniest show on TV. Maybe. Three of the four stars actually write and direct it.
  2. Starved -"about the daily lives of four friends with eating disorders who live in New York."
  3. 30 days -"Capitalizing on the success of the hit documentary Super Size Me, creator Morgan Spurlock launched a new series, 30 Days, on FX . The series puts its subjects in situations uncomfortable to them for 30 days, such as making millionaires work for minimum wage, and having Christians live in a Muslim community."My fave show on TV other than Frontline.
  4. Invasion- Some people think this is just a cheap rip off of Lost. But it's more like the last few episodes of X-files. It will infuriate you by withholding details of a conspiracy that we already aware of. But we love it anyways.
  5. How I Met Your Mother-Good cast. This show has more potential than most of your run of the mill network comedies simply because you like the characters.They should hire some funny writers soon.
Sources: Wikpedia and FX

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I was eating a cookie when I read this.

Dead Enough?: The Paradox of Brain Death

"I have to admit that despite all I know about brain death, I still have my moments of uncertainty. More than once, when I have pulled my scalpel across the warm, pliable skin of a donor and seen the exuberant reds of well-oxygenated bleeding, my mother's old nagging doubts have insinuated themselves into my forebrain. I have found myself thinking about the donors' lives and asking the nurses who have met their families what they were like.

As I push aside the still contracting intestines and inadvertently brush my hands against the remnants of the previous day's meal within, I cannot help but think about that last meal and whether the donors and the people they were with had any inkling of the near future.

More than once, as I have procured organs, I have had my doubts. But it was not that, like my mother, I was afraid that these donors were not dead enough; it was that I regretted having to keep them so alive."

Speaking of warm gooey cookies:

"The National Security Agency's Internet site has been placing files on visitors' computers that can track their Web surfing activity despite strict federal rules banning most of them."

Monday, December 26, 2005

The Self Help Guide to the 2 Most Underated Cars in History.

This is my personal list of the "coolest cars" that would not make it only any official ranking. I have chosen cars based on "affordable" coolness.

  1. The El Camino-part car, part pickup. Before there were SUV's or minivans or hybrids, Chevy produced what can only be described as the greatest American car ever made.
  2. The Mercury Capri --5.o power, like a mustang for hillbillies.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

The Self Help Guide to cereal. Batman cereal.


THE COST: 99 cents

WAS IT WORTH IT? you'd have to be pretty shitty cereal not to be worth 99 cents

RATING: * 1/2 stars

Review: Post's attempt at a marshmallow cereal shows it's not as easy as Lucky charms and Count Chocula make it appear. Count Chocula is my favorite cereal so when I saw the sale for Batman Cereal I had to try it.

The best thing going for this cereal is the cocaoa flavored "cereal" part. The marshmallow's really disapoint. There are not in the shape of bats, but tiny round pellets. The cereal never gets soggy, but there is not enough marshmallow for flavor. Post doesn't get that kids want marshmallowes in a marshmallow cereal.

I could not find a pic of The Batman Cereal and had to settle for this Batman returns version. The limited version "the batman cereal" is a take off of the animated series I believe, not the recent movie. If you have to pay full price for it forget it, but at 99 cents the kids could be fooled into thinking you care about their taste buds.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Merry X-Mas

Here is a blast from the past on Santa Claws.

When you finally make it back to the parking lot you are clapp, clapp, clapping. Clapping like a three year old, who has just been told that cookies are for dinner and cake is for dessert. A three year old who still believes in Santa, never mind that the fat, jolly, old elf with his swarmy fucking Norwegian smile won't be sharing his cookies , won't be sharing his milk.Never mind the 10 inch butcher's knife protruding from Santa's sack that he's been saving for daddy. Never mind Santa chopping into daddy's neck and storing daddy's blood in stockings designed especially for all the bad boys like your brother Sammy.

Mean old Sammy who likes to hold your face in the mudd till your just about to breathe."Don't worry" Santa says. "I take care of puckers like him. I cut off their balls and then I serve them raw to little girls like you . I call them cherry bombers . Now , just swallow it down with one big gulp like a good girl , till it pops out yo ass and grows a bush in that filth you forget to wipe away each morning."

A bush your Uncle Billy would sure like to stick his fingers into. Unlike stickin' it to your Aunty Ann who hasn't had his attention since you were born , and who's been too busy to notice you. Too busy arguing with Oprah, too busy fingering her crotch with her newest toy. Toys you won't be getting for some time. Toys you wouldn't be caught dead playing with.Instead you'll just feel the vomit bulging in your neck ,ready to explode, to burst forth with a comedic force , showering old Santa in a prism hue of pink and chunky. You feel so lightheaded , dizzy. And the stifling bark of Effexor is pulsing in your head. You can feel the neurotransmitters ping ponging back and forth in your skull. You can taste the bile in the back of your throat and you can barely swallow.

You can look up at Santa with your child like eyes. Those precious kitten like eyes peering up with innocence, you can do all that while staring at the plate of missing cookies you were promised for dinner. You can glance side ways down the hall into the bedroom that Momma once shared with Poppa.

You can almost feel the heat from his released blood spilling out into space.The laws of thermodynamics then take over , and you can rest assured that whatever warmth Poppa once gave to you, he is now sharing with the whole universe. A cold universe made only a smidgen warmer by the lactose intolerant carcass that now rests at just the paticular angle needed to provide a backside view of your father's ass.

An ass covered with ingrown hairs protruding forward with a vulgar urbanity, spewing forth carbuncles of puss that wait to be popped like Britney Spears vulva on a Florida trailer park restroom floor. A floor covered in the grime of white trash piss and stink ,the piss and stink of men who don't care where they piss, or what they piss on. Men who know that no one else cares where they piss or what they they piss on."Stop staring at your father's arse you little whore."

Who knew a fucking Norwegian saint could speak in a British accent, and a lower Cadsden accent at that.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The Self Help Guide to finding something nice to say.

Even if it's about Osama Bin Laden. Let's see..

  1. He's no friend to the infedel.
  2. He's kick ass RICH
  3. He's Tall (girls are you listening?)

But most imporatanly his niece is fucking HOT!!!

Read about her "music" career here.

Source: Sploid

Thursday, December 22, 2005

MY HERO Paul Lafargue-friend to the lazy, and working class hero.

On behalf of all those hidden commies out there:

" Paul Lafargue produced a pamphlet titled The Right to Be Lazy. Like most of his 19th century contemporary activists, he condemned the twelve-to-fourteen-hour factory workday, but unlike his father-in-law [Karl Marx], he didn't just critique the conditions of labor--he went after labor itself. "In capitalist society," he wrote, "work is the cause of all intellectual degeneracy, of all organic deformity."

" Lafargue dismissed the "right to work" that other socialists demanded. He asked, instead, for the right to lie around on the daybed, the right to read and to nap, the right to feast and to make love. He declared the right to endless leisure."

Go here for the rest of the article.


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Change my name..change my name (in the sing song of say my name.)

I am thinking about changing the name of this here blog. Ever since I was fired I really don't have a reason to keep calling this the "Self Help Center." But I damn sure don't wanna lose my 5 point google page ranking.

Any Ideas?

Monday, December 19, 2005

BBC NEWS | UK | Singapore to partly lift gum ban

BBC NEWS UK Singapore to partly lift gum ban:

"Singapore is preparing to partially lift its famous ban on chewing gum - in order to comply with a free trade agreement with the United States.

But only gum aimed at helping smokers to quit will be allowed when the new rules come into effect on Thursday.

The penalty for smuggling gum into the country is one year in jail, and a 10,000 Singapore dollar ($5,500) fine."

Wired News: Testing Drugs on India's Poor

Wired News: Testing Drugs on India's Poor

Pick me up a new lung while your at it.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Thursday, December 08, 2005

A blog is suppposed to have links and commentary.

According to the Gothamist I am not allowed to call this a "blog" if I don't follow the rules. So I guess I better start "linking" more and then commenting. I already have a hard enough time trying not to sound like I "associate with 16 year old girls, writing in bad grammar on Live Journal."

I think I am far more cultured than that, more like say 21 year olds who use spell check.

You should read the following every morning:

  1. Arts and Letters Daily
  2. Salon

Then you'll be as smart as me. But since you don't I will continue to steal posts from them and call them my own.

I once fucked Lindsay Lohan in the back of an El Camino.

She made me wear a Wilmer Valderamma mask, it was kinda humiliating. I have one of those portable DVD players and she insisted we had to have That 70's show reruns on in the back ground.

I am not the only person perplexed by Lindsay's crush on WV the folks over at The Superficial are simply terrified of Wilmer "He is obviously some sort of alien and/or demigod, because there's no other explanation for his Sauron-like hold over hollywood starlets. I'd like to ascribe Lohan's ongoing obsession with him to either 1) a bad father, 2) drugs, or 3) general whorishness, but can't. This whole thing is like an episode of the X-files. I just hope Lindsay figures it out before she ends up in a space-pod on Rigel-7."

Couldn't agree more.

P.s. I am totally buying another El Camino with my student loans this year. Thanks, Uncle Sam!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

If you missed it.

I was quite incredible at Fat Cat's on the birthday. I gave a rousing rendition of Gloria by Laura Branigan. Think Bill Shatner meets the announcer to Saturday Night Live. Standing "O" from the audience.

I also ignored my friends and made out all night with my on again off again, was there really a relationship thingy kinda girlfriend (I am not his girlfirend-she will say if you ask her). Everyone was pretty pissed when she did not put out. Quote "You wilt like a flower around her."

Ok, maybe, but seriously that may be the gayest way of saying I was a pussy ever. Way gayer than watching Knotts Landing

I know FoxxxyLove felt ignored, but foxxxy always feels ignored when every ounce of attention I can muster is not placed on her. I will buy a Coach Bag for you for your birthday. I believe Bill Parcells has a great new line.

There was even a FRO sighting at the local I-hop. I stayed up till 7am watching Kill Bill 2.


Friday, December 02, 2005

Does watching the Knots Landing reunion show make me gay?

For those of you who were old enough to get my reference then you realize that watching a reunion show about a spin off of Dallas means I shuold be at least question my maniliness.

For the others, those of you who surf the net, your probably wondering just what the hell Dallas is (does he mean the city?)

I think it was just the fact that I cried three times during the reunion (Val and Garry have a such a real chemistry) that worries me. Maybe I should just get back on Prozac.

Oh hell Abby was such a bitch, but damn she looked good.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, hero to the working poor.

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, will bring 12 million discounted gallons to needy families in Massachusetts. Citgo, owned by Venezuela, is selling the oil 60 to 80 cents gallons less than the market rate to needy families.

Regarding the acknowledged animosity between President George W. Bush and Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, it was insisted that the day was not about political "one ups-man-ship." "This, today, is about people. It is not about politics."

Sadly, it takes a pinko commie from another country to help the working poor with gas prices in America.

The article is here. Thanks, Sploid.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Raising the minimuim wage did not hurt the economy in Florida.

Before last year's elections,( on a a political action committee backed by the likes of Publix Super Markets and Outback Steakhouse had some hair-raising predictions about the effect of bumping up the minimum wage.

Thousands of jobs would be lost if voters increased the state's rock-bottom wage to $6.15 from $5.15, said one e-mail sent out by the Coalition to Save Florida Jobs.
Jobs would be outsourced overseas, the e-mail said. Even companies that paid above the minimum wage would be forced to raise pay for everyone, said retailers and restaurants that opposed the amendment.

Today, though, it's hard to find much wreckage in the Florida retailing and restaurant industries, the two groups that bankrolled the Coalition to Save Florida Jobs.

Seventy-one percent of Florida voters passed the increase, and since the new minimum wage was implemented in May, retail stores and restaurants have added tens of thousands of employees.

Monday, November 14, 2005

How to piss Maddox off.

Piss off Maddox by practicing "random" moments of surrealism in your life.

Lesson number the movie Spanglish on the Spanish SAP audio channel or HBO Spanish. Try it. It's fun.

(Maddox once wrote apeice on how people think they are funny if they blurt out random shit. Since that's my whole act I kinda got pissed for him calling me out on that. now that I have had to explain an inside joke that was shared by me only, "I hope you get the joke.")

Friday, November 11, 2005

Peter Gallagher Sings

Crimes against humanity. That was my first impression when I heard film and television star Peter Gallagher sing. Apparently after a performance on his TV show the O.C. someone got the idea that subjecting the world to the "vocal stylings" of Pete would equip Al Qaeda with a destructive bomb more powerful that an atomic weapon. They were right.

For the love of god, some one put him out of his misery. A rabid dog in this country would receive more care and protection.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

People from Kansas are stupidier than me.

Always the glutton for punishment Kansas recently turned back science to the 18th century in a tit for tat "no I really am that stupid" voting sequence the Three Stooges would have been proud of.

"For the third time in six years the Kansas school board has rewritten standards with evolution as the central issue."

The effects of this strange new ruling will be felt through out the community by scientists, doctors and of course barbers.

"We find leeches to be effective for the treatment of cancer and sour stomach." Said one barber from Supercuts.

"Actually we prefer hair stylist now." I was corrected by the comely young lass who had her hands drenched in a bucket of blood.

"Doctors won't be allowed to practice medicines anymore, so I have to start practicing with these." She explained while holding up a squishy pair of leeches and eels.

In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena.

"I liked that part the best." replied god when he was asked how he felt about the changes. But when asked for his/her response Krishna wasn't so sure "It seems to me that religion and science shouldn't be separated, that's what the Vedic literature teaches."

"I thought we killed that pagan idol a long time ago." A reflective god mused regarding his lack of influence on the billion or so Hindus who have failed to master the antinomies of monotheism and the trinity.
"At least I got me some republicans in Kansas."

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The Self Help of Insanity and Marriage.

In my former life as a library assistant* I was continually asked to find reference materials on the requirements for marriage and the conditions needed for an annulment. One of the ways I discovered that you can sneak out of a marriage was to have one of the parties labeled "insane."

In addition one of Arizona's statutes explicitly states "a first cousins may marry if both are sixty-five years of age or older or if one or both first cousins are under sixty-five years of age, upon approval of any superior court judge in the state if proof has been presented to the judge that one of the cousins is unable to reproduce." Nice to know sterilization is still offered for those "deviants" who would like to marry, but do not want to place an undue burden on the state welfare system.

Not knowing the history of proscribable marriages I thought it was kinda goofy, but harmless. As I am now in the middle of reading Edwin Black's War Against the Weak a book which details the crimes of Eugenics here in America, my opinion has been considerably altered.

The book describes in detail "how by identifying so-called "defectives" (many so called feeble-minded, insane, and epileptics) were subjected "to a legislated segregation and sterilization program" which deprived thousands of the natural rights to be married and to procreate.

According to the book, the history of prohibited marriages in America has more to do with racial discrimination and upperclass dominance, than the thinly disguised excuses of hygiene. The key decision was Buck vs. Bell (for all my law friends) which opened the floodgates that eventually allowed the government to systematically sterilize and castrate some 30,000 people. A total of at least 60,000 between the years of 1890 and 1940.

It was easy and not unusual to label "promiscuous women" as feebleminded. Not that it took much (shockingly little) to label women as promiscuous or prostitutes back then. I must note that this website has in many ways insulted the lower class, promiscuous women, defectives and deviants, so my outrage may come as a surprise to any remaining long time readers.

But I suggest, there is a bit of difference between my sarcasms and intentional use of satire in contradistinction to members of the legislature who actively cut off people's balls. I prefer the old fashioned method of ridicule. Sticks and stones do the breaking of bones.

*I would like it noted that I am not a lawyer and any use or misuse of the materials (which are given for entertainment purposes only) that you view on this site is at your own risk. I cannot expect or even hope to have all the lawyers who read this dribble rescue me with correct legal advice. Anyways I am not in the business of engaging in the unauthorized practice of law. That would be wrong, plus the state no longer pays me to give out poor legal advice.

If you are not married and have not established paternity who am I to tell you to grab the Packet for Paternity plus custody?

Happy November!!

Why is November such a great month? Well of course there is my upcoming B-day. Have you thought about what you are getting me for my birthday? Remember I have expensive taste. I will be turning the big Three-five. I am older than Jesus.

November 29, is also the premier of the second season of the Gastineau Girls.

How much more excitement can you get?

Thursday, November 03, 2005

What the internet is for.

The internets are for people without a face for television, the voice for radio, or the writing ability of journalists from the Weekly News.

I fit right in.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Fat has a taste.

"In experiments with rodents, French scientists identified a receptor on the tongue that appears to detect dietary fat. This counters the traditional view that the taste buds pick up only five basic flavors: sweet, sour, salty, bitter and "umami," -- a flavor associated with the food additive monosodium glutamate (MSG)."

I know most of my friends thought I made up the "umami" spice so here is the proof that I did not. Now I know why I am gonna keep getting fat, it's just my tongue's fault. I may go home and rip it out.

"The fact that the tongue harbors receptors for fatty acids could shed new light on appetite control and obesity, according to the researchers, led by Philippe Besnard of the University of Bourgogne."

Bloggers without borders.

Tips regarding staying anonymous on the blogosphere. Handy little ditty that might have prevented yours truly from getting fired.

Here's another tip, don't use company e-mail to send links to your blog. Get used to it, we live in the Surveillance Society.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Why the Future should scare you.

You can read the last two reasons why the future should worry you here at my great blog Bathos for the Misanthropic.

  1. Cyborgs
  2. mad cow disease
  3. the end of men/genetic manipulation/the new eugenics
  4. chimeras or hybrids
  5. supercomputers

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

I am not getting any money for this...but...

Will someone please tell Howard Stern about Cottenelle's? He goes on and on about having to wet down tissues, when there is a much better alternative. By the way if any of you are not using this product it will change your life.

Just do an experiment (what can I say I live for empiricism) wipe your ass one day regular style. Then use the cottenelle. If you have anything left your not alone, so go buy it. This is the 21 st century it's about time we have toilet paper that befits this period of invention. We no longer torture people who eat crackers , we should no longer use toilet paper invented when the Sun revolved around the Earth.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Katrina evacuees using federal assistance money are living the high life with alcohol and strippers

Katrina evacuees using federal assistance money are living the high life with alcohol and strippers.

The newspaper's investigation recorded "a virtual parade of evacuees from a bus stop in the Wal-Mart parking lot in Falmouth to nearby liquor stores. "Some emerged and openly swilled from brown-bagged containers, while others poured booze into jugs or plastic cups and casually sipped drinks at the Wal-Mart bus stop."

At a Mashpee strip club, a dancer named Angel told the newspaper she had done several lap dances for evacuees, who tipped her $5 each time

They say you get 3 million dollar ideas a year. "A friend of mine" came up with his soon after reading that story. "Go to the Astrodome and sell rims." ( I likes me the spinning kind.) He says. "You could make a fortune."

"2000 dollar debit cards can get you some fancy ass rims and a nice healthy profit margin." Not that I support that "friend" I think he's a racist ass-hole. He then suggested opening a Popeyes franchise near the Dome if there isn't one.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Judge: School Pledge Is Unconstitutional -

Judge: School Pledge Is Unconstitutional - Yahoo! News: "The case was brought by the same atheist whose previous battle against the words 'under God' was rejected last year by the Supreme Court on procedural grounds.
U.S. District Judge Lawrence Karlton ruled that the pledge's reference to one nation 'under God' violates school children's right to be 'free from a coercive requirement to affirm God.'"

Oh thank God, er...I mean..

Friday, September 09, 2005

Crooks and Liars

Crooks and Liars

Have you added this blog to your favorites yet?

Exxon's $10B fill-up:

Exxon's $10B fill-up: Cashing in on crunch#hahahaha

"Oil companies came under new fire yesterday when it emerged that ExxonMobil's profits are likely to soar above $10 billion this quarter on the back of the fuel crisis.

That's $110 million a day, and more net income than any company has ever made in a quarter. It's also a stunning 69 percent increase over the same period a year ago and a 34 percent jump from the $7.6 billion Exxon made just last quarter."

Well, at least we know there is no price gouging! Let's just make Exxon pay for New Orleans reconstruction.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Brother where art thou?

So if my brother is still reading my blog, e-mail me as I can't seem to get a hold of you. Since you live in Florida if you are under water at the moment then all is understood.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Army engages in Urban warfare in New Orleans

Army Times - News - More News: "I never thought that at a National Guardsman I would be shot at by other Americans,"said Spc. Philip Baccus of the 527th Engineer Battalion. "And I never thought I'd have to carry a rifle when on a hurricane relief mission. This is a disgrace."

I never thought that I would hear American National Guard commanders say:

“This place is going to look like Little Somalia...This will be a combat operation to get this city under control.”

I am not sure who I am mad at more, the few crazy looters or the fuckers who think they need to invade an American city.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Humans aren't so bad after all.

The Chronicle: 8/12/2005: Red in Tooth, Claw, and Trigger Finger: " According to Edward O. Wilson, America's supreme ant-ologist, 'alongside ants, which conduct assassinations, skirmishes, and pitched battles as routine business, men are all but tranquilized pacifists.' In their great tome of ant lore, Wilson and Bert H�lldobler concluded that ants are 'arguably the most aggressive and warlike of all animals. They far exceed human beings in organized nastiness; our species is by comparison gentle and sweet-tempered.' The ant lifestyle is characterized, note the authors, by 'restless aggression, territorial conquest, and genocidal annihilation of neighboring colonies whenever possible. If ants had nuclear weapons, they would probably end the world in a week.'"

Monday, August 29, 2005

Learning The Psychology of Seduction--so what if your ugly. Sleep with cute chicks!

PsyBlog: Psychology Blog: Learning The Psychology of Seduction: "Neil Strauss is the author of The Game: Undercover in the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists which is sure to produce disgusted reviews like this one in The Independent. It describes how AFCs - average frustrated chumps - can turn themselves into PUAs - pick up artists. Many of the techniques used are based on neuro-linguistic programming, which, in this context, is perhaps most usefully likened to hypnosis. It's all about influencing another person by learning how to manipulate all their senses to produce a change in their beliefs or behaviours.

If you've ever seen the 'mentalist' Derren Brown in action then you know how powerful some of these techniques can be. "

Friday, August 26, 2005

Drunken Stepfather is not safe for work.

Google sends me thousands of readers a day who are searching for the drunken stepfather blog. I can't get any of them to read my shitty blog even though I pretty much stole every idea I've ever had from Jesus Martinez aka 'the drunken stepfather.'

I am not sure what it would take to convince some of you perverts to stick around and read this blog. The Jail bait Hall Of Fame? And more Jail bait on my other blog? Maybe you dirty little perverts.

What if you knew I told you stories about finger fucking my step-sister?

Also here are some dirty pictures of Miley. I feel dirty posting this. I don't even want to be famous. I don't really want you to read this blog. Most of Jesus' readers don't even bother to read his commentary. They just go straight for the upskirst and bikini pics.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Tsunami clue to 'Atlantis' found

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Tsunami clue to 'Atlantis' found: "A submerged island that could be the source of the Atlantis myth was hit by a large earthquake and tsunami 12,000 years ago, a geologist has discovered. "

Stargate SG1 surrenders. Ok , sorry for the farkness. -- Milky Way�s Central Structure Seen with Fresh Clarity -- Milky Way�s Central Structure Seen with Fresh Clarity You mean we are only a barred spiral galaxy and not a regular spiral galaxy? Suddenly I feel "oh so pretty."

Friday, August 12, 2005

Realm of the Unreal-The outsider art of Henry Darger

Realm of the Unreal In case you were wondering where I get my comes from the odd world of Henry Darger who "was only known as a janitor for the majority of his life, until it was discovered, shortly before his death, that he had been working on an a 15,000 page manuscript since the age of 19."

From Mind Hacks:

The story is fantastic, bizarre and disturbing and recounts the tale of an ongoing and sometimes graphically bloody war between the Vivian Girls, sometimes aided by winged creatures called the Blengens, against child slavery imposed by the Glandelinians.

Darger was diagnosed with a mental illness in his youth, although his diagnosis was reportedly 'masturbation', which was thought by some doctors at the time to cause madness (not an uncommon belief throughout history).

One idiosyncratic feature of his artwork is an apparent transgenderism of sorts: the fact that in the many scenes where characters are portrayed unclothed or partially clothed, many of them, regardless of ostensible gender, have male sex organs. It is speculated by some that Darger was simply unfamiliar with female anatomy, or that he modeled the girls — whom he idolized — after images of the baby Jesus.

He is a strange guy, and if was a janitor and masturbated more, I might be just like him.

Many Dads Unknowingly Raising Others' Kids - Yahoo! News

Many Dads Unknowingly Raising Others' Kids - Yahoo! News: " Calling it a Pandora's Box with broad health implications, British researchers say genetic testing is informing about 4 percent of fathers that a child they are raising is not their own.

The implications are huge, the study authors noted, because such revelations often lead to divorce and increased mental health problems for both the man and woman involved, including the threat of violence by the man"

Threats? Ya, I would think so. But what we don't need is another government agency giving counseling, that's what we've got Maury Povich for.

Mind Hacks

Mind Hacks: "Neuroscience and psychology tricks to find out what's going on inside your brain. "

I'm gonna help you out.

Since many of you are at work, and are looking for something to do...

I will be linking to all the kool sites and shit I find on the net. Think my old romtex site but with pictures. I know for a time I tried the whole "work blog" thingy. I stuck to it like Adsense was paying me money. But it's not. It's funny how we can get trapped by our own thinking and circumstances. Besides, what else can I do with this 5 google page rank?

Thanks Easter Bunny.
Your welcome.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

What would she have done is she was called ugly?

BOSTON, Massachusetts (AP) -- A former Boston Herald columnist was fired from a part-time job teaching journalism at Boston University after posting a note on an Internet site that a female student was "incredibly hot."

The word of the Day.

An Ergasiophobe is someone who’s afraid of work.

Some of my best friends are...

Allow me to present Ms. Foxxylove...the ramblings of one not so angry black woman.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

One Year of Strate Bloggin!

I just can't seem to think of what I am going to do with this blog, since I no longer work for the Self Help Center. I know that I have been helping you "Self Help" for almost a year now. I guess that's sorta my mission now, to help all you morons out there.

Not that many of you couldn't be helping me. So far I only have 12 Pepsi Points and I need a total of 40 before the end of August. I do really want that Houston Astro's hat. I am 34 and what little hair I do have is ready for the comb over as we speak.

I also thought that adding a pic of Britney Spears would send my Blogshares upa bit, as the moment they are flaggin a bit. And if any of yall want to collect Pepsi Points for me , well I am sure that is not a violation of some obscure talking point from the pepsigopro guys.

CODES MUST BE OBTAINED THROUGH: 1) THE RETAIL PURCHASE OF PRODUCTS IN SPECIALLY-MARKED PACKAGES; OR 2) THROUGH THE ABOVE REFERENCED "NO PURCHASE NECESSARY" METHOD OF ENTRY (see Rule 4). CODES, POINTS, ACCOUNTS AND/OR ENTRIES CANNOT BE SOLD, TRANSFERRED, TRADED, BARTERED, AUCTIONED (INCLUDING THROUGH INTERNET AUCTION SITE) OR GIVEN AWAY. In addition, points/entries from this Promotion in a particular Account cannot be transferred to any other account, combined or pooled with any points/entries entered in any other Account or shared with any other Account. No groups, clubs or organizations can register an Account or participate in the Promotion. If your Code is illegible or unreadable, Sponsor's sole liability in such instance is to replace the Code with another Code with the same point/entry value, at its sole discretion.

It was tiny fucking print.

Gracie likes us!!!

More proof that smarts don't equal good taste " The blog as a whole is interesting too ... One of the many that have been fired for blogging ... And there are many more than I would guess most people are aware ... Read up kiddos ... Forewarned is forearmed... hehe"

Her blog points to all kinds of stuff she likes. If this blog is any indication she must like good stuff!

Just another reason not to demolish this limping blog apart. "Everytime I thinks I am out, I gets dragged in again!"

I wonder is she is cute, I wonder if we will get married. I sure hope she got some money.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Why didn't I think of this?-outsource your job!

Here's a story that mentions that Slashdot commenter that outsourced his job # 

"About a year ago I hired a developer in India to do my job. I pay him $12,000 out of the $67,000 I get. He's happy to have the work. I'm happy that I have to work only 90 minutes a day just supervising the code. My employer thinks I'm telecommuting. Now I'm considering getting a second job and doing the same thing."

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Waiter Blog & more

Here are a couple of links to "work site blogs." From Memepool. The waitstaff blog of:

An online narrative of the life of a bouncer at two of New York's most popular nightclubs.

And a Rant from a cook:

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

About Me.

About Me. I was told every blog should have one of these.

I am 38. I work in a grocery store. I am an atheist and a Marxist. I have acid-reflux disease, and for a white guy I can make a pretty mean homemade refried bean tostada.

A brief history of this blog:

This blog started out as a work blog. I worked for the county in a self help court center and law library. I started writing a blog to help me deal with the customers that came in.

One day my boss discovered the blog. I got fired. Then I started writing mostly about stuff I found on the internet. Finally, I decided I would write a "fictitious" account of my life as my alter ego Romius T.

Romius T. is an amplification of my worst/best qualities. We both like Preggo Porn. We drink too much cola. We also like to get drunk and wallow around the house. We both complain to anyone who will listen. We both know how miserable YOU ARE even if you won't admit it.

Read my third best post and learn about my ex-girlfriend.

I hope you take every thing I say seriously, because the best satire is believable. If you get offended by anything you read here I want you to think I was joking. If you agree with anything you read here... then I was being serious.

This blog was reviewed by the website Ask and Ye Shall Receive.  They fucking loved it.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

UFO-the definitive history.

Stolen from Rock Dectector:

UFO is the best band you never heard of. I am about to take care of that.

A hugely influential Hard Rock band noted for the soulful talents of vocalist PHIL MOGG and superb songwriting abilities based around the triumvirate of Mogg, bassist PETE WAY and wayward guitarist Michael Schenker.

UFO's impact upon the world of Hard Rock has often been underplayed but the band rose to become one of the top stadium Rock acts in America and their musical legacy can be felt in countless latter day successful acts.

Indeed, no less a personage than James Hetfield of METALLICA entitled his very first band OBSESSION in honour of UFO's seminal 1978 album. UFO have successfully married strong melodies with some legendary riffs in a combination that has achieved world-wide success.

The band's progress has only been marred by the various members admitted excess of drugs and alcohol, which has resulted in the band's career being rather turbulent at times.

UFO formed initially as THE BOYFRIENDS as a trio of Way, guitarist Mick Bolton and drummer Tic Torrazo. The group would journey its way through other guises (such as HOCUS POCUS, THE GOOD, THE BAD THE UGLY and ACID) before adding drummer Colin Turner to replace Torrazo. Upon adding vocalist Phil Mogg the band changed titles to UFO and soon ditched Turner in favour of Andy Parker. UFO debuted with a live appearance at Fagin's Blues Workshop in late 1969.

The early teenage incarnation of UFO achieved success in Germany and Japan with their first three albums, including a number one single with a take on EDDIE COCHRAN's 'C'mon Everybody'. In Germany both 'Boogie For George' and 'C'mon Everybody' fared well on the national singles charts. Still teenagers, UFO toured Japan to superstar status. Such was the influence of 'C'mon Everybody' the band were forced to play it live on a Japanese tour 23 years later!

Estimates put sales of the first three albums, including the 'Live' opus, at over three million in Germany such was the band's popularity there. However, it was signing to Chrysalis in 1974 that things really started to take off globally.

The material prior to the 'Phenomenon' album was experimental, spacey Rock but things would begin to change following Mick Bolton's departure.
In January 1972 ex-SHAGRAT, BLODWYN PIG and LANCASTER guitarist Larry Wallis joined the fold, but his tenure was relatively short and in November 1972 Wallis quit to join PINK FAIRIES and later MOTÖRHEAD.

UFO had been on tour in Germany with support act the SCORPIONS and 'borrowed' Schenker from the German group as Marsden found himself stuck in England. The loan turned out to be more permanent in spite of Marsden arriving the next day and fulfilling his obligations on the final leg of the tour.

UFO were so impressed by Schenker that Marsden was shown the door once live dates had ended. Marsden subsequently joined erstwhile JETHRO TULL bassist Glen Cornick in WILD TURKEY before finding international recognition in WHITESNAKE.

The 'Phenomenon' album, produced by TEN YEARS AFTER bassist Leo Lyons, boasted what were to become two all time classic Rock tracks, namely 'Rock Bottom' and 'Doctor Doctor'. For live work during this period UFO hired the aforementioned second guitarist PAUL CHAPMAN, previously with UNIVERSE and SKID ROW, to augment Schenker.

In October of 1974 UFO put in their inaugural American shows, gigging at the infamous Los Angeles Whiskey club and supporting STEPPENWOLF amongst others, also putting in a showing on Don Kirshner's weekly concert TV show. Although the 'Phenomenon' album failed to crack the Billboard charts the influential 'Rolling Stone' magazine predicted that UFO would become "a very big act in an extremely short time."

1975's 'Force It' continued the upward trend for the band. The band's American tour included legendary live broadcasts from the Los Angeles Record Plant, tapes from which would become highly prized on the bootleg market. UFO's concentration on America would also saw a virtual non stop run of gigs through October up until late November when the tour was rounded off as support to EDGAR WINTER in New York.

For 1976's 'No Heavy Petting', again with Lyons at the helm, UFO had added ex-HEAVY METAL KIDS keyboardist DANNY PEYRONEL to embellish their sound. UFO toured Britain in April of that year with support bands NUTZ and DIRTY TRICKS before setting off in May for American dates, including opening the established 'Day On The Green' festival and a burst of headlining club shows, one of which had the fledgling VAN HALEN as openers.

Although UFO had made steady progress to that point, their albums potential was hindered by lacklustre production. However, 1977's 'Lights Out' saw the band utilising the services of Ron Nevison and sowing the first seeds of their American success.

Unfortunately, on the eve of their debut American tour supporting RUSH, guitar player MICHAEL SCHENKER performed what was to be the first of his notorious disappearing acts. Former guitarist PAUL CHAPMAN (now firmly ensconced in LONE STAR) was hastily drafted in on a temporary basis before the wayward Schenker was located in Europe and persuaded to finish the tour.

In spite of internal frictions UFO's persistence had paid off with American radio taking to 'Too Hot to Handle', and the 'Lights Out' album remaining on the Billboard charts for nearly half a year peaking at no. 23 and earning the band a well deserved gold album.

American reaction to the band's polished Hard Rock sound meant that it was sensible to relocate. The band all moved to Los Angeles and began recording 'Obsession', once more produced by Ron Nevison, in February 1978.

The awesome live album 'Strangers In The Night' (captured whilst UFO still featured Schenker superbly on form) was released to enormous acclaim, finally heralding UFO as a major band in their home country.

The album boasts probably more classic cuts than any other live effort, featuring as it does 'Doctor, Doctor', 'Lights Out', 'Rock Bottom', 'Only You Can Rock Me', 'Shoot, Shoot', 'Too Hot To Handle' and 'Love To Love'. The live version of 'Doctor, Doctor' cracked the British charts and witnessed UFO promoting it's release with a 'Top Of The Pops' TV appearance.

UFO's status was now such that members appeared as celebrity guests on the 'Hollywood Squares' TV quiz show. UFO really got to grips with America during the summer of 1979 with a lengthy touring leg initially with JUDAS PRIEST as openers, both British acts coincidentally promoting groundbreaking live albums. However, in Chicago roles were reversed and UFO became the opening act. UFO then added a further leg with AC/DC as their guests.

In August of 1979 the group cut their debut product with Chapman "No Place to Run". Production was handled by the esteemed BEATLES producer George Martin at his studios on the Caribbean island of Montserrat. The sessions were just completed prior to the island being ravaged by Hurricane Camille.
The album was launched in America upfront of a European release. It fared well, reaching no. 59 on the Billboard charts and UFO closed the year with a taster tour of their homeland in December as a portent of things to come for a full blown British tour in 1980.

PAUL CHAPMAN made his recording debut with UFO on the George Martin produced 'No Place To Run' album in 1980. Recorded in Montserrat, the album had an unenviable task following the might of the live album, but still contained strong moments. In America UFO were by now headlining sold out arenas.

1981 saw another strong album 'The Wild, The Willing And The Innocent', produced by the band themselves. Amply displaying Mogg's almost film noir approach to lyric writing, the album was bolstered by diverse experimentation, such as a string section and the haunting 'Profession Of Violence'. Keyboards on the album were supplied by former LONE STAR and URIAH HEEP man JOHN SLOMAN.

Another mammoth world tour ensued, including dates alongside OZZY OSBOURNE in America, before heading for Switzerland to record 'Mechanix'. Producer Gary Lyons was employed as UFO struggled to maintain a fresh approach to the Hard Rock sound.

UFO stuck to their guns, with Paul Chapman filling in on bass for studio work on the next album. Although a strong record, the Mick Glossop produced 'Making Contact's headway was severely hindered by numerous setbacks. For the European leg of the tour bass duties were handled by then TALAS bassist Billy Sheehan, but during a show in Athens, Greece Mogg collapsed onstage causing a near riot with Sheehan being struck by an object thrown from the audience.

The band took some time off before their British tour, during which it was planned to record dates for a live album. The live recordings were strangely only issued in the form of one side of a family tree based tribute album entitled 'Headstone'.

In 1984 Mogg travelled to America to recruit a guitarist for the revitalised UFO and for a time YNGWIE MALMSTEEN was strongly rumoured to have landed the job with DOKKEN's fret burner GEORGE LYNCH supposedly also in the running. However, Japanese/American ex BOY WONDER and THUNDERWING guitarist Tommy McClendon gained the honours.

Occupying the drum stool would be Miles Baggs. Oddly the band rehearsed for a short period with VIVA's Barbara Schenker (sister of Michael) on keyboards before Paul Raymond rejoined the ranks alongside bassist Paul Gray and former DIAMOND HEAD drummer Robbie France. Initially, there was talk of not naming the act UFO but THE GREAT OUTDOORS in honour of an Edgebaston off license!

UFO set out on a British tour supported by TOBRUK to debut the new material and revised line up before recording began. Kevin Elson, noted for his landmark albums with major acts such as JOURNEY and FOREIGNER was chosen as producer but this relationship did not work out. The resulting 'Misdemeanour' album featured some very strong songs but was crippled by Nick Tauber's lightweight production. The rather thin guitar sound of McClendon, who by now was renamed somewhat bizarrely 'Atomik Tommy M, didn't help matters either.

Following the somewhat lukewarm response to 'Misdemeanour', UFO effectively split, but not before recording a mini album ('Ain't Misbehavin') for the indie FM Revolver label. This release only served to show that Mogg was sorely missing his old songwriting partners, as the material was strictly second rate.

It would take a number of years before Mogg and Way committed to a line up of guitarist Laurence Archer, previously a member of STAMPEDE, GRAND SLAM and RHODE ISLAND RED, with ex WILD HORSES and ULI JON ROTH drummer Clive Edwards.

This line up recorded the commendable 'High Stakes And Desperate Men' album, produced by Kit Woolven (also featuring keyboardist DON AIREY and backing vocals from ex NIGHT singer Stevie Lange). The new record had been named after a Wild West novel Mogg was reading at the time but with a slight name change from the original and slightly derogotive 'High Stakes And Desperate Men'!

In typical fashion, European shows ended in Russia with Mogg, fortunately on the last date of the tour, falling offstage and breaking his leg!
The 'High Stakes' album was purposely held back from an American release as the possibility of reuniting the classic 1978 line up grew stronger. In some downtime, Way and Archer produced the WRAITH album 'Danger Calling'.
Archer and Edwards joined MEDICINE HEAD when it became apparent that Mogg and Way were intent on reuniting the classic line up.

After putting in work with the idea of teaming back up with PAUL CHAPMAN, it was finally announced in 1993 that the 1978 line up had reformed for a very low key tour of Germany. The alliance was pushed through so quickly that tour promoters were unaware of Schenker's involvement. The shows, with support act QUIET RIOT, were a huge success for UFO as they played the classic 'Strangers In The Night' set plus some of Schenker's own 'Thank You' record.

Testing the waters in America, UFO performed at a festival in San Antonio in April 1994 alongside MOTÖRHEAD, BLUE OYSTER CULT and YNGWIE MALMSTEEN. UFO signed to Zero Corporation Records in Japan for a phenomenal advance later the same year to record the superb 'Walk On Water' album, which arrived towards the end of 1995.

UFO began a high profile American tour with support acts TRIANGLE and LODE in late June 1995, including a headline slot at the Milwaukee Festival and runs of 4 sold out nights in Chicago, Los Angeles and San Francisco. Parker by now had laid down his drumsticks for good and his position was taken by ex TYTAN, AC/DC, DIO and RHINO BUCKET drummer Simon Wright.

The tour continued on into November, with the band returning to many cities to play larger venues. Most venues sold out and UFO confounded the critics by proving so successful with no American record deal or financial back up.

Trouble struck later in the tour when Schenker disappeared mysteriously yet again (old habits die hard!), necessitating the cancellation of many shows. Rumours abounded concerning fistfights between Mogg and Schenker and another collapse into substance abuse from Way. The band duly folded once more, unable to continue the dates without Schenker, as contractual obligations stipulated the guitarist's appearance.

Amidst this hive of activity, Mogg and Way also busied themselves by recording an album together with American guitarist George Bellas and ex JEFFERSON STARSHIP and JOURNEY drummer Aynsley Dunbar. The resulting album, 'Edge Of The World', which included backing vocals supplied by MR. BIG's ERIC MARTIN, emerged in 1997 under the band name of MOGG/WAY.

The album cover and style of the act's logo left nothing to the imagination.
After the emergence of the MOGG/WAY album UFO settled their differences with MICHAEL SCHENKER. The errant guitarist had in the meantime issued a further solo album, 'Written In The Sand', and a live effort recorded in Japan entitled 'The Michael Schenker Story Live'. The band also negotiated a long overdue European release for the 'Walk On Water' album.

The band put in a lengthy and well attended tour of Europe, with DANGER DANGER opening on the continent, which included a run of British gigs in early 1998 supported by DIRTY DEEDS before predictably Schenker jumped ship once more in the middle of a Japanese tour.

Mogg and Way knuckled down with recording a new album, enlisting Raymond and Wright. PAUL RAYMOND also began work on a further solo album for which Mogg aided on lead vocals.

Meanwhile, the errant German guitarist, still professing future commitments to UFO, toured with MICHAEL SCHENKER GROUP as part of the 1998 G3 guitar tour alongside ULI JON ROTH and JOE SATRIANI and issued a further MICHAEL SCHENKER GROUP album 'The Unforgiven'.

UFO was far from a spent force in 1999 though with negotiations still taking place between Mogg, Way and Schenker for a further album.

Meantime it was announced that the year 2000 would also see the release of a UFO tribute album.

UFO settled their differences with Schenker and pulling in Aynsley Dunbar on drums again to cut a new UFO album 'The Covenant'. Meantime Way issued his first purely solo effort 'Amphetamine' as Mogg busied himself on his first solo album working with MOGG/WAY and COSMO SQUAD guitarist JEFF KOLLMAN and drummer Shane Galaas.

UFO's first effort to feature guitarist VINNIE MOORE and drummer Jason Bonham would be the Tommy Newton produced 'You Are Here', issued through SPV Records in February. Japanese versions added the bonus track 'Messing Up The Bed'. European headline dates throughout February and March, traversing Greece, France, Spain, Italy and Germany, saw German guitar virtuoso ULI JON ROTH as opening act.

With Pete Way still experiencing visa difficulties, JEFF KOLLMAN, no stranger to the family having worked with both MOGG/WAY and $IGN OF 4, took over bass duties for UFO's 2005 US tour dates supported by THE LIZARDS.

Saturday, June 04, 2005

NOT GONNA lawsuit it baby

So I decided against a lawsuit against my old company, so I think that will end all the maricopa proxies showing up on my stats report.

I am in the middle of some things and won't post for a while. There is a good chance I will not keep this going as well, maybe I will get out of blogging all together. Except for a new idea I have...?

Good luck, and god bless...(or satanic kisses .....)

Friday, April 29, 2005

I never posted about the guy who shot himself outside my library.

With a little narrative help from our good friends from the The Arizona Fraternal Order of Police :

July 06, 2004 at 11:00 a.m., a man distraught over his divorce and armed with two loaded 44-magnum handguns approached the south entrance of the Southeast Superior Court Building in Mesa, Arizona.

[by entrance he means about 6 feet from my former desk]

Within only a few feet of the door, he stopped, drew one of the handguns from his briefcase, placed it to his head, and committed suicide.
Inside the briefcase was a second loaded 44-magnum with the hammer pulled back.

[ I recall hearing the shot and saying aloud "Gee,I sure hope that is not a gun shot." Then a gal that I later almost hooked up with from a personal ad-I saw hers and later discovered she had the hots for me-ran up to me yelling "call 9-1-1."]

[She also really wanted me to look at the Blood,
"C'mon have you seen it yet"
Me: "Uh, no ...and I don't want too either."]

This unfortunate incident should be looked at as a wake up call for security. This person did not bring two fully loaded handguns to the court building to just commit suicide. All indications point to a person who had thoughts of harming or killing innocent people that he believed had wronged him and then committing suicide.

What stopped him from following through on his plans will never be known, but if he planned to go through with what appeared to be more than just a suicide, there would not have been anyone to stop him.

[ I can attest to that, most of the guards are at least 70 years old or 300 pounds. In addition the sheriff's office deputies take a good 20 minutes or so to straddle in to check on a panic button call.]

[I have had to use the panic button on a number of occasions, most involved domestic assaults. White Trash on white trash crime. Others when we babysat the clients for "free legal days" . Imagine 30 people( I use people in its most expansive sense) in line for 5 spots.

The security personnel that work the metal detectors are unarmed and the law enforcement officers are told to lockup their guns before entering the courtroom. There were officers in the lobby who had locked up their firearms and had empty holsters at the time of this incident.

[I just see the video game Doom in my head over and over again, or maybe a law library version of Columbine.]

Side note: my former employer was so frightened by me after they terminated me (funny word terminate huh) that they escorted my workmates out by "security" the next few days (to the protest of my good friends.) So I get watched, but apparently killers can get in, no prob.

In honor of Bathos, as it takes the lead in visitors.

While the Self Help Center has been around for some time now, one of my other blogs Bathos for the Misanthropic has overtaken the lead in visitor hits.

I hardly need to tell you of its significance or its invasion into culture, virus-like, living only by invading living cells, and lives the more, the more cells it invades.

The author is quite aware of the limitaions found within his audience and felt the need for an absurdly large amount of asterics *in order to attest to the cleverness inherent within the slings and arrows of his barbs.

*Smart folks would call 'em footnotes

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Ruminations regarding unemployment

  • I finished off a 2-liter of coke yesterday in under 3 hours.
  • I have been eating way too many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
  • I rented invisibles.
  • Watched a Jimmy Stewart movie.
  • Discoved a 9 minute plus remix of "butterfly" by Mariah Carey.
  • I need to think more about getting a job, huh?
  • At least the Rockets are up 2 games to none.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Work-related Blogs and Work

Anyone who links to me is a friend of mine!! Work-related Blogs and Work: "Helping to make sense of work: Bringing work blogs and work-related news together"

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Why won't we change the Electoral College?

While I await a call back from Risk Management I have been reading a a good book. "Why the Electoral College is Bad for America" by George C Edwards III.

Mr Edwards is left aghast at the lack of protest over the 2000 "selection" of the presidency. He points out that the electoral system is profoundly undemocratic, complicated,and ripe with fraud.

In the preface to the book Mr. Edwards finds it "disconcerting that the supporters of the electoral college are extraordinarly insouciant about their claims on its behalf and virtually never marshall data rigorously to evaluate their assertions."

How for instance can both big states and small states benefit from the college as has been asserted. And for those republicans who think this is democratic sour grapes, Kerry would have won with no regrets had he taken Ohio.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Blog censorship wins support:

Blog censorship wins support: ZDNet Australia: News: Communications: "Despite the fact most respondents classed bloggers in the same category as journalists when it came to free speech, the survey revealed bloggers are not taken as seriously as traditional media. "

Unique Cover Letter

Over at the Tao of Cheese they have a rather unique resume cover letter. It is guaranteed to get you noticed or at least few days in jail.

One of the most difficult items to enclose with a resume is the cover letter. This serves as an introduction and states the the case why you should be hired for the applied job.Most people will tell you that a cover letter needs to be polite and professional. They will also tell you that is of the utmost import to not stretch the truth. However, this does not work in practice. I have decided upon an entirely different approach.

Dear Sir/Madam,It has come to my attention that you are recruiting for a [insert job title here] position. Not only am I perfect for this position, but if you do not get me hired, I shall be forced to follow you home and kill your dog. Look, bitch, neither you nor I have the damned time to pussy foot around with the niceties, so either you make with the hiring or I make with the breaking of legs.Your future employee,[insert name here] America - Fuck Yeah!

With a cover letter like this, what HR person wouldn't be interested?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Role of Public Policy in Employment Litigation

Business Power Zone - Article

The attorney at a prestigious and highly paid law firm gives a lecture on the "Role of Public Policy " in employment litigation. In other words, don't come crying to to him if the Government or Big Buisness violate your rights. Mr. Morales calls it an "erosion of the traditional employment-at-will doctrine by various legal theories which have developed."

The vagueness or--as some have called it--the "elasticity" of the public policy concept has been recognized by the courts. In the Palmateer v. International Harvester Co., the court noted "there is no precise definition of the term. In general, it can be said that public policy concerns what is right and just and what affect the citizens of the state collectively." Some have even gone so far as to describe the concept as "perhaps the most expansive and widely comprehensive phrase known to the law."

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

First things First.

One of the little sneaky things Arizona State Government does to prevent law suits against itself is provide a couple of different statuette of limitations.

The first thing you have to do is file a claim within 6 months. According to A.R.S. 12-821.01

A.)Persons who have claims against a public entity or a public employee shall file claims with the person or persons authorized to accept service for the public entity or public employee as set forth in the Arizona rules of civil procedure within one hundred eighty days after the cause of action accrues. The claim shall contain facts sufficient to permit the public entity or public employee to understand the basis upon which liability is claimed. The claim shall also contain a specific amount for which the claim can be settled and the facts supporting that amount. Any claim which is not filed within one hundred eighty days after the cause of action accrues is barred and no action may be maintained thereon.

B.) For purposes of this section, a cause of action accrues when the damaged party realizes he or she has been damaged and knows or reasonably should know the cause, source, act, event, instrumentality or condition which caused or contributed to the damage.

Many people get confused because of an additional limitation:
12-821. General limitation; public employee
All actions against any public entity or public employee shall be brought within one year after the cause of action accrues and not afterward.

Since I was terminated Nov 11., I have until May to get something started. It's a pretty simple letter and I might post it. I do have to worry about giving out too much info, once a court case has started.

Termination lawsuits are very difficult to win here in Az. We are an "at will state", but I have a number of friends who are attorneys and they have promised to do a bit of research into this for me.

- The Worst Jobs in History - Home

Channel 4 - The Worst Jobs in History - Home

Friends don't let friends drive drunk!

But once those friends have, a friend then spends all night "coaching" said individual on all the intricacies of a few days in Sheriff Joe's Tent City.

One might think that my time of 4 years as a law library assistant and clerk at a superior court would provide me with a bit more knowledge that the average "Joe" (pun intended) and you might be right. Here is a post on a visit I paid to Uncle Joe's.

You might also think that a few dozen friends who are attorneys would provide a bit extra punch to my counseling skills. Or it could be my world class internet surfing skills that provide me an inside scoop into the world of Jailarity.

If you thought it was any of those things, you would be wrong. It just happens to be that I have spent plenty of time in visiting the inside of the YARD thanks to a former tendency to combine 2 of my favorite past times. Drinking and Driving.

Few of us would argue that either drinking or driving when carefully seperated aren't fun. And a few crazies (60% of the population) said "it's like adding peanut butter and chocolate, what could go wrong?" Jail however is no Recees Peieces.

ABC News: The French Take on 'Office Space'

ABC News: The French Take on 'Office Space'

Friday, April 08, 2005

How to Blog Safely (About Work or Anything Else)

This here is the article I found while surfing the net at "work" today:

A handful of bloggers have recently discovered that their labors of love may lead to unemployment. By some estimates, dozens of people have been fired for blogging, and the numbers are growing every day.

Reporting on Your Work for the Government:

If you work for the government, blogging about what's happening at the office is protected speech under the First Amendment. It's also in the public interest to know what's happening in your workplace, because citizens are paying you with their tax dollars. Obviously, do not post classified or confidential information.

So after reading this article it's pretty clear that not just me, but you the tax paying citizen of Arizona was screwed out of a fundamental right. [ Albeit one that most people, esp. the young of America, don't support]

But my tirade on our creeping fascism and silent totalitarianism will have to wait for another day.

One day Temp Job at a Major Accounting Firm

My first and as it turns out only day as the temp answering phones at a major accounting firm was cut short. The normal receptionist had grand jury duty and was expeted to be out for some time. Instead of the 4 weeks to 6 weeks I was promised, I get only one day because the defendant pled out. Good news for her and bad news for me!

The job was perfect for me , I think I answered the phone 15 times all day. The rest of the time I spent surfing the web , reading 45 pages from a book that I can recommend "Troll a Love Story,"and playing solitaire. All these things I am really good at. Making sure you get connected to your party-not so much.

While surfing , I came across yet another story on bloggers rights that peaked my interest. This article has convinced me to sue my former employer for violating 1st amendment rights. I 'll tell more in the next post.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Phizer Fires Sales Guy For Blogging How Little He Worked!

News Story - NCBuy: " Monday it fired an employee who wrote a book about his tenure as a Pfizer Inc. sales representative which boasted about how little he worked and how much money he earned."

Friday, March 25, 2005

North Carolina To Make Solitare Illegal For State Workers!

Is that a spreadsheet on your screen - or solitaire? "Here in North Carolina, the perennial favorite that was adapted so beautifully for the little screen has become a flash point between taxpayers and state employees. Goofing off on the cubicle computer may be today's version of the coffee break. But now some state lawmakers want the fun and games to stop - at least on company time. Saying taxpayers would be 'outraged' to know how much work time is frittered away by insurance-commission secretaries and DMV employees honing their solitaire and Mine Sweeper skills on the state's 50,000 computers, Catawba County Republican Sen. Austin Allran has sponsored what may be the country's first anti- solitaire legislation."

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I have left the building.

I am no longer working with the Secretary of State's Office. Since that is the life of a Temp, I must move on.

The Terri Schiavo case has gotten the nation abuzz. Who knew the outcome of a vegetative and slowly deteriating woman ,could get you all interested in living wills , health care directives ,and such. My only question is, does Teri taste like broccoli?

Did you know that you can with no residency requirements, sign up for the free state of Arizona Health Care Directive Registry that will provide a depository for your directives ? Well you can.

Just go to the Arizona Secretary States's Office website:

Remember it's free and no residency is required . What a great idea!
You see the government can help ! Call your grandma!

For More Info!!

Phone: (602)-542-6187 Toll Free: 1-(800)-458-5842

Arizona Secretary of State Advance Directory
1700 W. Washington, 7th Floor
Phoenix, AZ . 85007

Since I don't have to answer the phones feel free to call !!
Tell'em Dave sent ya!

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

I'll still call it the Self Help Blog!

Per my lawyer, and due in part to the apparent recurring interest of my former employer, I am changing some of the posts by removing the name of the organization I now work for. From now on I will use only the initials S.O.S. to refer to my current employers.

My lawyer [who in real life is an attorney with a large and prestigious law firm] convinced me that my former employer may still be pissed enuff to have me on the shit list and all it would take is a phone call or the like to get me in trouble again.

He goes on to add that "You might be on some watch list after all the action down in Atlanta."

Great, now I am being compared to serial murderer by a best friend. It might be my fault I guess I shouldn't of let him read the Bathos Weblog before giving me advice. "Some of it's funny, some of it's just sick."

The name I picked is multi layered and for those following along you will get it, for the new folks let's just say I need all the help I can get in order to go to work everyday![ Morse code for HELP is too funny too pass up since I no longer work in a Self Help Center!!)]So nobody tell anyone where I work, and I won't from now on either! I have had to edit quite a bit in the posts so some will not make as much sense.

Big news from the the former job , that I just had not gotten around to posting ,I won't get be getting hired back (ha) as I lost the appeal hearing. I will dedicate a post soon to that though!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Somebody loves me

Rumor floating around the office that my new temp job is mine for the asking. One bad bit of news is that the pay might be lower. Though another rumor has it that I can negotiate the pay without reference to a "wage scale."

I'll keep you updated as I know you all hang on every word printed here!

By the way never allow a girl in your office to get "screwed out" of signing a birthday card for a fellow employee. [it wasn't me , but trust me I have been warned as the victim is on "on" to who did it and confronted her in a scary bit of melodrama!]

Friday, March 04, 2005

Things I hate about Employment

Conservatives like to point to the well being found from within the "pride" of work. Pride likes to think you as his bitch, pounding on your ass as your getting up at 6 am and shuffling off drearily to work and then returning home a good 12 hours later.

After bit of dinner and TV it's off to bed by 9. I just need that extra nine hours of sleep. Otherwise, I may end up "accidently" taking that gun [That Arizona so thoughtfully will allow me to take to bars ( and I so promise I won't get drunk and shoot my trailer park wife in the head with it)] to work where it might go off.

Not only that , but suddenly I have things to do. Like the following pests:

  1. Pick up dry cleaning
  2. go to class
  3. drop off library books
  4. grocery shopping
  5. get a haircut

Christ , it never ends does it? People do this for 40 years? Why are we wasting 55% of the worlds resources so that 6 % of the population can afford to pick up their dry cleaning?

Now let the world pick up that old Satrian refrain "shoot a white man , steal his money and buy an African his Aids medicine."

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

2nd Week In Tempville.

There is quite a bit of hub a bub over a few bills in the legislature that effects our office. Mostly it seems that our esteemed representatives down in the capital believe that it is the intention of this "organization" to decrease it it's work and increase it's fees.

I would normally decry such activity as a tax payer, but as an insulated employee of said entity, I can see the point.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

My first week as a TEMP with Jan Brewer!

I am not sure how this was done, but the agency that I work for, got me a gig with my state government. I figured I would be bared from any work with any agency, but not so.

I also figured I would need to get a background check again. Not. Fingerprinted? No way, Jose

My interview at the agency consisted of probing questions like :

  • "What kind of things are you in to?
    "What do you want to do?"
Answer: "Um, I guess internet surfing isn't a real paid position is it?" I just kept nodding off and saying " Whatever, I don't care."

Though I must admit the agency hit the mark with this job. It's the sorta thing I am just clerically enabled enough to do.There is no massive data entry to do, just reviewing paperwork and some customer service over the phone.

I am in charge of a whole division which means that the entire division consists of just me. I am constantly told that no one can tell me what to do, and I shouldn't have to stuff envelopes.

Now why you would give a "Temp" an entire division which was then described to me as "high profile" is a matter only someone who has been a supervisor or an upper could answer.

Working for this agency has been quite a change for me. I am no longer scanned and run through a metal detector just to get in my office. On the other hand neither are the public.

Here is a quick rundown of my first day:

  • 8 am to 930 introductions all around
  • 930 to 1120 review articles on my job
  • lunch

    12 30 to 3 pretending to work followed by:

    6 hours of envelope stuffing the next day.

I finally feel like a temp. The universal job requirement for being a temporary worker is the ability to stuff envelopes. I can do this quite well. I witnessed faces of full of mock astonishment when they saw the piles of envelopes I had stuffed!!