Friday, July 29, 2011

Uzbekistan spies, the singularity , and AIDS

I met a beautiful Uzbeki woman the other day.  At first I was quite astonished that she appeared so interested in me.  But then it came to me.  It was so obvious!  Of course she is a secret double agent programmed by KimJong il to assassinate me via nanotechnology robots infected with AIDS which will take over my brain and force me to kill, all because I know a Lady Robot Scientist who is hard at work destroying humanity by allowing the singularity to come about from the Robot Apocalypse.

I have no idea who to trust anymore.  Nor any idea what I should do.  At least we can take heart that the one redeeming quality in the North Korean Peninsula is that the great leader is trying to do everything possible to stop the robot apocalypse!

Even if it means killing me!  I understand the sacrifices that warriors must make in war.  If I must die, so be it.  At least it will be at the hands of the stunning Uzbeki woman dressed in all white.  And at least I know my death will save millions, maybe billions.

I stand ready Great Leader!

Instruct me! Death to the singularity! Long live humanity!  Long live Kim Jong Il!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Last night I went drinking at Muggshots. I drank alone because my female pedophile boss decided to ditch me to be with her cat instead.

So I drank alone, and the bartender closed the bar early, and I drank only one beer, and then I had to pay an extra charge because they had a minimum charge for credit cards, and I had no cash on me.

So I cursed my luck and started hating cats even more, but then I saw a cat eat a bird on the way home, and I remembered that I hate birds more.