Friday, November 06, 2020

A special message to the Baby Boomer Generation

A SPECIAL MESSAGE TO THE BABY BOOMER GENERATION

SO I TYPE IN ALL CAPS LIKE YOU LIKE. 

PLEASE QUIT FUCKING WITH OUR DEMOCRACY, OKAY, BABY BOOMERS!

SERIOUSLY.

In the 1980's everyone knew Donald John Trump was a conman. EVERYONE. He was a joke.

Now this conman wants to ruin democracy. Just this little experiment we've been running over here for the last 240 years or so.

OK BOOMERS, Remember how your parents survived the depression and fought Nazis? They ended up calling themselves "the greatest generation." Nice humble brag, right?

And they never really let you guys forget it. You guys were huge disappointments to your GGE (GREATEST GENERATION EVER) WITH YOUR DAMN POT SMOKING, CULT JOINING, ME ME, ME 60'S HIPPIE BULLSHIT.

And your parents weren't wrong, though they ain't right - if you get my drift.

So you guys are always out there trying to one up the old man. Trying to punch him in the jaw. But the old man still smoked 2 packs of cigs and and drank whiskey instead of water. He had OLD MAN STRENGTH AND HE COULD ALWAYS KNOCK YOU THE FUCK DOWN.

That must have sucked.

But you guys had something up your sleeves. MALCOM, DR. KING
CIVIL RIGHTS MOFO. 1964 BABY.

Hey, thanks for that. Well some of you at least.

But uh 1970's?

You guys passed laws making it easy to discriminate against families with kids. THAT IS WHEN YOU WEREN'T TOO BUSY SNORTING COCAINE AND HUMPING ANYTHING THAT MOVED.

THOUGH WHAT A DECADE FOR FILM!

1980'S GREED IS GOOD. YOU GUYS LOVE CAPITALISM AGAIN!

Honestly, didn't see that one coming. THEN SOMEBODY SAID LET'S TRY MASS INCARCERATION!

{SHOUT OUT TO UNCLE JOE BIDEN. BUT HE HARDLY FUCKING STARTED IT}

THEN WE GOT A BLACK PRESIDENT AND YOU GUYS PATTED YOURSELVES ON THE BACK (even though you didn't vote for him.)

But something happened during that presidency. You guys started listening to a conman. A cheap one trick con artist who doesn't give a shit about you or the middle class or the uneducated {No wait... He loves the uneducated!}

This conman doesn't give a shit about democracy. He's got you feeling some type of way about it too.

Ask yourselves if Trump 'legit' lost the election would you want him to concede? You wouldn't.

WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT THOUGHT COME FROM?

Hold up. Before you answer I let you think about that one for a bit.

Straight up though. Your man is a reality TV star who's burned through his daddies cash faster than a meth addict chasing his first high. He's never paid taxes and most of his companies failed as soon as he got his tiny baby hands on them.

But I don't give a shit about any of that. Now y'all ain't gonna like what's about to come next, but it's got to be said. Because y'all about to break this country. About to break this democracy. And I ain't having it!

Let's get real. Or as the kids say. We keeping it 100.

MOST OF Y'ALL BOOMER GANG GONNA DIE SOON. YOU GETTING OLD. HOW MANY YEARS YOU GOT? 5, 10, 20?

WELL WE NEED THIS DEMOCRACY FOR A HELL OF BIT LONGER THAN THAT.

YOU ARE LABELED AS THE MOST SELFISH GENERATION EVER. AND THAT WAS FOR A REASON. CUZ YOU FUCKING ARE.

Y'ALL JUST LIKE YOUR PREZ WAS BORN ON 3RD BASE AND THOUGHT YOU HIT A HOMER.

AND NOW YOU WANNA TAKE YOUR TOYS AND GO HOME BECAUSE YOU DON'T LIKE THE OUTCOME.

FUCK THAT. YOU WILL STAND RIGHT HERE WEARING A MASK AND FIX THIS SHIT. YOU DON'T GET TO BAIL IN 10 YEARS WITH ALL YOUR TOYS AND LEAVE ME AND YOUR GREAT GRAND CHILDREN TO TRY AND CLEAN THIS MESS UP.

TELL HIM TO STAND DOWN. HE LOST. YOU KNOW HE DID. QUIT ACCEPTING AND COVERING FOR A MAN WHO REFUSES TO PLAY BY THE RULES. TELL TRUMP THE RULES FINALLY APPLY TO HIM. HE'S ACTING JUST LIKE THE AUTHORITARIANS YOUR PARENTS FOUGHT.

SECRETLY, YOUR GENERATION WANTS THE MEAN DADDY TO COME BACK AND PUNISH YOU FOR ALL THE MISBEHAVING.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELVES. FOR NOT LIVING UP TO THEIR STANDARDS.
YOU'LL NEED TO FORGIVE YOURSELVES FOR SQUANDERING ALL THAT POTETIAL YOU HAD.

THE BOOMER GENERATION THOUGHT IT HAD IT'S TEST AND PASSED IT. YOU WERE WRONG. THIS IS YOUR TEST. AND YOU ARE FAILING BADLY.

YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY GOODBYE TO DEMOCRACY, TO THE RULE OF LAW. YOU WILL MAKE THIS COUNTRY UNGOVERNABLE. YOU MIGHT EVEN THINK A LITTLE CIVIL WAR COULD BE A GOOD THING.

BABY BOOMER. YOU ELECTED THIS GUY. HE'S YOU. HE'S YOUR FAULT. HE'S READY TO SAY OR DO ANYTHING TO STAY IN POWER. IT'S YOUR JOB TO CONVINCE HIM HE'S WRONG.

LOOK I'M SORRY YOU DIDN'T GET TO BE THE GGE {GREATEST GENERATION EVER} I KNOW YOU WANTED THAT. BUT FRANKLY 🙁 YOU DON'T DESERVE IT.

BUT YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN STOP THE END OF THE AMERICAN DECLINE. YOU CAN RETURN US TO OUR ROOTS. TO THE IDEALS OF THIS IMPERFECTLY CRAFTED COUNTRY. THE LOFTY IDEAS THAT SHINE LIKE A BEACON. THAT WELCOME THE WORLD FORWARD TOWARDS JUSTICE WITH THE FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT ALL OF US ARE CREATED EQUAL.

JUSTICE DEMANDS THIS. A PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER IS THE MINIMUM CONDITION OF EVERY DEMOCRACY.

YOU MUST SEE THE DANGER HERE!

SOME OF YOUR GRANDCHILDREN HAVE ONLY SEEN THE TOXIC BATTLEGROUND THAT POLITICS HAS BECOME.

RISE UP. SHOW THOSE GRAND CHILDREN THAT THERE IS HONOR IN DEFEAT. THAT YOU CAN LOVE YOUR POLITICAL ENEMY. THAT YOU CAN SACRAFICE YOUR SELFISH DESIRES FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY.

REMEMBER AL GORE? MAKE FUN IF YOU WANT. BUT HE STEPPED ASIDE FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY. HE WAS A PATRIOT. DEEP DOWN SO ARE YOU. NO MATTER HOW ANGRY YOU'VE BECOME OVER HOW THINGS ARE GOING. AL GORE SAW THE DANGER IN REFUSING A PEACEFUL TRANSFER OF POWER. 

NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

Your kids are in DANGER

Mom and Dad:

WE NEED YOU TO BE THE GROWN UPs ONE LAST TIME

FIGHT THIS DANGER WE CAN'T

SIGNED, 

GENERATION X

THE ONES YOU FORGOT.