Rabbit Stew Anyone?

Today's misanthrope of the week is "The Bunny Undertaker," Elizabeth Carlisle.

Elizabeth Carlisle was arrested after posting a photo of herself with two dead rabbits on her Facebook profile.

According to reports the girl drowned the rabbits after they became injured during a fight at the PetLand store where she worked.

Unlike me most of you are sickened by the thought of such an event.

I find your response curious. And perhaps immoral.

I am made curious by those people who seem to get worked up over the death of a couple of rabbits more than they do over the fact that millions of African children will starve to death this year.

Take this comment from the Weekly Vice as illustrative of my point:

THIS outrages me. I am so pissed over this! I want to drown the girl and her father myself! The poor bunnies could have been taken to a vet. Her gleefully drowning them is unforgivable! People who harm defenseless animals will rot in HELL!

I can't recall ever getting a comment like that when I discussed starving children in Africa.

No one ever gets in my face sticking up for starving children, but I have gotten into bar fights with animal lovers over my opinions.

I once received a death threat from a PETA member after I posted Michael Vick as one of my "heroes" on MySpace.

People (like my ex wife) be like "them Africans must have had it coming. It's they fault. Karma and shit." [ actual conversation not verbatim]

I admit I don't like animal lovers.

I won't hide my opinion. I don't like animal lovers. I have no idea why anyone would ever be an animal lover. I just don't get it. I think having an animal for a "companion" is stupid.

Animal lovers are always doing things that annoy me too. They unleash their animals all the time. Those dogs chase and bite me.

In addition, Animal Lovers waste BILLIONS of dollars on their companions. The dress them up in stupid costumes. They talk to them in baby talk. They tell me pointless stories about the alleged "cuteness" of said animals.

Animal lovers invented this.

I don't mean to be dismissive about animal cruelty. But if you equate animal life with human life then you are misanthropic and possibly suffer from psychopathology.

You will assume I am bringing up the rabbit killer to sound outrageous. I am not. I only bring up the "rabbit undertaker" because it is the only way I know to get you to think about morality.

(Philosophically speaking) you have no interest in morality.*



*It occurred to me that this section was going to get very pedantic so I stopped.

Instead try reading the blog I found where the (female) blogger "kills animals as part of work... also... wild animals that are just in a lot of pain. Sometimes I have to euthanize them. I decided to record each animal I euthanize here."

OK, I will try to write something here.

Some things to think about:

• Maybe you are just "disgusted" by what Beth did. You may not be so moral yourself.
  

• We need to think more about the relationship between "disgust" and "morality."

• You might be a bit of a hypocrite if you like meat and wear leather pumps.

Allow me to anticipate one of your objections:

Animal cruelty is correlated with violence against humans.

I agree. And that is the ONE reason we should watch people who do creepy shit to animals. Sometimes they are just working their way up to killing folks like you and me.

Is she Guilty?

Is she guilty of having a sick sense of humor? You bet. But so am I. So are you. Why else would you read this blog?

If Elizabeth had been on a farm and killed the rabbits and then chopped them in stew she would not be going to jail. Other than taking a photo after the event I can't say that her method for euthanizing injured animals was all that terrible. (Animals often suffocate to death at the vet when they get put down at the vet.)

Without the smile she may have been considered a hero.

But she enjoyed causing pain.

We should worry that she enjoyed inflicting pain on something. But does that mean we should grieve for animals?

Maybe we should grieve for her sanity. And we should worry about a society that claims to be moral, but actually operates more on the level of disgust than an informed ethical rationality.

*By the way fried Rabbit is very delicious. My grandparents (back in Oklahoma) used to go hunting for bunnies all the time. The kids never wanted the fried rabbit that the adults shot and ate. We always wanted fried chicken. I guess because as kids we figured chickens had nothing to do with Easter Eggs. Kids are stupid.

EYE BALLING YOU

Phillips Electronics recently applied for a patent for a "camera system to track eye movements of shoppers." I have one word for that. Offensive.

And as offensive as such a system would be it is even more frightening. What makes corporate America think they are entitled to knowledge like this?

Link Via Boing Boing!

Gout's got me down, but at least I wasn't born with 8 legs

I stand at work all day. At some point my foot began to hurt yesterday. I have no idea why. It began to hurt quite badly. If I was a girl I would have cried. It began to hurt right in the middle of one of those dreaded Western Union transactions.

"I'll need a local address for you sir."

"No, you don't."

Ok. I argued a little bit more with the guy. I told him that it was the policy of this store, not Western Union for him to leave a local address. But my fourth toe felt like it had bone cancer.

My ex-roomie has the Gout. He drinks way too much. I drink way too much. I can't think of any other reason, (other than the Bone Cancer) that my foot should hurt. I must have the Gout too. I have to stop drinking. If I stop drinking I will soon have to kill most of the people I meet in my customer service line. That's ok/I am getting moved to cashier anyway.

So I've got gout or bone cancer. My foot has swollen to three times it size. I can feel the restricted flow of blood in my little toe. Each individual red blood cell squeezing into my foot snaps my attention away from the really interesting things in life. Like an 8 legged girl. Born in India. (Where else?) 8 legs. That's like twice as many as a human quadruped. And Vladimir Putin covets all 8 of her legs. Icky! Vladdy, stay away form her you sicko.

Doctors create Vagina from Stem Cells

I scoop Katie once again on all things Vagina.

"Doctors in Italy used stem cells to reconstruct vaginas for two patients suffering from rare malformations. The vaginal tissue was grown using stem cells from the patients' own bodies, ANSA said Wednesday.

In the first case, a 28-year-old woman received a tiny square of mucous membrane a year ago and has since grown a vagina. A 17-year-old girl underwent the same procedure Tuesday in Rome's Umberto I hospital. Approximately one in every 5,000 female infants is born without a vagina, the news service said."

First I told you about the girls with two vaginas, and now I find out there is a sure cure for girls born without one. Wow, Science sure is advancing quickly. I guess with 1 in 5000 women not having a vagina the market for a new stem cell vagina is bigger than just the Re-Virgin market alone.

And I am not about to make the obvious "Paris Hilton can go buy a new vagina now" joke that you all saw coming.

8 year old gets molested by girl and then the law fucks him over by charging him with a crime

It's not everyday that you hear that an 8 year old gets charged with a sex crime.


8-Year-Old Charged For Sexual Conduct With Sitter.

But what makes this "crime" crazy is the 14 year old female babysitter is the molester.

"A mother is upset after a 14-year-old babysitter engaged in sexual conduct with her eight-year-old boy, and the eight-year-old was charged with lewd conduct. "

You heard that right, because the victim was a boy HE gets charged with a crime.

"The sexual conduct occurred during a game of “truth or dare” while the boy was being watched by the babysitter.Prosecutors say that, while the babysitter initiated the contact, the young boy was a willing participant."

I'm not certain who to induct into the Hall of Fame so I guess I will induct both of these kids. Here is more good news for both I guess:

"The district attorney’s office confirmed the charges had been made, and that they had been dropped. Other than that, they wouldn’t comment. The Division of Child and Family Services also declined to comment."

I will comment on the picture I included for this post. It turns out there is a running epidemic of people placing their children in microwave and conventional ovens.

I just want to make you happy

I am not a scientist, but I like to play one on my blog. That's why I will pass along this good piece of news to all you ladies out there.

Semen makes a women happy! :)

"The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful-and potentially addictive-mood-altering chemicals."

I've been telling my sex partners this for years. But now science and Psychology Today have backed me. I'm not just saying this because if you look up the yahoo local "group sex with out condoms" you will see a picture of me, I am telling you this because I love you. I care about your happiness. And condoms suck. I know this because your Mom told me.

Jared loves porn as much as you do

I don't want to blog much.

Mostly because it is Day 3

of my constipation.

I went to the store to buy a laxative.

I did my Internet research afterwards.

Turns out I bought a "stimulative" laxative.
The worse kind.

You can die from taking them.

So instead I ate some chili.

But the chili has no fiber.

Beans, but no fiber.

So I sit without relief.

Not so easy.

Either is this.

Former fat guy Jared from Subway

used to run Porn

from his college

dorm room.

He charged a buck a day per tape.

we are told he had quite the collection.

Shocking, huh?

That a huge fat man had an extensive porn collection.

After jerking off

all day

Old Jared would

waddle down to the new

subway that was just built

in his dorm room.

And scarf down a couple of subs.

Was he eating them without mayo and cheese, even then?

What does his wife think of all the extra flabby skin he must have.

What does she think of his encyclopedic knowledge of

1980's beta max pornography?

I tell you this.

She doesn't give a shit.

She is way to hott for him.

She only cares about his money.

I hope he knows this.

I hope he just fucks her for her looks.

Meanwhile I took a small dump

during the typing of this post.

My liver still hurts.

I am not sure if the shit was enough.

I may need to shit more.

It was a small dump.

nothing huge.

Or maybe my liver is just shot.

$3.79 down the drain.

I wanna go back to the drugstore and get my money.

If you've come here to read about the Midget who enjoys jail bait, read on.

People send me lots of e-mail. And its not all just about midgets who love the Jail Bait. Though most of time it is.

According to AzCental.com

An actor who has had several minor film and television roles was in a Maricopa County jail Thursday on suspicion of sexually abusing a 15-year-old girl.

Jonathan Simanton, 36, of California was staying with family when police say he fondled his nephews' teenage baby-sitter in Scottsdale.

Simanton, known for his 3-foot-6-inch height, has acted as an elf in Surviving Christmas, an Oompa Loompa in Epic Movie and a small part in Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie.

Police reports offer the following narrative of what investigators believe happened Tuesday based on an interview with the victim:

Simanton was staying at the apartment while the victim was baby-sitting his three nephews. The two spoke throughout the evening and the victim told Simanton she was 15 years old. Simanton said he would date the victim if he were 20 years younger.

Simanton called the victim into a bedroom where he was lying down on a bed. She sat on the floor next to him. He then proceeded to fondle and kiss the girl without her permission.

The victim told Simanton she had to go to the bathroom and left the apartment to report the incident. Simanton admitted to touching the victim inappropriately, and there were indications he was under the influence at the time of the incident. He is being held on a $4,500 bond."

Now Just how a 3 foot 6 inch guy can get accused of molesting a 15 year old is beyond me. Way beyond me. It seems to me that if your the same size as the person you are "fondling" then it's OK.

Plus I am pretty sure you are allowed to fondle the breasts of a 15 year old in Arizona. Or all that time I spent working at the Law Library was for nothing.

I am not a lawyer, but I did play a ghetto lawyer at work for 4 years.

Arizona Revised Statute 13-1410. Molestation of child; classification

A.) A person commits molestation of a child by intentionally or knowingly engaging in or causing a person to engage in sexual contact, except sexual contact with the female breast, with a child under fifteen years of age.

I gather from the law that it is perfectly fine to sexually manipulate the breast of any female aged 15 and above.

It's not like the guy was trying to post pics of a girl who's father is "a national candidate for president" on the Internet. I mean that would be wrong. But only really wrong if you "come out" as a ChoMo and call the 5 and 8 year old "hot."

When you read stuff like this epiphenomenalism doesn't sound so crazy

I was under the impression that epiphenomenalism was about as sound a scientific theory as judging one's character by the lumps on your head.

I think I am wrong. Well actually I am a little relieved. Secretly I have always been a bit of an "Epi" fan.

An article from The BPS research Digest details how "psychologists in Italy have reported the real-life case of AD, a 65-year-old whose identity appears dependent on the environment he is in.

He started behaving this way after cardiac arrest caused damage to the fronto-temporal region of his brain.When with doctors, AD assumes the role of a doctor; when with psychologists he says he is a psychologist; at the solicitors he claims to be a solicitor. AD doesn't just make these claims, he actually plays the roles and provides plausible stories for how he came to be in these roles."

I guess the point I am making here is that you are about as conscious as Ashlee Simpson, only she's cuter.

Can the Russian at my Jack-in-the-Box please stop coughing on me?

I haven't had a lot of time to blog recently. I've been spending most of my days surrounded by poker players in smoke filled casinos. Poker keeps me up to an ungodly time in the morning. I go to bed at noon and wake up at 6 pm. But before I go to bed I usually have breakfast at Harlow's by ASU. I love the girl in black leggings who brings me my eggs. She has the best ass in town.

I was reading the newspaper today at breakfast. When I discovered some guy who lives in the area has TB. Bad TB. So bad health officials won't let him leave the hospital.

"He is not allowed a TV, a radio, a cellphone, a shower or visitors. A video camera catches his every move. His floormates are criminals, including a suspect in the killing of a police officer."

Normally hearing news like that would upset me. But the guy in isolation for a deadly drug resistant disease lives nearby. He refused medication and went outside without his mask. His excuse?

"In Moscow," he said, "when I went to clinics, even the doctors did not wear masks."

Russians are dirty people who's rate of infection for TB is 15 times that of the United States. That's no excuse for me not caring about this guy, but it is a fact. The Russian has also stated that he is depressed to the point of crying.

"They're making a criminal out of me," he added. "I've been crying almost every day. . . . I'm all alone. No showers. No sunlight. It's the silence that's pushing down on me. . . . It's the worst you can get, even if you murdered somebody."

So I guess his life now was a lot like it was back in Russia. "There is certainly a high likelihood that the patient has developed additional drug resistant (sic) that may make cure impossible," the assessment said. "If this is the case, the patient must be detained in isolation until death or patient's own immune system contains it (50% chance of either possibility)."

And his prospects for a life here in America seem about as good as they do for the average Russian. A 50% chance of imprisonment or death. I am not sure what this guy can complain about. He sure can't be homesick.

My favorite movies always have a way of coming true.

Planet of the Apes. The original not the crap remake, maybe coming true. It seems some Chimps are arming themselves with spears. That's not good. As anyone who has seen Battle for the Planet of the Apes knows what happens to the humans.

Enjoy what time we have left.

35 years ago Susan Polk was Jail Bait this Week

At the age of 14 Susan Polk was in psychotherapy treatment. I am not sure why she was there. I am sure it had nothing to do with her psychic abilities to predict 9/11. Psychic abilities aren't illegal that I know of.

Stabbing your husband probably is. Even if you met him at the age of 14. And even if he was the guy giving you treatment for your crazy problems.

Here's a bit of advice:

If you are going to marry your 14 year old patient make sure you cure her ass of her delusions. Otherwise she just might stab you to death.

Here's another bit of advice:

If your wife can predict future events like 9/11 the government may send radio waves into her head telling her to kill you and set her up for life in prison.

"Susan Polk received the maximum sentence after acting as her own lawyer in a trial permeated with theatrics, including discussion of her psychic powers and cross-examination of her own sons. An attorney representing her Friday said she planned to appeal."

Susan Polk you are here by inducted into the Jail Bait Hall of Fame. Sorry it had to be 35 years too late.

Jail Bait of the week should not be a 12 year old boy turned transsexual

But I don't make the rules here folks. I just report the news. And the news is a 12 year old boy was given permission by his doctors to become a girl.

That's hot. No matter what your political feelings are.

More good news. They finally killed that damn horse.

Woman has Two Vaginas

Holy Crap. I just don't know what to say about this. How can this be true?

I didn’t know anything was different about me until I was fifteen. I was having all sorts of pain—woman stuff—but I’d get it checked out, and they wouldn’t find anything wrong. I guess the eighth doctor was more thorough. I remember I was lying there, and I heard her say, “Oops.”

What I’ve got is a rare condition called didelphic uterus—two vaginas, two cervices, and two uteruses. I look completely normal from the outside, but there’s a septum inside where everything branches into two. My doctor says I’m one in a million.

For a while I thought I was a total freak. I lost my virginity twice. The first time was when I was eighteen. Then I lost the other side two weeks later. To the same guy. You’d think I could have saved one of them for marriage.

Just like a woman not to at least save one of them for a Rainy Day or something. Does that mean you get twice the menses?

Can you think of the mess that poor JEWKAT would leave behind if she came double loaded.

Thomas Pynchon hates his family too

Pynchon is such a moody artistic ass that he won't show up to his nieces big movie opening.

Just because the big movie opening is a porn movie. Ever read a book by Mr. Pynchon? Well he has erotic imagery in it. The least he could do is give his family members enough money so they can get addicted to crack or show up to their pathetic public attempts at attention seeking.

Either way I blame Thomas for two things. The proliferation of "famous authors" niece porn. And his nieces decision to get that flabby belly button pierced.

Sneaky Robots are gaining on us

Don't look back in the mirror. If you do you may notice just how fast the Robot Uprising is approaching!

I haven't been keeping you up to date on all the horrific things out there, but that is just because it is all too scary and because nobody cares.

And since I want to be famous I normally will keep to posting about things you care about.

Now for the stuff you don't:

The Computer has over taken the human brain as the fastest and largest instrument of computational power. The Psych Pundit explains:

"As you may know, the brain is exquisitely designed to process information. Its array of 100 billion neurons, interconnected in a lattice of 100 trillion synapses (connections), is capable of processing an estimated 100 trillion pieces of information every second. This is an unfathomably large amount of computation."

None of my readers knew that Mr. Fancy Pants Scientist. We only knew that K-Fed had written something very obscene to Ms. Spears on a bathroom wall.

"For the first time in history, the human brain was supplanted as the most powerful computer on earth. That distinction is now held by an IBM supercomputer known as Blue-Gene/L, which clocked in this past October at an astonishing 280 trillion operations per second. It has about three times more processing capacity than the human brain!"

Luckily enough for us all that computational power is not going to waste, but instead is being used to improve our national nuclear missile arsenal.

Over at Robots.net they have a link that showcases a militarized robot that can choose to kill you or not. And if you think you can defeat Robots with guns, you are dumber than marrying an unemployed backup dancer without a prenuptial agreement. That's because Robots can now heal themselves.

We are all fucked. Not as fucked as K-Fed now that he will have to survive on his own. Because some of us still have skills the robots will desire after the overthrow. Me? I am gonna be a love slave. I have always wanted to be a "house" human.

Boston Celtics Dance Team-way ugly

I can't wait to blog about my road trip. I am headed from Tampa to Tempe via I-10. That means I will party down in New Orleans and visit my old hometown of Houston.

I am sure to bump into plenty of hookers at the Gainsville Florida Greyhound Bus Depot, the best bus depot in the world.

Until then I am pretty bored and I will have to spend my time surfing the net and maturbating to the half naked women on the internet like you losers do.

That's why I read the Bastardly because I enjoy any blog that uses Jailbait as a category.

Like the bastardly I also tend to be snarky and gossipy, but I am comfortable with that fact. Any website that allows gossip to stay firmly and securely within the confines of my latent misogyny is fine with me.

It's simply sexist to insist that gossip should be reserved for women.

And just like the Bastardly, I can't get over how ugly, fat and manly the current "dance team" for the Boston Celtics is.

The Celtic Dance Team makes Kelly Clarckson's new hairdo look flattering. After all she is just fat with a bad wig, but it wouldn't take you looking under her hood to convince you she had a pussy.

God puts Benzene in Soft Drinks.

Or maybe it was the soft drink makers, either way I am appalled. Christ, the one thing in my life that never lets me down (coke is it baby!) , but now I gotta be scared of this.

Orange soda appears to be the worst culprit (I just bought a bunch of orange soda for guests-hmm...guess I could throw it out...) Go here for the wiki wiki on this.

BREITBART.COM - Benzene Levels in Soft Drinks Above Limit

Prayer making heart patients sick!

Like we needed more proof that god does not exist...
Karma/prayer are all religious convictions and by defintion that makes them superstitions.

Sploid: Prayer making heart patients sick!:

"In the largest study of its kind, the Templeton Foundation has shown that prayer does nothing to aid those undergoing heart surgeries.

In fact, if a patient knows he's being prayed for, that very knowledge leads to a jump in complications.

A group of 1,800 patients were divided into three camps: those who knew they were being prayed for, those who knew they might be prayed for and were, and those who knew they might be prayed for and didn't get any prayers. "

Surprising Food Expiration Dates.

Question: "Is this luncheon meat any good?"

My answer: " Um...I don't think luncheon meat should have a head."

Re-question: "So I should probably just ditch it then, huh?

Me: "Well ya, just make sure you don't wake it up."

A handy, who-knew guide for 77 foods, beauty products, and household goods. (source: Fark.com)

With help from experts and product manufacturers, Real Simple has compiled a guide to expiration dates. These dates are offered as a rough guideline. The shelf lives of most products depend upon how you treat them. Edibles, unless otherwise indicated, should be stored in a cool, dry place. (With any food, of course, use common sense.)

Household cleaners also do best in a dry place with a stable temperature. After the dates shown, beauty and cleaning products are probably still safe but may be less effective.