Friday, May 11, 2007

Jared loves porn as much as you do


I don't want to blog much.
Mostly because it is Day 3
of my constipation.

I went to the store to buy a laxative.
I did my Internet research afterwards.

Turns out I bought a "stimulative" laxative.
The worse kind.

You can die from taking them.

So instead I ate some chili.
But the chili has no fiber.
Beans, but no fiber.

So I sit without relief.
Not so easy.

Either is this.

Former fat guy Jared from Subway
from his college
dorm room.

He charged a buck a day per tape.
we are told he had quite the collection.
Shocking, huh?
That a huge fat man had an extensive porn collection.

After jerking off
all day
Old Jared would
waddle down to the new
subway that was just built
in his dorm room.
And scarf down a couple of subs.

Was he eating them without mayo and cheese, even then?
What does his wife think of all the extra flabby skin he must have.
What does she think of his encyclopedic knowledge of
1980's beta max pornography?

I tell you this.
She doesn't give a shit.
She is way to hott for him.
She only cares about his money.
I hope he knows this.
I hope he just fucks her for her looks.

Meanwhile I took a small dump
during the typing of this post.

My liver still hurts.
I am not sure if the shit was enough.
I may need to shit more.
It was a small dump.
nothing huge.

Or maybe my liver is just shot.
$3.79 down the drain.
I wanna go back to the drugstore and get my money.


6 comments:

Evil Spock said...

You better get your money before they spend it on fake mustaches.

They'll make a fool out of you.

Knows It All said...

you should just hire someone to step on your stomach a few times a day. More effective than you would think

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Heroin addicts should be used to the constipation by now. I'm just saying.

Romius T. said...

So true Evils spock.

Instead I just chose to finally take the laxative I bought.

MMM. Poop.

Knows it all

May I hire you? Awesome!

Monkey
It's been a long time since I admitted to my heroin addiction. Thanks for kepping it real with me!

Jezebelsriot said...

Since I enjoy my bowel movements so much I dread the day my body does not work properly. I don't know if I can handle the betrayal. I hope the world turns brown for you soon.

Romius T. said...

the world is finally brown again!