Thursday, February 19, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
I ate bacon for dinner today. Bacon, eggs, two pieces of white bread, 2 Dr. Peppers, and a handful of green M&M's. Because I care about my health.
Last night I caught myself in the mirror while jacking off. The whole thing was disturbing. I was hand fisting myself--all intense like-- while watching some YouTube video that you would never consider sexual, but that's because you're into normal shit like horse and donkey porn.
The guy I looked at was me but I would have never guessed that. He looks just like the middle aged fat guys on YOVuTU.com. I mean I was scary and I know scary. The lights were off and it was dark and the mirror image of myself could only be seen because of the flickering lights of my computer monitor (down to 55% of the screen because the monitor is going out.)
I should go drinking again tonight. I have 30 dollars in my account. I think I could get drunk on $20. Drinking would leave me with 10 dollars but that is ok as I get paid Thursday.
My insurance company is pissed off at me. They want me to phone them and tell my side of the story of my accident. The story goes like this, "I sure hope it was that guys fault as I can not afford a 1000 deductible."
I need some new jeans. All my slacks touch the ground over my shoes because I never find my size on sale. I just buy whatever pair of jeans are on sale and fuck that I need a size 30 (or even 29 inch length--I have short legs.)
All my clothes don't fit and the ones that fit are starting to fray.
This is uncomfortable for me. The older I get the less it is possible for me to fake being middle class. Maybe I should just embrace my middle lower class status and stop fighting the slow path of entropy I am on. I am not middle class. I just need to stop pretending I am lower middle class.
The mp3 player I bought from a kid at work is dying on me. The battery has finally had it after a year and a half.
Aren't you glad I am posting again?
Maybe we should hear from Romius T. soon. I miss that guy. He seems to know what he is doing and what he is talking about. I for one have no clue.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Real life sucks for me and I just can't devote the energy or enthusiasm I would like to writing a blog that no one reads or cares about. I guess I should just make this blog private and that way I could write for me and I think we'd all be better off.
I hate how bloggers are always threatening to stop blogging, and I am not going to be one of those bloggers that holds a knife over your neck in order to fish for compliments. I just wanted the VERY FEW loyal readers to know that I will be posting infrequently until I decide I want to post more often.
Not that you missed me. I know the last month or two has been shitty on this blog. I haven't been able to meet even this blogs low expectations even with all kinds of stuff going on to blog about.
- NBA legend Otis Thorpe played poker with me and bought me a cap and signed it. Otis is a class act and a real gent.
- I've been stood up on 2 dates.
- I had a car accident. And since I have a 1,000 dollar deductible and you can bet I am going to be driving ghetto for a while.
Those are just some highlights from this last week. So you can see stuff has been happening.
I had this elaborate story about getting stood up- but now that I have finally sat down to type it out- I can't remember it.
I have started 3 or 4 posts this month, but they sucked so bad that I gave up on them and I haven't been able to write since.
My ingrown toenail is still not healed. I realize I am fucking ghetto. I need to go to the doctor, but I also need to pay my taxes, get my car fixed, buy a new computer, and go on a date this year.
I see roughly none of that getting done.
I want to thank the guys at Hell's leading newspaper for giving me a visual link. I know Pain said he is waiting for part 2. Part 2 sucked. I just waited in a bar. Then I got a text that cancelled. Then I never heard from her again.
I guess I am ugly. I am not sure when that happened. I mean I have never been good looking. But I was never as ugly as I am now. I am just getting old and fat.
Speaking of fat I was looking at some pictures of me that a few friends put up on the MySpace, and by friends I mean people I work with, and by people I work with I mean a bunch of 18 year old kids. I hang out with kids because that is exactly where my career is at. I have to hang with them because I am on the same peg as 18 year old kids with no education who are just starting out in life.
Like I said I was looking at the pictures and I noticed how fat I am. Jim Belushi fat. I must have some kind of disorder because my face looks fatter than the rest of me. I might have some kind of infection in my throat or nodes or whatever they call it, because I can feel how swollen my tonsils or nodes are when I press my thumbs under my jaw.
They puff out and make my face swollen. Its really disgusting to look at, even more disgusting than my fat belly which I can hide by sucking it in when I am standing up. But not when I am sitting down.
I think sugar has something to do with it. Whenever I drink soda my face puffs out like I am allergic or something. My face gets redder than normal (which is sickeningly red as it is.)
All I know is I feel useless, bloated, and disgusting so I guess I know what it is like for you ladies to be on your period.
Because I feel like shit I decided to get drunk.. I ended up at the Lucky Devil.
The guy [ FARLEY] who manages the local Applebee's was there. So was the bartender who works at the Lucky Devil and Baers' Bar. Near the end of the night they both left together (but separately) like somehow we weren't supposed to figure out they were leaving together. Like for some reason we are supposed to care about their secret relationship. Ok. I guess I care enough to spread rumors they are fucking.
The only reason I bring it up is that I was hoping to "hit" the bartender and I think we can say that shit ain't gonna happen now. Also FARLEY talks a lot and TALKS VERY LOUDLY. I mean he is a nice guy and all I even sat near him so we could talk, or just so I could hear his stories (which are Ok but not that great-- he needs to really to take it down a bit- as the stories are really pedestrian and in no way match the enthusiasm he usually tells them with.) Also, the man has no VOLUME control. I should mention that Applebee's prides itself on the coldness of its tap beer. Because if I did not mention it FARLEY would have.
Well this post sucked.
I am sorry. I really can't do better, which is why I suck. And why I will die alone. Just like CAPTAIN KIRK.
Only KIRK is a fucking GOD and I am a FUCKING loser.
And you read me.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
My way the girls get to feel the rush and excitement of pressing against a man old enough to be their father without all the baggage and psychological damage that having an incestuous relationship can give them. All because I have masturbated the feeling out of my penis during the last 5 years of gender enforced abstinence.
I blame that abstinence on women my age who have spurned me, all because they refuse to grow up and settle down with a man who earns half of what they earn, just because they think they deserve better, even though we both know that you will be staying home alone again on Valentine's Day, unless you count the cat you rescued from the kill shelter. The cat that never learned that it's ok to be loved, and he attacks you every time you go to place food down for him. Which I guess just goes to show you that love always hurts.
Which is why on Febuarary 14th you will be downing loads of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and watching reruns of old Katherine Hepburn movies, because even though she won 5 Oscars she died alone. She died alone all because the older a woman gets the more society hates them. Not that you didn't already know that, but the real reason you get depressed (even on made up romatic holidays) is because you are finally coming to terms with how your sexuality is reving up just in time for the all the men in your life to become disinterested by the sagging of your tits.
The good news is that I guess you now know what it's like to be me. Futile, huh? All that sexual energy and nothing to stick your penis sized clit into.