Friday, May 29, 2009
I got invited to go "tubing" down the river. One of the new 18 year old courtesy clerks invited me. We are friends because she tells me how she likes to go out and party on the weekend.
She did coke on Thursday. On Friday she did E. Saturday started off with E, but then she and some friends decided to do a few coke lines as well. I guess that fucked her up because she slept all day Sunday which meant that I had to scan groceries and then bag them myself.
My back is killing me now. Did I mention that? I think my backaches are giving me headaches because now all of a sudden I have a headache. I am going to have to take something for it. I tried drinking 2 cokes in hopes that all I was having was caffeine withdraws. But the cokes did not help so I went ahead and took ibuprofen. Who cares if the ibuprofen causes my liver to fail? Worse case scenario is I wake up in a pool of my own shit.
If I die in some kind of "shitty" accident people will gloss over how how I am a failure at the funeral and only talk about the tragic circumstances of my death and speculate about what my roommate is going to do with a bed that is soaked in feces.
I have shit on the brains because my roommate made brownies. Brownies always make me think of shit. Even though brownies are awesome.
Did you know that the brownie recipe of today is really only about a hundred years old? And that the brownie is considered a cookie-bar and not a cake? The internet is full of wonderful information.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
After work I spent my last 11 dollars buying stuff for a big BBQ. I figure I can't afford to do much other than eat cheap cow meat. I bought one of those portable "one time use" bbq grills for 3 dollars at work, then I limped my way across the street to the bus stop carrying 4 bags of groceries.
My store was out of the frozen ground beef that was on sale at work.
I had the meat guy look in the fridge and that's when my manager saw me and asked if she could substitute something for the sale item. I told her yes but I did not want to take advantage of my job so I bought the cheapest meat I could find and the manager gave me a 2 for 1 deal.
Except the substituted item is exactly the same as the stuff I just threw out after I made the mistake of buying soy meat from Walmart. Never again. I still ate a burger and so did the FRO. My store brand was not as bad tasting as the Walmart stuff, but maybe that was the smoke and gasoline altering the taste.
Friday, May 22, 2009
I am not sure why I wrote this.
It is very cloudy outside and I am drinking an Iced Tea from Jack in the Box. I bought a journal to keep notes in. I can't view my blog from my phone, but I can add blog posts. I was going to add to the opus, but since I can't see what I have already written I decided to blog about the stupid things I find on fast food cups.
I was asked to work late. Till midnight. Maybe I will work on the book when I get home.
I should ask if you guys want to read more posts from the book or should I just keep adding and editing the original post. Which would be better?
I have discovered how to add footnotes to my blog. This will quickly annoy you. However i cannot edit anything once I copy and paste from my word doc on blogger. This is annoying.
The point of the book is to tell you how to live your life "without purpose."
The introduction begins by suggesting to the readers that an awareness of solitude or aloneness with the universe is the first step in understanding that the universe has no point and has no meaning and has no plan for you.
The introduction then deals with the problem of deism as a the only sensible alternative to purposeless atheism.
There is much more. The intro is not complete. At some point I will have a word doc available for any who wish to view. I will continue to add to the posts I have set forth and will occasionally post an excerpt. Many times I will skip over parts of the book when I choose to excerpt something.
What you are looking at are rough first drafts. Hopefully the later versions will be funnier and provide a better explanation of what I am trying to say.
I would like to thank you in advance for being the Guinea Pigs.
A Purposeless Driven Life.
A Purposeless Driven Life®
A Magnum Opus by Romius T.
Subtitled: A compendium of all the things I have learned.
There is no purpose to life. A fact you are well aware of.
Life is Empty.
You feel alone. Good. You feel alone because you are alone. There is no god. Even if there was a god, he does not care about you.
I had hoped to get around talking about the non-existence of god in this essay, but since I brought it up and since so many of you will have some kind of belief in god I guess I might as well tackle that belief head on.
Deism is not an acceptable answer to the purposeless driven life. That’s because deism allows many of its practitioners to see purpose in the world. Pernicious deists go further and see agency in nothing more than the random patterns of the phenomenal world.
Some time ago a group of ambitious Deists must have combined agency with purpose. Those deists see “design” in the universe and believe that design means there must be a god. 
But not all deists make such easy to refute claims. Albert Einstein is one such case. Einstein is credited by Richard Dawkins with such a defensible case for deism that Dawkins refused to debate him in The God Delusion.
"[If you]try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible laws and connections, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in fact, religious." [My emphasis]
Einstein was a great man. He was also a very smart man. He was much smarter than me. But is what Einstein talking about god? "Yes, you can call it that.”
No. You can’t. That’s not god.
The awe that humans feel when confronted with the “inexplicable” is understandable and it is what drives every great scientist and philosopher to truth. The desire to make sense of the world is natural. Every child is born with it. Curiosity may not be limited to humans in the animal kingdom, but it certainly is one of our finest characteristics. But it is a giant leap to go from confusion to god and from god to worship.
The problem with the Veneration of Mystery.
I don’t worship anything I don’t understand. I don’t know why anyone would. That's why I am more of a Troy Aikman kinda guy and less of a Tony Romo kinda guy. Even still. That seems like a personal choice of mine and not a logical argument.
Let me break down the “logical” argument for you into several parts.
Deists act like Atheists.
Einstein said that he “venerated” the “force behind” the seeming logical consistency of the world. But did he? Did he go to church? Did he light candles? Did he worship? Did he pray? How did he devote himself to the force?
The answer is he did not. Einstein pissed a lot of people off when he admitted that he did not believe in a personal god. That is why Spinoza was excommunicated. And rightfully so. Deists never get around to really doing anything religious. They love a good mystery. They make terrific writers of constitutions, but they really have no place for gods as most people understand them. Because Deists don’t act like religious people they often get confused for Atheists. 
The world may not be so darn comprehensible. Einstein was not a fan of Quantum Mechanics. He once famously said that “god does not play dice with the universe.” He was wrong. God does play dice. Even if god does not play dice, I just wanted you to know that I knew that quote by Einstein. Also, I knew that the second I started the sentence “Einstein once famously said…” you expected me to use that quote. So I did.
I guess my point is that if Einstein would have just paid more attention to Quantum Mechanics he might have been an Atheist and saved us all a lot of trouble.  But he didn’t.
I have a problem with prayer.
I work in a grocery store. I noticed that a customer would come in about once a week to buy candles. He bought 40 dollars worth of candles every week. That's a lot of candles. One day I let my curiosity get to me. I asked him about the candles.
“Why do you buy so many candles?”
The customer went on to tell me that he bought the candles as a donation to his church. It seems that worshipers at his church lit candles for certain ceremonies. They used a lot of candles and a lot of the church goers he worshiped with were poor. So this customer took it upon himself to buy as many candles as he could afford so that everyone at his church could light one whenever they needed.
I like that story. Even though I don’t believe in the efficacy of prayer or lighting candles it was moving to know that the human heart can be so giving. My customer seemed very sincere and devout. The customer was obviously an immigrant to this country. He spoke broken English and wore dirty work pants whenever he shopped. I was certain my customer could not really afford to spend 40 or 50 dollars a week of his salary on something that did not directly benefit him.
I think many of my religious friends would like to use the immigrant candle buyer as a powerful argument for the existence of god. They would argue that god touched my customer’s life and opened his heart.
But I have my doubts about the candles and the praying.
I study prayer. I thank god for unanswered prayers.
No less a personage than Garth Brooks has offered forth a defense of prayer to the faithful.
“Thank god for unanswered prayers.”
If what Garth meant by his this statement is that “we should be careful what we wish for” then I am all for the sentiment.
But I think Garth had something else in mind. I think what Garth Brooks meant to was to defend the efficacy of prayer. His defense of prayer sounds a lot like the rationalizations one hears from god fearing folk when they face trouble or tragedy.
“Little Billie was just too good for this Earth. That’s why god drown in him the Bayou.”
Billie is dead and drown, yet we are supposed to feel no sorrow. Garth sings,
“just because he [god] doesn’t answer, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.”
Garth goes on to add that, “some of god’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.”
Apparently one of god’s gifts is not the ability to avoid circular reasoning. We did not want Billie to drown. We prayed for god to intercede on Billie’s behalf. He did not. Therefore prayer does not work.
 Why else would you begin to read this essay? Perhaps you started to read this essay because two days have passed since your birthday, and no one acknowledged your birthday. No one should have. By not acknowledging your birthday your friends have given you not just a gift, but the very best gift they can give you. The gift of awareness about the emptiness of life. (See footnote #2.)
 I have glossed over a very important part of the book here. In fact it is the crux of what we will be talking about later. I know that you are not interested in what I have to say yet, so I have to get the stuff that you are interested in out of the way even though it really is not as germane as you think it is.
 I know there is no need to instruct you on the silliness of a personal god. All I have to do is point out that Zeus is not real. Nobody prays to Zeus anymore. Speaking of praying, I have no idea why people pray, or light candles. Really! When the fuck did lighting a candle ever do anything? If you think that lighting a candle can do something other than increase your contribution to the alarming growth of green house gasses into the Earth’s atmosphere then you are fooling yourself. What you really believe in is magic. And that is sad. There is no such thing as magic. I know that saying that “there is no such thing as magic” seems like a big claim, and maybe it is. You might even want me to prove my claim. Well I am not gonna. And I think you are an asshole for suggesting to me that I should. By the way, if you believe in magic you can’t claim to be a deist. If you are not a Deist then I must put you in the same category as the monotheists, polygamists, and the crazy right wing creationists. A category I call “crazy folk.” If you still feel that I must address “the problem” of a personal god I suggest you go read Sam Harris.
 I hope you enjoyed the End of Faith.
 At least the dictionary says you should.
 Do I really need to suggest to you that you go and read Kant? If you don’t want to do the research for yourself then you HAVE to take my word for it. The ontological argument is an argument only an idiot could like.
 Personal communication with Card Shark.
 I still think Tony Romo is going to win me and the Dallas Cowboys at least 2 Super Bowls.
 If you like big words you might have used aesthetics.
 I suppose you don’t know who he is either. Einstein based some of his understanding of the god force on the pantheism of Spinoza, "I believe in Spinoza's God, who reveals himself in the lawful harmony of all that exists, but not in a God who concerns himself with the fate and the doings of mankind."
 There is a huge fight between Atheists and theists over Einstein. It seems everybody wants a piece of him.
 We could play a bunch of logic games here. If the world is ultimately incomprehensible (i.e. the thing in itself that is the force behind the apparent lawfulness of the universe) how could the world be comprehensible at all? We probably need to read more Kant.
 Interesting side note, Einstein’s religious thinking may have clouded his scientific mind to the point that he overlooked Quantum Mechanics and thus he avoided reconciling the new science with his theory of relativity ultimately dooming his quest for a theory of everything. A theory of everything could prove god does not exist (which would make this whole introduction parenthetical.)
 Who knew I was going to talk so much about candles?
 It’s nice to see a man sacrifice for his fellow brethren. But the simple fact remains there is no evidence that prayer works. None. A few studies have tried to prove the power of prayer. They all failed. Some of those experiments actually suggested that intercessory prayer actually harms.
 Just get a dictionary.
 To suggest that false outcomes are “proof positive” is to engage in classic case of circular reasoning. If you still don’t understand circular reasoning I am afraid you will need to take a course in logic. Once you complete the course you may continue to the next chapter. Don’t cheat and just keep reading. You really only cheat yourself when you do things like that. If you want more proof that prayer does not work you should check out: Why won’t god heal amputees?
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
My liver is dying again. I took the brightest green shit of my life today. Christmas tree green.
I'd go to the doctor, but I worry that they will discover something wrong with me, and then I will be stuck in this cashiering job for the rest of my life, because once you get diagnosed with a disease you can't change jobs and get health care.
Me legs are cramping out on me. My feet hurt and of course my back is going out. I make it through the day by swallowing ibuprofen and guzzling soda. If I have enough caffeine I can get through anything even the liver damage that ibuprofen causes. Of course ibuprofen and soda cause my acid reflux to act up and so I have to take Complete to block all the unwanted acid. I am sure causes liver disease too.
My bowel movement was almost magical. It was so green. I would have thought it beautiful. If it was not full of cancer.
I notice all of you are pregnant.
Yesterday the store was full of pregnant women. Most are attractive young women with "starter" baby bumps. I seen these girls come in the store for two years now. Sometimes they flirt with me. They always smile at me when I hand them their receipt. Today I noticed how a third of them have gotten knocked up.
First time pregnant women are a hoot. They walk around the giant refrigerators with a mocking smile. They stare out at space and seem lost. Absent minded they rub their growing bellies. They look for reassurance everywhere.
I live in the ghetto so none of the women are married. Most of the girls have boyfriends they would have broken up with 5 months ago, but now they have to cling to the idea that they found the right guy.
The boyfriends tend to push the grocery carts without enthusiasm. One wants to buy frozen pizzas. Another tries to use food stamps to buy energy drinks and 40 ounce beer in tall aluminum cans.
Mostly the boyfriends feel trapped. They are mice caught nibbling cheese. Now they are wondering if the cat is on her way. They are wondering if it is better to gnaw off their tails than to wait for the agonizing death that stalks them.
So many of the pregnant girls are college girls. Going to ASU. Getting drunk and fucking all the boys they want.
One sweet girl is buying a pretty pink bottle of vodka. Her belly pops out of her tank top shirt. She is wearing booty shorts from the 1970's. The shorts have purple lined stitching. It almost looks like she only has a pot belly from drinking. But her belly is hard. Her hair is soft and oily.
I know the signs.
I wonder if she knows she can't drink anymore? I bet she is in the horny stage of pregnancy. I think she is buying the vodka for a cookout. She is probably enjoying staying at home with her live-in- boyfriend who decided not to go back to Pennsylvania for the summer. They rented a house with a pool and a few roommates from Marketing class.
The boyfriend drinks at home and grills steaks and the little girl is enjoying this playtime of domesticity. She still hasn't told her parents and they still live off of his dad's credit cards.
The girl wears a lot of make up but does not look slutty. She just looks happy and you wonder about her sanity. In a few months the dreariness of being pregnant will come at her. Her boyfriend will look for an apartment "closer to school" and I will see her in line at the food stamp office.
I will offer her a listen to my i-pod on the bus ride back to the ghetto. I bought a headphone splitter just for the occasion. She puts on the headphones just to drown out the chattering and crying of her baby for a minute.
She hates my music, but she thanks me anyway. She is a people pleaser. She makes funny faces at her baby. She gives me a look out of the corner of her eye. Waiting to see my reaction. If I pass her test she will talk to me more. Maybe ask me about my life.
The summer day is hot and we both stir around trying to get unstuck from the plastic seats. Every time the bus door opens we get a heat blast from the furnace outside. The bus rolls back and forth and knocks down the stroller she is carrying. I bend down to pick it up and she thanks me as I pop one headphone out of my ear just in time to hear her say " ."
"Your welcome." I mouth to her as she fusses with her child. Trying to situate him on her lap.
A computerized voice announces my stop. I pull the wire to let the driver know to slow down. I hop off the bus and give one look back. The girl looks tired, but not beat down. She has stacks of W.I.C. checks pushing out of a dirty manila folder. Her flip flops barely touch the floor of the bus, and she waves at me underneath a nursing that doubles as a sun shield.
I wave back at her. And hop off the bus.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
When a pregnant woman stops you on the street to tell you about pregnant horse porn I think you naturally assume that she must be talking about a couple of horses "fucking" and one of them is pregnant.
I doubt you'd think she was talking about her desire to have sex with a horse while being pregnant.
But if a sicko like that stopped you in the street I bet you could impress on them the knowledge of their social faux pas with a simple raise of your eyebrows.
But what if "that person on the street" was actually an anonymous poster on the Internet?
How would you scold that person for their inappropriate behavior?
A flame war?
And who you hold responsible when all you have to blame is the lawless community of anonymous internet geeks who refuse to learn even the basics of human interaction.
Something has gone terribly wrong here.
I want to remind you to be careful when opening the responses you get from the fetish requests you make on the internet, because after you click on the link that the creepy internet nerd sent, you may never be turned on by pregnant chicks again. And that would be terrible thing!
It is relevant to your interests.
I know the anonymous internet poster just wanted to help a fellow fetishist out. But posters should take more care when answering requests they get in cyberspace.
And if you are an internet responder and you fuck up... just admit it. Apologize. Don't flame me back with the old Internet adage "it is relevant to your interests."
That's just not the appropriate response to a situation that requires you to apologize.
You guys have no idea how to handle social situations.
I know all you anonymous posters on 4chan hate rules. And I know that flaming back one of those super geek fetish porn addicts who befriends you by offering you free porn can be risky. That's why I am telling the community at large how to behave and not him.
He would probably just hack into my computer and download all kinds of illegal stuff into it and then call the cops on me.
We live in age of entitlement that sickens me.
Instead I had to tell him thank-you:
"Thanks for sending me that link to the pregnant women fucking horse fetish website. Because I really wanted to know just how specific people feel they can be in this age of over the Internet porn."
That guy still owes me an apology. Horses fucking pregnant chicks is not "relevant to my interests." I mean... not that horses fucking gets me off either.
I like to watch pregnant chicks fucking. Maybe they could be sisters from Japan wearing bright navy blue school girl outfits sucking off horses.
I mean except for the horses part. I like PONIES not HORSES you FREAKS!
I guess I could have linked to the webpage, but that would make it weird for us.
Monday, May 11, 2009
I have no hope.
Without hope I don't have to worry about getting depressed. Depressed people are always looking out at the world with expectations and getting only reality to stare back at them. Reality has a way of kicking you in the ass. Reality is a hundred and twelve degree day in Phoenix. Sweat pouring down your balls. Your asshole so smelly it could kill a turtle.
Walking the curbs.
Walking the sidewalks in this town is always an adventure. And I don't mean the homeless people. It's easy to ignore the homeless when you drive around town in your air conditioned cars.
Waiting at the bus stop with them is a different story.
Homeless people always ask me for money. I bet we have that in common. Talking about shared experiences passes for funny. Ask Dane Cook. Not that I have anything against Dane Cook. He is very likable.
Anytime a homeless person asks me for money I always tell them, "I was just about to ask you for some." Then I tell them I need the money to get to work.
"I just need a few bucks for the bus."
I figure if I get to work I won't be homeless.
"What the world needs is fewer homeless people. Since you are already homeless you might as well give me the money and keep me from getting fired which will allow me to keep my apartment and not be homeless which will not add to the suffering of the world."
Never argue philosophy with the homeless.
All homeless people have PhD's in Philosophy. They will quote you guys from 300 years ago you have only heard of.
Eventually you will agree with whatever homeless guy has said and give him a dollar so you can put on your headphones and jack up the volume to UFO's "Youngblood."
"That's an easy-going hard rocking song with caustic lyrics."
I think the description of this song from the YouTube submitter is right on.
If you wondered why I posted a picture of Miley Cyrus in a bikini it's because my posting a picture of her in stockings blew my stats up by 100 hits a day. I like all the hits I get even though the hits represent a few hundred perverts who click on the site for 3 seconds to view the photo.
At least with my stats rocking out like this I can get up for writing in the blog. And since so many of you wait by the computer for my posts all these Miley Cyrus pictures benefit you too. I mean I know I still have only 14 followers which means that most of you who read me don't have gmail or are too embarrassed to place your profile on my blog. I am not sure I can blame you. But I sure could use more followers.
Miley Cyrus looked pretty good in that bikini.
I figure I have to get around about writing about Slacker Anger. Only thing is that writing sometimes allows the anger to dissipate into the background cosmic radiation that sat around in the universe for 15 billion years before we came around and designed experiments to appreciate it.
The Boston Globe wrote about Slackers. How we downsized life. And how our downsized lives made us recession proof. I wrote about that the other day. But of course I am always a few steps ahead of the mainstream. That's why you read this blog. I'm always a few steps ahead of you.
Like I know how that song rocks....
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
But I got an e-mail from my one daily reader urging me to write anything and I listened. I get a lot of advice from readers of this blog, and I always listen to it which is ironic since the title of this blog is the Self Help Center which I think means that I am supposed to be offering you advice.
I've had this idea for a while that I should write a "how to" on how to survive the recession.
i WRITE a HALF-HEARTED hOW tO sURVIVE tHE rECESSION
So I guess this is the worst recession since 1982 when Ronald reagan was in office. I was around then too and my family made it by having 16 family members live in a two bedroom apartment. Sure the food stamps ran out quickly and several of us got Hepatitis, but that never stopped my parents from voting Republican.
When the food stamps ran out we just ate beans and rice like we were starving Africans. I guess that's why I've always had a soft place in my heart for the children of starving Africans. It's because I can identify with them. I mean I've never had flies lay eggs in my eyes, but that's because of the energy the free student lunch program gave me.
Back then we were so poor that me and my cousins hated the weekend because the weekend meant no school and no school meant no free breakfast, and we were excited by Mondays because Monday meant at least 2 free meals for sure, and that meant that the 12 kids living in the 5 bedroom sublet would not be home to eat all day, and that meant that there would be food left over for dinner. Three meals in a day during the school week. We were in heaven!
Maybe I should have left this post unpublished.
Though as you can see I have good ideas. I've got lots of good ideas for posts. It's just the execution is not there.
Like I have my idea for writing a second Miley Cyrus fan fiction story.
This time Miley's puppies get sick-
based on a true story
(she twittered about it!)
Her puppies get sick by catching some sex disease
because she is in to bestiality
then she writes God on Twitter
(check to see if god is on twitter/if not start god on twitter account)
god twitters her to put puppies in plastic bag
and then drown them in her bath water
I am sure that is a great idea.
I just don't have any dialogue for it.
Friday, May 01, 2009
Here is a picture of Miley Cyrus wearing pantyhose.
I had no idea that women still wore pantyhose.
I know that Miley is only 16 and hence does not count as a woman, but it strikes me as even unlikelier that a 16 year old would wear pantyhose in public. But I guess they do.
I don't have reason for posting pictures of Miley Cyrus in her pantyhose. In fact I should really stop posting pictures of Miley. I should start listening to my Google Analytics page and post pictures of cute Emo boys since the only people who read this site aren't pedophiles but 40 something women.
But I don't want to. I don't share your interests Moms.
I had to post this picture because I think pantyhose is creepy. Also, from the looks of Miley's feet she does not know how to choose shoes. Her feet look pretty cramped in those high heels.
Now go read my Miley Cyrus Fan Fiction!
Not that we have gotten that silliness behind us....
We can talk about something important like the Swine Flu.
I am upset about the Swine Flu.
(I for one am not going to stop calling the Swine Flu the Swine Flu.)
The reason I am upset about the Swine Flu is that I work with the public, and the public goes around spreading the swine flu without a care.
I don't receive any hazard pay for braving the flu and being on the "front lines."
Mexico has basically shut down their entire economy. The only places left open are police stations, hospitals, and grocery stores.
It's funny. All of sudden what I do is important to you. Not that you would ever admit it by paying me better. But the market has spoken I guess and that means I will continue to be paid in such small quantities that I will be compelled to work even in the face of sure death by exposure to a Pandemic.
I can tell you this.
As soon as the Swine Flu breaks out in Tempe you motherfuckers are on your own. You can come to the store and scan and pack your own groceries, because I damn sure ain't gonna do it for you. I am not going to risk my life for you. I don't like you. In fact I hate you.
I can spread this rumor.
Hospitals in Phoenix are jammed full of flu victims. I was told this by a customer . She just got out of the hospital. She came through my line and purchased 70 dollars worth of DVD's.
Why would anyone do that? Has this girl never hear of Blockbuster or NetFlix? I asked the girl why she bought so many DVD's. She said she had the flu and had been in the hospital for a week. She went on to add that there were "hundreds" of people in the hospital for the flu and that the government was not admitting to it.
Then I remembered something told to me by an Indonesian school girl I met on Omegle a "chat room for strangers."
She told me that it was possible that I was not getting better even though many of my flu symptoms have gone away. She mentioned the Dengue Fever. And how the the Dengue fever goes into hibernation. You feel better, "but the disease is just getting stronger."
Strong enough to kill you.
I guess that is why the customer bought herself enough videos to last a week. She knows that the flu will kill her in the next week so she did not mind buying the DVD's vs renting them. Which I guess means that I have a week to live to.
This is all starting to make sense.