Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Tagged Again.

No. That's gross.


I have to pick one? How about being tagged again?

AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? Hell yes. When I visited my Auntie Norma all she has on the TV was Christian Broadcasting. I honestly thought her TV was broke. So I spent all day with the Lego's or outside away from all that Christian Propaganda.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF REALITY TV? Sucks for the most part. But most TV that is not Battle Star Galactica sucks.

DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? Only when I am horny or near death. Or in prison for a weapon.


IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? Sure. Chicks digg me.

WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? Black like my penis.


HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? Scared of heights mofo.

ANY SECRET TALENTS?I am uniquely known to posses zero talents whatsoever.

CAN YOU SWIM? I won't drown, but I am still not letting you on the lifeboat first.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE DONNIE DARKO? Yes. What is the big deal about this movie? Let me guess before this movie your favorite was the Green Mile.

DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? Sure. I care more about getting laid though.




WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?I just don't understand it. But I agree with killing animals.

IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? not for a while. After I get jailed for killing a lot of women, I will be found a great deal sexier by the finicky opposite sex.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, they might use it to profile me.

WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? This question was written by BIG PHARM. This whole meme has no other purpose.


DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? They are so sad. Of course.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? Over easy. There is simply no other way.

ARE BLONDES DUMB? Women yea. Men only sometimes.

WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? That's where Dark Matter comes from.

1 P.M.

IS MCDONALDS DISGUSTING? Delicious cheeseburgers.


IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?yes. And don't fuck with him or piss him off. He would molest you and kill your parents. Also he might be a cannibal.

DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?only if your kissin it.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? No, just the stuff I walk on.


CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? Both I like old fashioned peanut btter too!

CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? That's wrong on every level.


IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? I'm not sure. define drug free? caffeine is a drug, no? I'm a coke ho.

ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?Not at all. I never sleep. Which is why I am a terrorist.


DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? Are you kidding?

ARE YOU PSYCHIC? Are you kidding. Any idiot who still believes in magic should be shot.


DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? First chair violin in the 7th grade. Hell ya. Mad props to me.

HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY? What else do you call it?


DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?I could. Can I kill any islolated campers while I am there?

DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH? Only when Bill cosby comedyy albums are playing.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? I just answered that question, but no. God is not real. There is no such thing as Karma. ETC. etc.

ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? I fucking hate dogs !!!!

YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? of course. I've had a starter marriage. big fan of divorce. everyone should give it a twirl at least once.

CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? no, but I can do the earth walk.





HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU LIKE RIGHT NOW? 323 of Larry King's Laoatian Min-Wives.


DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? wht? No amercrombie?



Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I just got back from walking to the store for some coke.

I need to rest up a bit. If you had my blood pressure you would understand. I am 345 pounds and half gorilla. If you could feel my jugular right now you would feel how it is pounding away at me.

My fat isn't the jiggly kind. It's more like hard yellow brick. Sometimes it feels like the blood feels all pudgy and gets stuck in my veins. I want to rub it. To coerce it through back through my veins like jelly stuffed in a donut. But I hear that is the worse thing you can do for a clot. You rub a clot and it couldpass through right to your brain or to your heart.

I have been called a hypochondriac or an "Aunt Jeannie."

But if your blood pressure was as high as mine I think your thoughts would naturally turn to strokes too. 36 members of my family have died by stroke and 72 of them have been on November 29th. And most of all them before their 36th birthday.

So you'll have to pardon me if I am a little skittled today.

I've got other problems like the shooting pain in my left hand. I can't tell if it is just carpel tunnel syndrome from blogging so much this month or if it is just one of my premature heart attacks again. I've been hospitalized a few times for this before. I get doctor's notes but you scoff. That's very uncaring of you.

I know you're thinking it's just "gas" again. Not so quick. I think I have a real weakness in my arms. It is getting hard to lift the drink up to my lips. I am still breathing pretty hard too. You would think the heart rate would slow down by now. You would think it would be easier to swallow.

I don't see why you think that pain in my elbow has something to do with my Gastric reflux disease, or any potential ulcer I may have. My tummy was hurting yesterday and I have had more gas pressure this month than in the last 2 years. I still don't see the connection. But I sit here trying to convince myself that's all it is. I don't have the AIDS. Just guilt over my latent bisexuality.

Maybe the diabetes has given me the shakes and that's why I have all this muscle pain. Maybe it is just the liver finally going out. I can't decide if the red in my eyes is just the chronic sinus infection which has been uncooperative and oblivious to the antibiotics I've been prescribed to treat it. Instead maybe it is jaundice. Muscle pain is a sign that your liver is shot.

Another glass of Coke. Another sweet swallow. Another serving of caffeine. Breathe deep now. Everything is OK. And if it's not you don't have health insurance anyway.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Can I ask you to stop using your vibrator? I think there is something growing something on it.

Bacteria can be a hell of a problem. But if your vibrator has spots on it in the classic shape of an e coli infection. I must plead with you to quit inserting it in your vagina. It can't be healthy for you.

I am not suggesting that you have to replace your toy with any of my attached appendages. Though you probably guessed that last night when I jumped out of my seat shouting "What the fuck is that?" after you placed your foot on my crotch.

It's been a while. I am sorry I lost my head. You know it's been a while since I have encountered the the soothing touch of a female human.

I thought your foot was that little dog of yours that enjoys licking me so much. You know the one you trained by spreading peanut butter on your crotch.

Seriously, that dog likes people too much now. It's sorta creepy. From now on couldn't we just leave the dog locked up when I come over?

Friday, November 24, 2006

Maybe you don't blog drunk. Maybe you're a loser who just stays home surfing the net all day.

Either way you are a fucking geek.
But you are my geek. So don't get all crazy pissed at me. At least somebody loves you and that somebody is me.

I know most of you may take issue with my misogyny. But I can't get through life without getting a little pissed off at someone.

I write a blog I've named for my Misanthropic rantings, so maybe you need to check it out yourself. Have you ever asked why you put up with my shit? I think it has to do with your "Daddy issues." I too wished Daddy hadn't snuck into your bedroom to get all that extra alone time with you. But he did. And worshiping me isn't about to solve that Electra Complex for you.

It's true. Lately I have been going after the vagina. Maybe if you could convince some of your hot friends to have the sex with me it would be OK.

It's not like I ever hit a woman square in the face. I am not a total dick. Though to be honest I am not much of a fighter.

You see I am only 5 foot 8. And for all you chicks out there who stand over 4 feet tall that means I am way too short for you. I read this shit all the time. Every god damn personal ad on Yahoo has chicks under 5 feet wanting a 6 foot tall guy for themselves. Why you gotta be greedy like that? What makes you think a shortie like you is entitled to a tall heaping pile of man meat 6 feet in length?

I have a second message for you gals. I'd like to see you all under 122 pounds. Any chick and I don't care how tall you are. Any chick over 122 pounds is fat. But guess what you'd think if I said that. You'd think I'm an asshole. But you can say short and bald guys suck and it's like no biggy.

Also you all want the guy to have a job. That is just code for "I may not want to work in the future." Which is cool. I hate work too. But just admit it and don't try and hide the fact that you want me to take care of you.

And quit having a double standards about me thinking skinny chicks are hot. They are. The same way tall guys are better looking than short guys. The same way you'd like me to have hair is the same way I'd like you to quit bitching about my drinking and gambling.

Daddy walked out on Mommy because of all that henpecking. Don't fuck up what's between us or the same will happen to you. Then who's gonna help you raise them kids? No one. That's who.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

I can't write for 3 blogs forever. A Romius T. Thanksgiving Message to all you Suckas!

"Why put yourself though it?"

I've pretty much resigned myself to just entertaining the 4 readers that I have. Not to getting much more. I can't even get people who actually hang out with me to read my blog.

It's unfair really.

Like other serial killers and psychopaths I carry around an unquenched and overwhelming desire to be understood. I just want y'all to get to know me. I am alll gushy on the insides, so it's like all warm and stuff if you stick your fingers in. I am protective and snuggleriffic.

I know you guys get it. That's why you're here. Be careful out there though. I am worried about you. You are all so special. Unpredictable. Though I still think your lives are all worth saving. I'll fight for you. None of you guys are colateral damage to me. Even when you don't stick around.

90% of my viewers leave this blog quickly. So quickly on average they leave after only 18 seconds. I don't know how they can ascertain anything so fast. But I guess the human unconscious is a lot faster that I like it to be. First impressions are really something aren't they?

I just wanted to let you guys know that other that a certain cola drink I really don't have any reason to get up in the morning without you.

But with your wind beneath my wings or ...sails... I know I can go far. Like a friend of mine once said "tomorrow I might have enough energy to get drunk and play video games." You don't know what that would mean to me.

A feeling of accomplishment like that.

This post is dedicated to Peanuts and the great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. This post is actually dedicated to breaking down and losing the staring contest with your neighbors dog. It seems dogs really don't have much to do after all. They sorta live for events like this.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Sneaky Robots are gaining on us

Don't look back in the mirror. If you do you may notice just how fast the Robot Uprising is approaching!

I haven't been keeping you up to date on all the horrific things out there, but that is just because it is all too scary and because nobody cares.

And since I want to be famous I normally will keep to posting about things you care about.

Now for the stuff you don't:

The Computer has over taken the human brain as the fastest and largest instrument of computational power. The Psych Pundit explains:

"As you may know, the brain is exquisitely designed to process information. Its array of 100 billion neurons, interconnected in a lattice of 100 trillion synapses (connections), is capable of processing an estimated 100 trillion pieces of information every second. This is an unfathomably large amount of computation."

None of my readers knew that Mr. Fancy Pants Scientist. We only knew that K-Fed had written something very obscene to Ms. Spears on a bathroom wall.

"For the first time in history, the human brain was supplanted as the most powerful computer on earth. That distinction is now held by an IBM supercomputer known as Blue-Gene/L, which clocked in this past October at an astonishing 280 trillion operations per second. It has about three times more processing capacity than the human brain!"

Luckily enough for us all that computational power is not going to waste, but instead is being used to improve our national nuclear missile arsenal.

Over at they have a link that showcases a militarized robot that can choose to kill you or not. And if you think you can defeat Robots with guns, you are dumber than marrying an unemployed backup dancer without a prenuptial agreement. That's because Robots can now heal themselves.

We are all fucked. Not as fucked as K-Fed now that he will have to survive on his own. Because some of us still have skills the robots will desire after the overthrow. Me? I am gonna be a love slave. I have always wanted to be a "house" human.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Free advertising

I know I tell you guys how I am nothing like that Drunken Stepfather guy. I've complained before about his constant berating of his audience in search of new hits for his stat counter. But the guy has a point. And I am not talking that nerdy point about how most of you are just lurkers and never post comments and shit like that.

What I am saying is what have you done for me lately? Nothing. Not a goddamn thing is what.

And I have been amusing you with anecdotes from work for over 2 years now, and keeping you up to date on the Robotic uprising, and the growing threat of Fascism. Let's not even mention all the Britney Spears news I throw at you guys. Or maybe you just found that picture of me on one of my blogs and started masturbating to it. I am sure you have spent plenty of spooge covered hours of fun jerking to that.

And for all that I give have you ever once passed on a link that you thought was funny? Sunday I had 6 unique visitors. That should be impossible for a blogist of my caliber. Even if this blog is down in the dumps at least my other blog Bathos is still kinda funny every once and while.

Linking to me is not enough, unless you are the DrugMonkey. DrugMonkey gives me like 80% of my traffic. But the rest of you slackers aren't bringing me up in the office around the water cooler. You aren't sending junk emails in my name out. You're not scribbling my web address in McDonald's bathrooms. What are you doing? Don't give me any shit about how you have a life, cuz then just why the hell do you keep coming back here?

If the only sales I make when my book comes out are to my 3 friends and my Mom, She is going to be really disappointed that she fronted me the money to self publish.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I am posting this so you won't stop visiting here. You're not gonna stop visting are ya? Good.

When I am not working this blog dries out a bit. It is hard for me to come up with ideas to blog about. Nobody wants to read about how much I masturbate in every new post.

When I get bogged down over at Bathos I rely on Hugo Chavez, celebrity stalking, corporate personhood, justice and ethical theory, and Larry King's mini-wives.

At RomiusTexis I just substitute the work inspired inspired angst and ennui that you have all come to expect, with obsessive reporting on robots, Big Brother, election fraud, general conspiracy theories, and strange news.

Speaking of which I just TIVO'd a documentary on the Human Quadrepeds. As you know I am your #1 source for quadruped info on the net.

I am so gonna have to live blog that recorded broadcast.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Meet Jeramey. Jeramey likes to steal my couch when I live blog for you. Jeramey is an enemy of Democracy.

"Jeremy" is also the enemy of my good sleep. I put Jeremy in quotes because that is the pseudonym my littlest brother uses in the hood. Cuz you really don't want anyone to know your name when you're doing business out there.

I should have also put "sleep" in quotes as a good nights rest on a couch is probably an oxymoron. A reader of mine wanted to be me for just one day. Believe me, one day would be enough.

You're probably thinking that if your life was exactly like the TV show 2 and Half Men your life would be pretty glamorous. I mean everything sounds glamorous when it is on TV. I live with my two brothers just like on TV.

Only I we don't live in a mansion. Neither of my brothers are rich. And the only chicks that stalk us aren't all that hot.

My middle brother is like the Charlie character and I guess that makes me kinda like the nerdy Alan. And that makes an almost 30 year old little brother a fat prepubescent kid.
Only you're not fat, Jeramey.

I told Jeramey that I was gonna write a book and he might be a character in it. He seemed excited at first. Like 60% of the population he believes his life story should be made into a book. But after thinking it over, he quickly became apprehensive.

"Can that Jeramey have all his teeth?"

Of course he can't. Who wants to read about a Jeramey with all his teeth? Pearl Jam did that all to death a while back. Nobody wants to read about a redneck Jeramey who steals his brothers "long" couch when he is out protecting Democracy.

They want to read about the toothless "Jeramey" who invents a second persona for his wacky adventures in the 'hood.

I know Jeramey you'd rather sleep on the floor than sleep on the love seat i.e. the short couch, but that doesn't give you the right to commanderie my lovely long-couch.

Even if it is 2 am and I still haven't moved my ass from the computer to the "bed."

Of course I really don't have to worry about either one of my brothers reading this, as both have told me they can't make it past 2 paragraphs down of any written word. Even if it involves one of them. Even if this is source material for the greatest novel in the world.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Live Bloggin the Election with your host Romius T.

9:41 p.m.

Maybe my near total loss of faith in American Democracy isn't valid. MSNBC is projecting a huge "wave" for the democrats. I thought with all of Karl Rove's "just you see" smirks that he had fixed those Diebold's to go his way.

But then I heard rumors that the DemoCrats had gotten tuff and started in on the election fraud too. Maybe that's what got it for us.

Hardball's Chris Matthews needs to give Governor Dean a break about his position on Iraq. He knows that Dean is against the war. That doesn't mean that we can just "get up and leave."

I know Chris Matthews is spinning that he was always against the War in Iraq, but I know that ain't true.

Matthews should also avoid the word "Tsunami" I find that word to be on par with the "N" word. We're just not allowed to use that word anymore after Katrina. And those Indonesian disasters.


Florida's Governorship is called the Repooplicans. Boo. Christ he's so gay too! Why are all the male politicians in Florida gay?
I've been pumping MSNBC because of their Internet broadcast coverage.
I am eating all my nieces Halloween candy. I mention this because I just turned on CNN and saw how fat Bill Bennet is.
Q. What's the percentage of folks that can delude themselves about a candidate in Virginia?
A. 56% of Virginians think George "Macca" Allen respects minorities.
How come gerrymandering didn't work for the Republicans? All it took was a disaster of a War, lying, sex scandals, etc, etc. for the Dem's to finally pull it off.
All my fellow bloggers don't forget to email me and leave comments I will post . Let's make this interactive. Next time I do something like this I promise to give some advanced warning. My readers are so damn funny I would love to get them all involved.
Rick Perry of Texas was just re-elected. This prevents the possibility of the funniest governor of all time Kinky Friedman.Kinky enjoys giving the middle finger more than Britney ever loved K-fed.
In her acceptance speech, Hillary Clinton looks like a banana wearing a pearl necklace. Funny, the biggest applause line Hillary got was for congratulating Eliot (the next President of the United States) Spitzer for his victory in the New York State Governorship.
Speaking of speeches, the first time I ever liked or had respect for Senator Rick Santorum was his concession speech. Go to the MSNBC video page to watch it. Rick is human? C'mon. Where's the hate man? It's the hate that got you where you are. Fuckin' homos didn't vote for ya, huh?
Heath Shuler the former NFL quarterback wins an election as a democrat. Olbermann's comment was hilarious "he finally completed a pass." He never did that in the NFL. Since I am a Cowboy fan when he played for the team that cannot be mentioned I was always happy to see him suit up.
Democrats win the House! MSNBC calls the election in the House for the good guys! Subpoena power means an investigation into the Downing Street Memo.
Jon Stewart is on.
Fox still has not called it. They have the Dem's at 13 seats.
The Daily show calls the election against Katherine Harris. Ahh. Kathy loses.
Dan Rather makes his first appearance on my TIVO'd edition of the Midtacular. On Hillary's landslide "She Run Away With It Like a Hobo with a Sweet Potato Pie."
I guess this is how you are supposed to LIVE Blog!
I was gonna make a joke about Heath Shuler's carrer stats, but they won't come up on Democrat election trick? You decide!
Senator Allen of Virginia went to bed and won't concede. Concede Senator Allen! Concede! I guess I might as well go to bed then too. Visions of Chris Matthews running through my head. But anything is better than a naked Andrea Mitchell running through it.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Hacking Democracy

The epic HBO documentary "Hacking Democracy" is available in full on Google video.

This is a must see program, if don't have HBO go see it NOW!!!

If you think there might be something to the whole "election fraud" you will know there is something to it after viewing this program.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Buster Poindexter Must Die

I have been avoiding posting about this shit man, because I need some fucking dignity.

You must push play to read the rest of this post. Otherwise you will not be able to share the sheer hell that is my life.

Once you hear it, this song refuses to leave your brain. It simply deposits itself, like a certain human autoimmune disease, right in your gut-where it waits to strike at you when you are at your weakest.

But as my brother likes to say "at some point you begin to ask yourself, not 'if' but... how many flies in your eye are ok?"

"The Shame and Yeast of it all."

It was the only thought that ran through my head, following the explanation by my department manager for our new procedures for selling French Bread.
Well, there was also this:

"I'd rather eat raw the unwashed placenta from Suri Cruise than do this."

We must place a small cd player on the top of a hot rack full of bread, playfully decorated with a Carmen Miranda fruit hat, and blast Poindexter's "hit" while attempting to hock bread to our typically unresponsive customers.

"Some of the stores are even forming conga lines for the hot racks."

Buster Poindexter should die a painful death.
A hot... hot death if you will. I wonder though, maybe Buster doesn't realize his masterpiece of kitsch has been appropriated by corporate miscreants.

Maybe I should get somebody from the recording industry to find out if we are paying royalties.

Perhaps, Buster is much of a victim here as I am. Perhaps. But just in case, Buster, I want you to know, if you gave them your permission, I will hunt you down... you dress wearing clown of a fag.

The Butcher. The Baker. The Candlestick maker. An introduction to a done deal.

I have decided to Interrupt whatever narrative flow this blog may have in order to take advantage of some of Blogger's new advances.

I am going to post the 2 missing posts about my short grocery store career. That way if you click on the grocery store work blog label then you will get all the posts from both of my blogs together.

Sorry to interrupt all the alone time you've had lately with my light posting.

I am working in a bakery at a local grocery store.

My job consists of placing endless rows of toll house cookies on baking sheets and then into a giant oven big enough to bake several Jews.

I am gonna let you in on a little secret. Flies. The Flies. Big juicy southern Florida flies. Big enough to put on the grill.

A brief intro to the cast of characters:

Marci de sade-

Married with 4 kids. Her husband is 'well connected' within the AB. That's the Aryan Brotherhood to you and me. Her father has given her a Walmart card that he pays off. I tease her relentlessly regarding this. She has asked me if "I wanted to go shopping with it."

Key Talents:Cake decorator and perhaps the finest double barreled fly swatter I have ever seen.

Favorite quote:"Ever had an abscessed tooth? I have one."

About J. -

Female co-worker who worked as a penal officer in a maximum security prison.

Her only regret? When she had the chance to kill a prisoner, she only wounded him.

Key talent. Good with a shotgun.

Favorite Quote:"Can anyone do with out 10 dollars until Tuesday?"

About Me-

Secretly rated Mike and the Mechanics "Nobody's Perfect" as a 4 Star song on his Yahoo Radio Player.

Key Talents:

Using both charm and wit, convinces people the purple Pontiac Sunfire he often borrows from his mother doesn't make him gay. Took it upon himself to "once daily" check the cake freezer display and dump all the frozen flies from the cake lids. Has yet to be on time.

M&M-The boss.

Likes-to throw boxes around and yell.

Dislikes-customers who only buy from the discount rack.

Favorite quote:"Ignore me."

Fun Facts about my former job:

No less than 3 dogs along the 4 mile walk route to work must be avoided in order to arrive safely. Two of the dogs are of "Marmadukian proportions."