Friday, November 24, 2006

Maybe you don't blog drunk. Maybe you're a loser who just stays home surfing the net all day.

Either way you are a fucking geek.
But you are my geek. So don't get all crazy pissed at me. At least somebody loves you and that somebody is me.

I know most of you may take issue with my misogyny. But I can't get through life without getting a little pissed off at someone.

I write a blog I've named for my Misanthropic rantings, so maybe you need to check it out yourself. Have you ever asked why you put up with my shit? I think it has to do with your "Daddy issues." I too wished Daddy hadn't snuck into your bedroom to get all that extra alone time with you. But he did. And worshiping me isn't about to solve that Electra Complex for you.

It's true. Lately I have been going after the vagina. Maybe if you could convince some of your hot friends to have the sex with me it would be OK.

It's not like I ever hit a woman square in the face. I am not a total dick. Though to be honest I am not much of a fighter.

You see I am only 5 foot 8. And for all you chicks out there who stand over 4 feet tall that means I am way too short for you. I read this shit all the time. Every god damn personal ad on Yahoo has chicks under 5 feet wanting a 6 foot tall guy for themselves. Why you gotta be greedy like that? What makes you think a shortie like you is entitled to a tall heaping pile of man meat 6 feet in length?

I have a second message for you gals. I'd like to see you all under 122 pounds. Any chick and I don't care how tall you are. Any chick over 122 pounds is fat. But guess what you'd think if I said that. You'd think I'm an asshole. But you can say short and bald guys suck and it's like no biggy.

Also you all want the guy to have a job. That is just code for "I may not want to work in the future." Which is cool. I hate work too. But just admit it and don't try and hide the fact that you want me to take care of you.

And quit having a double standards about me thinking skinny chicks are hot. They are. The same way tall guys are better looking than short guys. The same way you'd like me to have hair is the same way I'd like you to quit bitching about my drinking and gambling.

Daddy walked out on Mommy because of all that henpecking. Don't fuck up what's between us or the same will happen to you. Then who's gonna help you raise them kids? No one. That's who.


Knows It All said...

What you appear to need my friend is a VERY TALL dominatrix to shut your b8tch ass up. But Im just another fat short-stack. The only reason I need a man to have a job is so he isn't in my space all damn day, pouting and grumbling. I take care of mine. ;)

Romius T. said...

I employ 672 mini loatian doninatrixes I rent from larry king.

They seem unable to do the job, but it sounds asif perhaps you are capable of it.

Jezebelsriot said...

You are such an asshole, but I chuckled a few times so your misogyny is excused. I'm way fat. I'm not just way fat on the outside, but I'm a fat girl on the inside waiting to explode in an orgasmic ecstacy of Krispy Kreme donut filling. I'm like one serious Imo's Pizza binge from not fitting through my doorway. It could happen at any moment.

5'8 isn't so bad. I dated a guy 5'5 (with his boots on) once and I'm 5'9. We looked ridiculous together, like midgets on Jerry Springer screwing real chicks. There was just no way around it.

Wear a hat. Chicks dig hats.

Romius T. said...

How'd you know I had a hat?