Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I might be "sick," but Halloween brings out the Slut Angel in all of you.

I'm sick, but not in the way you assume. I mean it's obvious I am a deviant. What may not be apparent to you is that my job has given me a cough. The cough has caused my voice to crack like I am 13 again. My nasal passages have been draining and tickling my throat. So I heave, spastic and uncontrollably on occasion, spewing forth wads of spittle into customers change and receipts. It's my little revenge on all of them. Little clusters of boogers are blocking oxygen from getting into my brain. I'm not all there today. But Happy Halloween to ya.

Nobody told me that I could dress up for Halloween at work today. I never dress up for Halloween. If asked why not I tell people my costume is an "ass-grabbin' serial killer," because "they look just like you and me."

I am not the only non Halloween celebrator at work. Good-girl Christian doesn't celebrate the "Devil Day" either. And even though she is unmarried and single at 34 she hasn't given up hope of finding her soul mate. "A vegetarian-christian." I may have to introduce her to Christian Cuddle parties. (thanks Katie!)

So much for the unslutty. Several girls I work with followed the latest trend in costumes for Halloween, the "sexy-whatever" costume, and by girls I mean busted up, worn out 45 year old women. Women who should never wear slutty maid outfits or slutty catholic school girl outfits. Ever. I just got a peak into the sexual fantasy life of a number of co-workers, people I had assumed would never entertain the idea of sex. I think we can all agree that ugly people should keep the sexual longings to themselves, or at least confione them to their basements where they belong.

Newsweek Magazine, the blog ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, the TV show RedEye -(the best TV show on Earth)- have all talked about the slutty costume phenomenon as well. Apparently pre-teens can now find examples of the same slutty costumes all you older women wear.
The irony is too apparent here. As a society we over-sensationalize concerns we have for sexual offenders. I can't live within 5 miles of a school or church, but you lousy parents can blow 40 bucks on a slutty nurse outfit for your 9 year old.

Why is this costume available only online?

Monday, October 29, 2007

Please Stop Using Western Union.

Yesterday I had to place at least 15 western Unions in a six hour shift.
I had to call customer service 5 times because you can't figure out who you are sending money to. Western Union's take forever to process and your requests back up my line. Then all the people waiting for lotto tickets get pissed off at me. They get pissed off even more when I tell them the lotto is almost as big a waste of money as a money transfer from Western Union.

Seriously, I can't understand why anyone would pay 14 dollars to send 40 bucks to their cousin in Idaho. It's a waste a money. Why won't poor people just get a god damn bank account? There hasn't been a bank scare in 70 years. Who needs 40 dollars in three minutes? Just send money the way your grandma did. 12 dollars in the middle of a birthday card. Happy 12th birthday, Timmy. Inflation adjusted at a dollar a year.

Anyways, Western Union is as sketchy as it comes. All day I just send thousands of dollars to terrorists in Saudi Arabia and watch helplessly as a bunch of dupes and idiots lose thier cash to Nigerian 419 scams.

"Do you have family in Nigeria?"


Oh. Christ. Then can I ask why in hell you are sending 400 dollars to the "Governor of Nigeria?"

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Watch THE SKY, Dragon Flies Stalk Us.


Have you noticed that Tom Selleck is parked outside your house? It may not be because he's learned you have a fetish for facial hair. It may be that you are under surveillance from the new Dragon Fly robots, tiny remote spy devices developed by Homeland Security, and used to gather information on peacenicks and the evil doers, at least that is according to the Washington Post.

Quest was punished for not spying on you!

The Rocky Mountain News reports that: "The National Security Agency and other government agencies retaliated against Qwest because the Denver telco refused to go along with a phone spying program..."


ComputerWorld is almost as disappointed as I am.

"Privacy lovers who thought the Democrats would put an end to the controversial NSA wiretapping and Internet-tapping program should feel let down today. The Democrats are lining up to let the NSA continue to wiretap and read mail without court approval.
The New York Times reports that Democratic proposals "would maintain for several years the type of broad, blanket authority for NSA eavesdropping that the administration secured in August for six months."

Not only that, but one of the Democrat's proposals would give telecom companies retroactive immunity from prosecution for participating in the program. Telecom companies are being sued by privacy groups for turning over private data. If some Democrats have their way, the telecoms would be off the hook. "