Wednesday, October 31, 2007

I might be "sick," but Halloween brings out the Slut Angel in all of you.

I'm sick, but not in the way you assume. I mean it's obvious I am a deviant. What may not be apparent to you is that my job has given me a cough. The cough has caused my voice to crack like I am 13 again. My nasal passages have been draining and tickling my throat. So I heave, spastic and uncontrollably on occasion, spewing forth wads of spittle into customers change and receipts. It's my little revenge on all of them. Little clusters of boogers are blocking oxygen from getting into my brain. I'm not all there today. But Happy Halloween to ya.

Nobody told me that I could dress up for Halloween at work today. I never dress up for Halloween. If asked why not I tell people my costume is an "ass-grabbin' serial killer," because "they look just like you and me."

I am not the only non Halloween celebrator at work. Good-girl Christian doesn't celebrate the "Devil Day" either. And even though she is unmarried and single at 34 she hasn't given up hope of finding her soul mate. "A vegetarian-christian." I may have to introduce her to Christian Cuddle parties. (thanks Katie!)

So much for the unslutty. Several girls I work with followed the latest trend in costumes for Halloween, the "sexy-whatever" costume, and by girls I mean busted up, worn out 45 year old women. Women who should never wear slutty maid outfits or slutty catholic school girl outfits. Ever. I just got a peak into the sexual fantasy life of a number of co-workers, people I had assumed would never entertain the idea of sex. I think we can all agree that ugly people should keep the sexual longings to themselves, or at least confione them to their basements where they belong.

Newsweek Magazine, the blog ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL, the TV show RedEye -(the best TV show on Earth)- have all talked about the slutty costume phenomenon as well. Apparently pre-teens can now find examples of the same slutty costumes all you older women wear.
The irony is too apparent here. As a society we over-sensationalize concerns we have for sexual offenders. I can't live within 5 miles of a school or church, but you lousy parents can blow 40 bucks on a slutty nurse outfit for your 9 year old.

Why is this costume available only online?


Augustine said...

Oh yes I am sure every parents hopes their slutty looking child will get kidnapped and sold on the slave market trade so you can get an eye full while peeking outside your window.

Romius T. said...

Me and my pal Jerry Sandusky sure hope so.