Thursday, May 17, 2007

I discover the Wind hates me, That homeless don't always kill for their lunch and it's not nice to make fun of starving people.

It's hot and I am riding my bike to the library. The wind is blowing against me. Each time I change direction the wind does too. The wind hates me. The wind wants to make sure I must ride into it.

Outside the library 3 park rangers are talking to a fit blonde woman. She must like men in uniforms. Apparently any man in any uniform. Because chatting up park rangers "guarding" the library seems bottom barrel if you ask me. She'd have better luck sitting at home waiting for the UPS guy to deliver her "the package."

It's hot. Even resting in the cool library homeless people look exhausted by the heat. I guess that's why homeless people think they can bring in their kittens inside to the computer center. I can hear the muffled cries of a cat hidden in the knapsack of a homeless man right now. He plunges his fist into the backpack to try and quiet it. I think he has kitty food in his hand, or maybe he is just petting it. Trying to calm it down. I hope he is not strangling the things neck. I don't need to be a witness to crime like that.

No one around me is reacting at all to any of this. They just type away. They all pretend they can't hear the kitten cry. Isn't someone pissed that a homeless guy has brought a kitten into the library? I am pretty sure that the library has a no pets policy in place.

I wonder if the homeless guy ever gets hungry enough to eat the kittens he stuffs in his knapsack. I am not prejudiced against the homeless. It's a fact that many in the homeless community have poor diets and don't get enough to eat. Plus I hear Scientologists cook a good puppy.

Speaking of starving people, I feel like I need to defend Eric Shaeffer. Normally I obsess over female B-level stars. Today I give my female readership a shout out. Today I will obsess over a man. I can't believe some people are making fun of one of my favorite writer/actor/TV stars.

Eric Schaeffer, star of the amazingly funny show "Starved" is getting hammered over at Gawker. If you never caught "Starved" it was one of the funniest sitcoms ever produced for a National audience. Crude. Vile even. But honest. If you don't appreciate his comedy style you may get pissed at him for wanting to have babies with his girlfriend.

Salon says this about him:

"But after 15 years of directing and starring in largely ignored and tepidly received films, Schaeffer has struck a chord in New York City and online, just by being ... Eric Schaeffer, a 45-year-old binge-eating, downward-dogging, recovering drug-addict hypochondriac with an online dating habit, a taste for happy-ending massages and golden showers -- and a hankerin' for a wife who wants to bear him three children starting in about five to six years."

It was this blog entry that is supposed to piss you off:

"It's nothing personal. I LOVE everything about women as they get older. Women over 45 are divine. They've dropped all their shit and really sink into their bodies and beings but.... BUT unfortunately, babies are done.

Therefore, 36 is my cut off. Maybe 37ish but I simply know deep in my soul that I want my own children at least first before I think about adopting and I don't want them for at least 5 years.

I don't get mad when women like black guys, or young guys or buff guys, it's their preference. God bless them. STOP GETTING MAD AT ME AND THE REST OF US 45 YEAR OLD MEN WHOSE CUT OFF IS 36 OKAY?!!! FOR WHATEVER REASON, YOU DECIDED NOT TO HAVE KIDS YET AND THAT'S FINE, BUT WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THEM YET, OKAY?! WE LOVE YOU BUT IT'S AN ISSUE!!!"

I've mentioned this kind of thing before. A guy can be called a douche bag if he prefers younger women. Nothing ever gets said when about the prejudice of female preferences for money, hair and height. The female reporters at Salon and Gawker can and do make fun of his baldness and height (like me Eric is a whopping 5 foot 8.)

I mean it is one thing to call a guy a slimebag.

"i also know how much time he spends surfing the web, probably reading each and every blurb about himself as he masturbates at 2 am while eating non-dairy chocolate. and hating himself for it."

It's another to call him a rapist.

I thought that's what we had Kobie Bryant for. Hey Eric if you happen on to this post, do me a favor, don't jack off to me. I mean unless I am totally hott or something. Maybe you can get to know me first. Let's do lunch.


Malnurtured Snay said...

My only question is "who the fuck is Erik Shaeffer?"

Romius T. said...


He was on maybe the funniest tv series of all time. Lasted only 7 episodes and ran on FX.

I've linked his blog now and added a utube of the show (only clip I could find.)

Very funny guy.

Jezebelsriot said...

I don't know who he is either, but I support his right to want younger women. Of course, I'm a cougar in the making so I may be biased.

Romius T. said...

indeed you are young cougaress. But you are still young enough for me!