Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I think it is safe to assume that all the pink haired shoppers in my store are ex strippers who ass rape potential threesome partners

And some people think this blog is pg-12 or kid friendly. All I know is that this blog is getting too confessional. I really don't think you need to know as much about my life as I tell you. I only talk so much about my real life because it is so much easier to write what you know than what you don't. Like I know that one of my regular customers is a stripper now and that confirms for me everything I need to know about strippers. They are real people who buy groceries and they wear clothes when they go outside.

You don't see too many strippers with pink hair. Men don't like pink hair. I have no idea why women dye their hair pink, other than as a sign to other lesbians that they too hate penis which I guess you can't blame them for since penis is the cause of most of the problems in this world.

The new assistant front end manager (there's a title for you) used to roommate with the stripper. I asked the new assistant if she would "please pretty please" set me up on a date with her. My manager suggested to me that it would be a bad idea. She said that the stripper and the stripper's boy friend used to have a lot of threesomes that involved roofies because I guess it is just too much effort to ask for permission to fuck someone when you look good naked.

I wonder if I am committing a crime by not turning that information over to the police? The new manager is full of surprises. I was on a mission the past few days to discover what her job was before she worked in the grocery business. She used to work in a porn shop. I find that shocking of course because I am built a little more delicate than some of you. Like I think drugging people and sodomizing them is tantamount to rape. But I still want my manager to hook me up with the stripper because I want to date an exciting girl, not the mousy fat girl with gray gym shorts covered in vegetable grease and raspberry filling that you all think I should be dating.

I guess I could tell you about my exciting night with the ex g/f. But maybe later. Stay tuned for an update.


Stephanie said...

This blog may not be PG-13 but you can't dispute the fact that you lay down a moral or two on here. Besides, my son is 13 and there is a definite gray area happening when it comes to censorship in my home lately. He is completely cognizant of what you discuss and has a great bullshit detector. As far as your recent confessional style I find it quite refreshing. And nobody should be relegated to greasy gym shorts.

nameless. said...

What's wrong with pink haired strippers?


I dyed my hair red last summer, which faded into pink.. and then I bleached it, then dyed it purple.

But I'm not sending any messages to any lesbians. Not that I know of, anyway.