Thursday, August 21, 2008

A green monster lives in my chest. The coughing started today.

I like a nice pea green snot in the morning. I am coughing and I am coughing. It hurts my chest, but at least that means I won't be sick much longer. I blew my nose a total of 233 times over the last 3 days. Thank goodness for lotion based tissues.

I pulled out in front of some girl today on the way home from work and she flipped me off. She did not slow down even though she saw me coming from a far enough distance, she had more than enough time to let me in and do my maneuvering into the next lane. Instead she and her friend chose to give me the one finger salute and then gunned the engine in hopes that their jalopy with no air conditioning would hit my big fancy truck and they would end up with a big settlement.

Boy are they wrong. I spend a good 40% of my income on my truck and that just shows you that I got a bit o' the ghetto in me. I barely make the insurance payments on the minimum coverage insurance policy that I have, and I can't afford the 40 dollars to respond to all the lawsuits that my creditors file against me. These girls weren't gonna get a goddamn thing but a kick in the ass if they hit my truck. I thought about chasing them down and poking one of them in the head or kicking them in the neck (that is the new ghetto beat down saying according to Tami from work and she would know she is black) but I was worried that there would be witnesses.

I would have loved to have fought them though, and taught them a lesson. People need to be more careful. We live in a civilized world, but some of us aren't so civil, some us are serial killers in training. I think these chicks though since they outnumbered me they could take me in fight. Women seriously underestimate the punching power men pack over women. If you doubt me get on top of your husband; with all your force and try and hold down his arms. Even with the help of gravity and your considerable weight advantage he will likely pick you up without much effort.

I would have crushed those girls and given them bloody noses and bitten them. Girls fight dirty and I would have gone for a knock down on the first one and then really worked over the driver. They were both little hippie dirty girls. I am sure they don't shave their pits. I am sure I take more showers than they do. I wanted them to taste gravel.

I guess I was a bit pissed off is what I am saying. I might have been a discourteous driver but they attempted to put my life in danger. If you risk someone's life you should expect payback.

***

I got called into work early today. I went because I can't sleep and therefor was awake at 8am to take the call. I went to work and got 2 extra bucks (TM) for showing up early. I am sick and go in early for a gal that call's in sick. I am such a trooper. I get rewarded for my hard work by making $9.30 for that shift. I guess hard work pays off. Oh, I guess not. Only smart working pays off and if anything agreeing to come in early to work for a sick co-worker when you are sick yourself is probably stupid and stupid pays under 10 dollars and hour so I guess I get what I deserve which just goes to prove there is a god and she hates me.

4 comments:

lucky charms said...

hahah I like how you would've bitten them. That's pretty classic.

and DAMNIT, 3 years ago, I told my friend that I'd punch a girl in the neck cause her face was already ugly and if you get 'em in the neck, they can't breathe for a while. I thought I was being original.

Maybe I'm just more gangsta than I give myself credit for.

Stephanie said...

Props for referring to god as a woman. Whether you believe or not you should definitely be getting laid more often. Women appreciate that. Also, I have felt that way whilst driving. Have you noticed that people don't use their turn signals anymore? Like they just WANT you to hit them. Scary. Speaking of ghetto, I think your new co-worker used to live next store to me. Tami? Did she work at another store by the same name? If it's her I've got tales to tell my friend. Ghetto tales.....

Stephanie said...

I must retract the Tami portion of my comment as it really IS her and I care for her and have no desire to share tales ghetto or otherwise. Besides she has officially moved to the better side of the tracks.

Romius T. said...

tami has definitely moved on the good side of the tracks. I hope she shares with me all of her tales from the ghetto.