Monday, August 11, 2008

I almost get famous but as usual something gets in the way and that thing is fate or what you call god

So I guess it is no wonder why I hate god. I nearly got famous after leaving a fab comment on my favorite blog, The Drunken Stepfather. Jesus Martinez, the creator and writer of the blog, posted a comment I wrote as an actual blog entry on his website. A website that gets featured in magazines and mentioned on TV. A website that gets hits in the millions a month. On the other hand, my website is down to 3 readers and 12 hits from searches for polish porn.

I was really hoping I was going to get famous after Jesus blogged about me, but Jesus forgot to link to this blog so it looks like I won't be benefiting from all the traffic he has and all the money he just earned from tapping my comedic comments. I'm sure Jesus meant to link to this blog but he probably just forgot or never got around to it because he is way too busy looking at all the porn people send him or wiping down the crevices of his wife's blubber which I hear is an all day job.

I am getting tired of people hating me and credit card companies wanting to sue me. I am getting evicted from my house and I am thinking I will just live in a tent on Mill Avenue and I hope you guys stop by and buy one of my poems for a dollar so that I can afford to get some beer because being homeless is gay and being gay is depressing so I think we all know what is in store for me there.

I try and figure out all the time why this blog is not as popular as the Drunken Stepfather. I assume it has something to do with the fact that I don't post as often as he does, I don't link share, and I don't have as many naked pictures on my site as he does. I have been meaning to ask Jesus why it is that I can't get famous but I have always been to lazy. He finally posted a blog entry where he discusses why other people are too late in the game and no one will ever get as famous as he is for what he does.

I posted the comment to that blog entry where Jesus tells us how difficult it is (even for him) to make money on the Internet with a website that shows gossip pictures and makes drunken comments about step daughters. He wrote:

"Today 4 different people told me they want to start a site like this and want my advice as to how to start a site like this and my advice is don’t start a site like this. The reason is not because I don’t want more competition, because I really don’t care about competition because being competitive is too jock for me and jocks fuck each other up the ass in the locker room.

The reason is because everyone thinks they have the capacity to run one of these pieces of shits and thinks that their opinion is better than mine or the next guys and that they could pump this shit out in about an hour a day and make the same as working a 9-5 job, but they don’t realize that they are about 3 years too late and 1000 sites are doing the exact same fucking thing as they want to do and post pretty much the same fuckin’ content as they want to and Say the same thing you have to say."

He says he gets like 5 of those questions a day and was sick of answering the question about how to make a website as cool as his. After I wrote my comment he must have read it because he then writes another blog entry where he discusses my comment.

He writes:

"I am not dead yet, I just feel like I am. I am sure if I keep the site I will be because when I read comments like this I feel like that person will shoot me one day...."

Then he goes on to post my comment:

I have been meaning to ask you this question for some time and I was way too lazy to ask. I am so glad that some other losers got to you and now I have your answer. If it helps I was writing 5 years ago and I still never made it big and when I discovered your website I thought I found a soul mate but then I posted about my love of jail bait girls on your forum and got banned so now I am reduced to messaging you on the comments which is ironic because you claim to be angry about how nobody reads your site but you ignore all the comments you have gotten from me over the years but what do I care my Internet g/f broke up with me a few months ago so now all I have this ….

Everyone on his website thinks I am a stalker but I don't see that. I see myself as a business person interested in learning about the craft of blogging. I see myself as a bit persecuted because I just write the same lame jokes Jesus does only I don't get anywhere near the traffic and when ever any of the Drunken Stepfather's fans find my blog they get all offended by what I write even though half the time what I am writing is tame by comparison. Jesus loves jail bait more than I do. I watch Nickelodeon but I won't marry some 40 year old just so I can watch her daughter step out of the shower and and "accidentally" drop her towel. I have years of memories stored up from my stepsister for that.

And anyway just because you like something that doesn't mean that you don't know it's wrong. I was gonna say wrong and unnatural but when you think about it for the first million years or so most people were dead before they were 30 so that means they were having kids at 15 so loving on a teenager must be the most natural thing a person can do. I just want you to know that I understand it will get me in jail and I am not comfortable with enclosed spaces. I think they give me nose bleeds.


DCup said...

Wait - blogging is a craft? We can get famous doing this?

I need to rethink this.

still nameless. said...

I have a knack for picking out things that become viral.. All those annoying indie bands you hear all over the radio now -- I used to listen to them years ago.. so me liking your blog bodes well.

I'm going to predict that you'll be famous in two years, which is the usual time it takes before someone I find on youtube or myspace to get signed and on the radio..

I don't like "yellow fever" just because I think I've been capitalizing on the whole Asian thing too much lately. I'm not even all that Asian to begin with.. I'm a mutt (Portuguese & Spain-spanish), and a whitewashed one at that.

Romius T. said...

d-cup you are almost famous so don't rub it in.


We do need to wrk on a name and I agree we need to pull back from all the asian stuff! I will try and hold the faith for two more yers but when I dont get famous I may have to start shooting people.

lucky charms said...

I forgot to mention that I used to email Britney Spears (and she emailed me back, too) before she was famous.

I'm telling you... I could be your good luck charm.

That seems like a good alias.

lucky charms said...

Of course that means that once your 15 minutes of fame are over, you may end up pregnant and in rehab. like Britney.. just a warning.