Thursday, January 01, 2009

Welcome to 2009. Same old thing as 2008.

{Subtitled A Slacker's Bill Of Rights}

Welcome to the first post of 2009 which means that one more year has gone by and that means one more year I never accomplished anything. I can only hope when they write my obituary or biography they are kind to me during this stage in my life. Maybe they could say something like "I was keeping it real," or "gaining valuable life experience." Of course you and I know better than that, but the people reading about my ass in 300 years won't.

It's a new year and that means it is a time for reflection and a time for evaluation. I askew that kind of shit, because it is plainly obvious to anyone that I am not successful and whatever game plan or big idea I have needs to be reevaluated, because it sure as shit is not working. Of course I don't really plan on doing much different this year. I know what you want to say to that, "the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Other than the fact that that statement is patently false (I think it only means you are stubborn) that statement makes me want to shit in your face.

I have a theory about slackers.

I have a theory about the world. How none of our actions are consequential, but you already knew that, or you wouldn't live in the suburbs and drive an S.U.V. Which just proves my point that you are an idiot who hates his life, but for some reason you are too much of a coward to face it. Unlike me. The one thing I have going for me is that I am a realist who is not afraid to look 'reality' square in the jaw. No matter how much it hurts.

Like when I look in the mirror and it tells me that I have lost more hair in the past 2 months that in the past 3 years. I know that sucks, but frankly I am almost 40 and the fact that I held on to some of my hair for as long as I did is really something I ought to be thankful for instead of bemoaning what a shit draw of the luck jar I got when I was born into a family full of men over 6 feet tall but some how I still managed only to get to 5 foot 8. My uncles lost hair too of course, but they get the advantage of being 6 feet tall. I get no advantages. I only got to lose my hair, and see how that looks when it gets paired with the chubby gene and some major league shortness. But of course I am a tad witty. So I guess that makes up for it, huh?

Not really. I'd complain, but the fact is you are not interested in me complaining, you have you own complaints, which are even less important than mine, but somehow you manage to think they aren't, because as always you've convinced yourselves that you are responsible for all the good things in your lives, but for none of the bad. You think I hate you for that, but you are wrong. You think I am resentful for your productivity, but you are wrong about that too. I hate you because you think I am responsible for all the bad things that happen in my life and you can't accept that I am happy not caring about the stuff you value. Why would you guess the first thing? You think I give a shit about your lives?

The truth is nobody really "makes" their lives but we all have to take responsibility for them and in the end we are the only ones who really ever suffer for our actions. Don't blame the slacker if you are shouldering too much of the blame for his life. Take some fucking responsibility for yourself. The truth is you only see the negative aspects to my lifestyle (life choices if you want to get all Sociological) but the fact of the matter is that my life beats most of yours.

I know. I know. I can't buy a house or get laid or even rent a Jet Ski. But those kind of things don't matter. How many times are you going to go Sea Doing in your life? Six? Seven? So the fuck what. I don't give a shit. Just like I don't give a shit if I die of some disease when I am 56 instead of 72. Those in between years suck. As far as I am concerned I may as already be dead. I mean I can't even get the idea to stick around at a party full of a bunch of 20 year olds getting drunk on New Year's Eve. Instead I am sitting here blogging a long ass blog post that nobody will read and even fewer will understand. I guess what I am saying is that if the only thing you can point out about my life that you think is an advantage to me is the the fact that I don't have to take responsibility for any of my actions, then you are fucking idiot. I guess I could point out some of my advantages, some of the disadvantages, and then just let you do the math. But then I would have to carry the 1 for you as well. I guess I just don't feel like it, man.

Maybe I could give you a hint. It is all about non-conformity man. Maybe. Well. One small part is.

Don't go all shit knockers on me either and call me a hipster. I would seriously have to fuck your little sister over that shit.

We may not agree on much friend, but that's cool. Just stop getting all high and mighty. Stop telling me stuff I already know. Let me tell you my friend, I have free-time, FREE TIME.

I know I can't do anything with my free time. But shit, man. When has human kind ever done anything with their free time? That is whenever they have been lucky enough to get any.

I value my FREE TIME. I need my FREE TIME.

Maybe you don't. Kool rockets dude. I say great for you. But I need my free time. Understand? Comprende?

When you have FREE TIME like me it seems like everybody wants to invade it. "Hey man, you got free time. Give me some! I only got a little. I need some of yours!"

Fuck that, Homey. I got my FREE TIME. But (as you always remind me) it has cost me greatly. Dearly. I won't give it away. Not for nothing. You see dipshit, I have to horde my free time, because that is the pay off for me. That is the pay off for being a slacker. I sit in my FREE TIME. I do my bullshit. FREE TIME is a vacation for you. FREE TIME is my life style and you vacationing asshats are invading my lifestyle choice. I get FREE TIME. You don't. That was your fucking choice, so don't go resenting me for it. I get to USE my FREE TIME as I see FIT. And that means I may waste my time. It may mean that I am going to abandon you. But it won't be FREE TIME if I have to baby sit your ass. If I have use my FREE TIME like it is a vacation. I can't schedule FREE TIME, baby. FREE TIME has to be FREE, baby.


I know you are sick of me telling you that I am lazy. That I don't care about shit. Lazy is just my way of saying that I don't value shit. I don't value a HEMI engine or your fancy associates degree from community college. I mean, I am glad you got your 2 year degree, and I am glad that you make more money than me, because the average retard* makes more money than me.

* There was a study.

What you need to understand (to understand me) is that I only value a couple of things in life. Those things vary from day to day (and between slacker and slacker.) But the truth is harsh and the facts are real and they are that I really don't give a shit about some things that (objectively) may be important and which you are certain I need to value. I don't. I would be happy in a motel room, if I had my i-pod and a hot plate.

There is a lot more STUPID in the world than that. We got a shit load of people dying and we got a shit load of misery. Myself. I would like to see and end to all that misery, but if life teaches you one's that MISERY is one big bad motherfucka and MISERY ain't going nowhere, brother. NOWHERE.

You can only fix a few things in life and all those things are small. So small that it won't matter much. The wolves are always hungry. The sheep are always slow and stupid. They will always get eaten. And if you have your big screen high definition tuned into that frequency all you will ever see is the MISERY.

I can't turn that shit off. I can't escape the WATTAGE that MISERY gives off. I get it HIGH BEAMED to me ALL FUCKING DAY, dude. And after a while that shit will wear you down. Make your frown and get inside your brain. Maybe you will say that my brain is rotten then. I am just telling you what I know. I know MISERY. Even if I don't experience it fist hand. I feel it, dude.

Maybe I am too sensitive for you. Maybe I am not sensitive enough. Maybe you feel (Unlike Kant) that you can get an Ought from an "is."

Don't argue MORALITY with me, dude.

Morality is a losing cause for you.

Morality is just some reasoned guys way of saying that he finds your behavior or your attitude "disgusting." It is pure animal instinct, baby. The more you read about MORALITY man the more you "ought" to know better. Tell me how you feel, baby. Tell me all you want. I might care. Who knows. Just don't go telling me your stupid feelings of disgust are UNIVERSAL. Don't go telling me what is RIGHT and don't go telling me what is WRONG.


Beloved Parrot said...

Who are you trying to convince, sweetie?

Romius T. said...

anyone who would listen to my bullshit....