Thursday, December 11, 2008

I've been too busy for you

I am not dead. Just in case you thought I was. I am not. I am just tired. Tired of you and all your demands on my free time. No wonder I never get any pussy. I am always chasing the "proverbial" internet pussy that is my readership, thus denying myself a life in the world not connected by an Ethernet cable.

I have the weekend off, and normally that would mean a lot blogging and TV watching and stuff. Instead I am getting ready for a wedding. This whole week has been dedicated to my friend's wedding, even though I am not the one getting married, and I am not a chick, so I am not excited about watching my buddy get hitched.

I don't get excited about much. Maybe I get excited when I use my voice recorder to capture the speaking voice of one of the girls I stalk. I add the audio to the pictures I take of my victims. I blow up the pictures on to a cardboard cut so out I don't feel so lonely. Sure all cut out's say is the random stuff I catch them saying on the street, and sure there is always background noise going on, but I bet they are working on noise reduction technology for stalkers, so that I can have the stilted one way conversations that people like me assume people like you have with your loved ones.

"Did you like dinner?"

And the cardboard cut out replies....

"Do you have change for the parking meter?"

When you think about it- that conversation is not so far off from most of the non sequitars that you and your spouse have, because you stopped listening to each other years ago. Just like most of you have stopped reading this blog, just because I took a mental vacation away from this blog that lasted months longer than the physical absence of words you have noticed the last few days.

I don't know if this post will be enough for you to get by. I can only hope so. I have too much to do this weekend to comfort you, and I have no time to read about you on About how you killed yourself because your favorite blogger stopped blogging for 4 days, and you can't take dealing with the real world. You need this blog because you are saving up all the information you learn about me to add to the wikipedia entry you started about me in your journal. Just because no one will ever read it, doesn't mean it shouldn't be accurate.


*inside joke.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I always knew I was a pussy.

David Loeff said...

Thank goodness you finally blogged. I was on the verge of killing myself. At any rate you might get lucky at the wedding. I’ve known stalkers who get some of their best pictures and audio clips at weddings.

Romius T. said...

Im sorry to be the one to tell you monkey boy, but you had to know one way or another.

I'm glad you did not kill yourself dave, that would take me to single digits in the number of followers I have.