Thursday, December 04, 2008

I have the day off which means I live blog because nothing is more exciting than a shut in typing in his underwear

The time is 8:15 in the morning.

I've decided that I like blogging in the morning better than I like blogging at night. When I was without the internet a few weeks ago I got used to getting up early and heading off to the public library to type for you. I guess it is just easier to focus when you are awake rather than grinding something out when you are tired from working all day.

My morning work ethic would be good news to my wife. She would get up and go to work. I'd make her a bagel and cut some apples and lace them with crunchy peanut butter. When she left I would turn on the computer until it was time to get the kids up for school. The kids would eat Count Chocula and I would tell their mom how I made them tofu sausage and fake eggs with soy powdered milk. Mom would love how the kids are growing up vegan and she could hold out hope that our macrobiotic diet would calm my aching bowels and drippy anus.

It never would because I'd sneak off to Taco Bell for lunch bringing my laptop and snapping another 5 pages off my screenplay about the man eating space lizards. I'd tell her there was some interest over at the Sci-Fi Channel and give her all the scoop about the channels made for TV movie of the week thing they do over there. She'd be impressed that I put so much thought into what I was doing all the while I was just reading sci-fi blogs on the internet in between flirting online in chat rooms and masturbating to YouTube girls that shake their ass.

The reason I am up so early is that I am waiting on my landlord to come over and fix my leaky sink. Water is slowly dripping downstairs in to the apartment below. They might not notice it now. No one has come upstairs banging on my door to demand that I shut off the water flow. But in a few months or years they will notice a yellow stain in their ceiling and not realize what that mark is. Maybe they will just decide to paint over the foul looking stain and not investigate the moldy colony of one celled animals invading their territory. I hope so, because the last thing I need is another lawsuit on my hands.


The time is 8:34 in the morning.

Did you notice that I changed the fonts on the past couple of posts? If you did Kudos, sir.

The time is 12:50 in the afternoon. I check my stats online. I notice one reader wonders if I have a girlfriend.

I picked up my paycheck. I forgot this week I would be paid for a holiday, so I have got all kinds of extra cash. So I am feeling rich as hell. Of course all that extra cash is going to pay for the bachelor party this weekend.

I went to the bank and I got a haircut. I still need to buy a used spare tire. I got a call from one of the cereal girls. She is upset with me that I don't check in with her about my where abouts or my availability. She had no idea that I had a lot of running around to do today and I can't stay at home and read to her stuff I find off the internet just because her internet at work is broken. But I do love to read to people. I bet she never knew that.


You can be my girlfriend. You don't have to look up the key words "romius t & girlfriend" on my blog, because I will tell you that I don't have a girlfriend. I have not been laid in over two years if you don't count those Asian whores I pay for. I never count prostitutes and only loser guys count prostitutes when they add up their "numbers."

I can't get laid because I can't lose weight even though I have not been drinking soda and I am eating healthier. I limit my intake of fast food to 2 or three times a week max (except special occasions like being hungover.)

Don't worry if you are ugly as most of the women I have dated over the years have not been considered attractive. If you ugly we will just stay inside and you can learn the delights of my taint. I hear it is smelly so we can take a shower first if you want, but if you are lazy like me then we can just smooth some chocolate sauce down there.

I get a lot of people who find me with weird searches. I will list the most common searches to find me:
  • two vaginas
  • Lindy Slinger (by the way I hear she is still hot!)
  • why bad things happen to me

That's about all the key words I have this week. I think I am going to get something to eat. Maybe Whataburger. Maybe something healthy. If I knew healthy food that tasted good. The only good healthy food I know about is the Pita Jungle. Awesome food, but it costs like 10 dollars to go there. I can get Whataburger twice for that amount. Stay tuned for my exciting return.

The time is 5:26 in the afternoon.

Whataburger was ok. I should have gone to get a torta from some place on 7th avenue that I read about in the newspaper I found at Whataburger.

I will list for you all the movies I have watched on Netflix since I renewed my service.

Rating system is based on 5 stars.

***** Masterpiece

**** Awesome

*** good (worth your time)

**1/2 average (only watch if you like these kind of movies)

** ok (obviously uou do not have cable if you are watching this)

* awful (not even awesomely bad. Just bad. Boring.

no stars = paris hilton in starring role. I kid, Paris. You can act!

Sex and the City: The movie [***] Go look for my review on this blog if you care to.

Hell Boy II The Golden Army. [*** 1/2] Not bad. Awesome specials effects. I'd like to see the director make the definitve Dungeons & Dragons movie.

Handcock [***] This movie made no sense. But I liked that about this movie.

Baby Mama [***] Sweet. Not as funny as mean girls.

You rated this movie: 3.0
Puccini for Beginners
You rated this movie: 3.0

Uncounted: New Math of American Elections
You rated this movie: 3.0

You rated this movie: 3.0

Coupling: Season 4: "9 1/2 Months"
You rated this movie: 4.0

Coupling: 4.05: The Naked Living Room

Mister Foe
You rated this movie: 4.0

The Hunger
You rated this movie: 4.0

Kill Me Again
You rated this movie: 4.0

You rated this movie: 2.0

Water Lilies
You rated this movie: 2.0

Under the Sand
You rated this movie: 4.0

We Own the Night
You rated this movie: 4.0

The Secret
You rated this movie: 4.0

Resident Evil: Extinction
You rated this movie: 3.0

My Kid Could Paint That
You rated this movie: 4.0

The Falcon and the Snowman
You rated this movie: 4.0

The China Syndrome

4 1/2 stars

The time is 2:26 in the morning.

I started to read Dave Eggars first book. I bought it for my birthday. I got it for 5 dollars at the used book store.

It made me write this:

Whenever I look up into the sky I do not see a scratchy sky. It is never gray or overcast here. Whenever I look up into the sky I see nothing, ok I see something, I see the sky.

I am going to read his book and then I am going to write to him. I think I will send him the story that I titled[if you don't know it is called Memoirs from the short bald fat white guy who sits next to you on the bus who wants to get your attention but quickly averts his eyes when yours meet. ]
it just like a david eggar's book long before I had ever heard of dave eggars, long before I knew other people thought just like I thought, only dave takes the misty evaporated clouds of ideas I get and puts words on them, words that you study for a vocabulary test for a social theory class or an advanced English degree.

Either way it is late and most of you have read what you are going to read today and that means you are not going to read this so I guess I can just keep writing now because it does not matter what I say I can say it in private which is a bit ironic I know as I write my journal on the internet for all to see but of course I figured nobody would ever read it even when I hand them the url all hand typed on evenly spaced on receipt paper that I print out from my register with the warning that failure to read and comment on the blog is tantamount to heresy or apostasy and I would use the correct word but I can't remember which word is correct and I am too lazy to google right now.



Anonymous said...

I'm on the edge of my seat until you get back, you know. Why do you do this to me?

new marvel said...

I actually really enjoyed Puccini for Beginners.

Watch out with that chocolate sauce. I think I remember reading somewhere that sucrose is not very good for feminine hygiene. Try something with artificial sweeteners.

Victoria's Secret makes edible chocolate massage oil.

Romius T. said...

the sauce was for my ass, not for the female. so no need to wrory about upsetting the delicate nature of my female's internal organs/