I call in sick to work today so I can google "green shit and liver disease" and because I am afraid of all the death threats I get for being racist

I know you don't care but this is the sixth day in a row that I had a green bowel movement, and even I know that ain't right. I called into work today because I am sick. I have a fever and I can barely breathe because my nose is full of gunk.

I know I write a lot of mean things about Mexicans and I am sure some of you get offended by that shit. I just want you to know that I am not a racist. Heck, I even married a Mexican and that is probably more than any of you have ever done for a Mexican, if you don't count hiring one as your gardener, or ordering something from a Taco Bell Menu, and I don't count any of those things as anything other than 'partaking of a racist stereotype. ' So maybe people need to ease up on the death threats, because in reality every time you hire a Mexican as a gardener, or order something from Taco Bell, you are just being part of the problem, and not part of the solution.

Then again I could be wrong about the whole thing as I don't have any Mexican readers and I am suffering from delirium from my fever. Also, the whole too much bile in my stool thing has me worried, and when people are worried they look for someone to blame, and I would blame the Jews, but I am afraid of Jews, because the Jews run Hollywood and one day I plan on taking this blog and making it into a book, and as soon as I am done with the book I am planning on selling the rights to the book to some Jew so he can make a movie about my life.

I know that shit is kinda far in the future and many of you can't believe that I would worry about something that far off, but despite all my craziness I am very resourceful, and I got plans and those plans have contingencies and possibilities, and I can't say for sure that none of it won't come true, so you won't hear any bad mouthing of Jews here, because anyway I am pretty sure God has punished them enough for killing your saviour. {Too soon for Holocaust jokes?}

Anyway, to borrow another idea from Drunken Stepfather, I would assume that anyone who comes to this weblog by now "gets me" and if you don't get me that's ok. I mean I don't really care. If you find something offensive about this blog, and this is your first visit here, I humbly apologize. I meant no disrespect. Of course if you are a regular visitor (one of the eleven) then by now you should know what to expect. Don't go getting pissed off when I finally pick on something or someone you really like. If you stick around long enough I am going to insult you because that's what I do. Take it or leave it. IF you 'take it' you just might find that the mirror I am holding up to you is ugly, and that's because plastic surgery can't fix every thing. Yet.