Friday, October 24, 2008


I haven't posted in a week. The natives have become restless.

I sit in a room that is 10 degrees warmer than the rest of the house. I have the computer on and I sit with a pillow behind my back. I type even though my hand and back hurts. My hand is turning purple. I must have some kind of circulation issue. My thumb hurts the most and I think I have repetitive stress injury from surfing the net too much and from checking groceries all day.

There is a naked bulb burning brightly behind my back that casts a pale yellow glow over the rest of the room. I turn on the fan and face it directly at me in order to combat the intese heat in the room. I am writing in Fro's room because my computer is 4 times slower than Fro's computer.

I have buyers remorse again. I wished I would have waited to buy a computer that at least had a gig of ram. My computer has only 286 megs of RAM. It is slow, but it is not painfully slow. I just notice the difference between Fro's faster computer when I type on mine. I love fast internet.

I need to stop torturing myself by searching for computers on Craigslist. I see all the computers with a gig of RAM for the same price that I paid for my "complete" computer system. I know those computers don't have monitors and keyboards, but those things are cheap. Anyway, I don't like my keyboard or mouse. I really want an ergonomic keyboard/mouse. I saw a wireless ergonomic keyboard and mouse at a computer store for just 30 dollars. I know the bible says that "only the devil should covet," but I covet that keyboard and mouse. I think I will try to sell my computer online and buy a better one.

I can't really afford to keep buying things, but like a good American I will do it anyway. I just bought a new phone. I bought an enV2 from Verizon. I think I will love it. I will have access to the internet and email at all times now. I have internet with the computers at home. I will have a cell phone with unlimited mobile internet access. I am sure I will be mobile blogging and posting videos that I capture with my new cell phone. If I had the phone today I could have posted a video of the girl who wore tiny shorts to the store with printing on the butt that said "cheerios" on them. After seeing her I told everyone I ran into at work that my favorite new cereal was cheerios.

"Fawkes" and I both got busted checking out the "Cherrio's" hot chick at work. We got caught by a sweet teenager. After watching the girl in cheerio's short shorts, I glanced back to the teen who's items I was scanning. I met her eyes and I think she saw for the first time the horniness of older men. I could tell she was disturbed, but she had no clue how to respond to what she had just seen. Her developing mind weighed the options of dressing slutty and getting the attention that all little girls want from men with the rational part of her brain bent on maintaining her dignity and personhood.

I am not sure which side of her won. I would like to tell you that the good side won and that Eli and I had not created another girls gone wild, but alas I cannot. I can't say for sure which side I wanted to win. I guess I want the girls gone wild side to win, I just don't want to know that I was the reason a young girl gave up on respecting herself and decides to slut herself off to the world.

The jail bait had on a Led Zepplin concert t-shirt. Like she even knows who Led Zepplin is. I wanted to ask her about it, but she had just caught me staring at the girl with the cheerios short shorts. I watched cheerio girl walk away until she exited the store. I couldn't bring myself to have a normal conversation with the teen because she probably thought that me and Fawkes were perverts.

*** (Be warned. Below I describe a bad beat in detail.)***

I played Poker last night and won 70 dollars. Card Shark lost so much that I had to give him all the stake and my winnings. He lost a lot of money trying to help me win a huge pot on the last hand of the night and I felt bad we both lost.

The last hand we played was a splash pot.*

*A splash pot is when the casino adds extra money to the pot as a prize or reward to the players.

There was a hundred dollars in the splash pot. It was also a kill pot which means we were playing 6/12 hold 'em instead of 3/6. I had queen/ten unsuited. The flop came up with a queen and because of that I knew I was ahead. I raised. Card Shark raised me. I re-raised Card Shark. There must have been 3 to 4 hundred dollars in the pot after all the raising. Several of the players went "all in" because they did not have enough money to cover all the bets.

It was a bit confusing seeing all the piles of money being divided between players still in the hand and players who were only in a few of the pots because they ran out of money. The dealer was a long time dealer, but she was confused and I am sure she began to pull money out of stacks randomly.

On the river the last card was a six. I thought I was ok, but apparently some loser* who was all in hit his inside straight and therefore I lost the main pot. I won several smaller side pots and incurred the wrath of a drunken Card Shark who mistook my bravery in raising all the posts to mean that I had the "nuts" or the best hand on that deal. I did not. I just had had the lead from first to fourth street. I was pushing the pot to be as big as possible in the hopes that I would get a big score on the last hand.

I read the play correctly. I was ahead. The only card that could hurt me was a six and unfortunately that was the card that came up. That happens in poker.

I got a call from the Google Ex Girlfriend while playing poker. Card Shark gave the table some advice. He said, "when a girl calls you at 2 am she is looking for affirmation." According to Card Shark if I am giving affirmation to a women by chatting with her I should, " be getting something out of it." Otherwise she is just using me. Card Shark says I should be getting some sex or something. "Unless the conversation is really that good, that just talking to her is all you need."

I told Card Shark the conversation was pretty funny for the first couple of minutes. But around the middle of it I needed to have a blow job from her if she wanted me to continue to listen to her talk about her boyfriend troubles.

He told me to make sure she give me one, "but that might just be the dick in me talking."

I told Card Shark I was sure I did not want to talk to his dick.

***(note: I am not a hypochondriac.)***

I have not had a coke in three or four days. My acid reflux is still around though not as bad as when I drink soda. The lump in my throat is gone (mostly). I am thankful for that. I can swallow a lot easier than I was swallowing a few days ago.

I am drinking flavored ice tea with no sugar. I will go work out at the gym soon. I no longer have the excuse that coke is making me fat. I will include in this report the fact that I have lost 2 pounds since quiting cola. I am not bragging, I am just reporting facts.

I am sneezing too much at work. I still consume too many antacids. My shit is clay colored.

*end of report*

*The loser (aka winner of the big pot) did not want to play one more hand at very high stakes with me and card shark. I guess he did not want to take a chance of dumping his chips back to me and prefered to empty is winnings into the penny slots near the exit of the casino. Loser.


Fawkes said...

Very entertaining. Gives me something to do while I sidetrack away from my homework that will be due in a few hours. But as for that teenage girl, screw her, I could care less about that. Watching those chicks was a decent trade for being seen as a pervert by someone I won't ever see again.

As for your computer, when I first got mine, which was probably worse than what you have now, it too had 1/4 of a gig of ram. I used this site (I believe it was to see how I can upgrade the RAM. Then I went out and put in 2 gigs of RAM and now my comp is pretty hardcore.

On a sidenote, I got pretty bored after I got off work so I decided to make a Blog. Its incredibly dull but it shall get better as days turn to months.

Romius T. said...

Mr Fawkes

YOu got to see the process by which I blog. I send up a rough draft and then publish the draft/ then I take a look at the finished product and go back and try and clean it up.

So you got to read a piece of crap I am sure. Not that this blog is not full of crap after I take the time to edit a bit.

Thanks for the advice on adding memory. I just might try it if I can buy some memory real cheap.

I will link to your blog. I would suggest you get a stats gadget so you can obsess over how many people visit your webpage like me.

I can rest easy knowing that a sixteen year old can knock off a blog post entry that reads better than mine in a few minutes when I struggle for an hour just to get something readable.

I guess I know why I won't be famous anytime soon, but when you do can I tag along?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

ROMIUS: What position were you in? How many players were in the game? I am assuming it was limit because you refer to the "kill-pot."

Assuming mid-position and 9 players, why were you playing Q-To? You can gamble, I suppose, and try to see the flop for the price of the big blind. But there probably were players behind you any of whom with a good sized pair or two better honors could have raised and depending on the remaining players you could have been faced with having to go to the cap pre-flop.

In NL, Q-To is fine to play and even to call an all-in pre-flop raise raise with if you think you can end-up heads-up against 9-9 or a worse pair. But Q-To plays horrible in limit and in early mid-position especially if you have bankroll concerns, you should be throwing it away.

If I were forced to play a weak hand from mid-position in limit, I'd much prefer 6-5s or even 5-4s than Q-To. If the flop hits you good, you've got everybody with high-honor draws beaten but thinking they're live.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

...this is why Q-To is so bad in limit. There are only two flops you like other than the nuts: K-J-x and Q-x-x. And in the latter situation, you can't protect your hand against anyone with something the X-X hit.

lucky charms said...


I never know which parts of your blogs are true and which are made up, but if your reflux is acting up as much as you say, stop eating so many antacids. Your body is gonna compensate for it by suppressing your breathing so you retain carbon dioxide. NOT GOOD!

I don't think it should affect your poop though. Your pee might be basic though. Let's do a science project!! Pour some vinegar into the toilet after you pee and see if you can make a volcano :D

Anyway, stay away from carbonated and caffeinated beverages for a while, don't lie down after eating, and if you're taking any meds, please talk to a pharmacist! Antacids have a tendency to bind to certain drugs....

Back to the post. I guess Cheerios on a girl's short-shorts is better than Lucky Charms on a blog! hahaha

I met her eyes and I think she saw for the first time the horniness of older men. I could tell she was disturbed, but she had no clue how to respond to what she had just seen. Her developing mind weighed the options of dressing slutty and getting the attention that all little girls want from men with the rational part of her brain bent on maintaining her dignity and personhood.

I can almost guarantee that was not the first time she saw the horniness of older men. But she was definitely considering buying short-shorts. I, personally, hope she took the short-shorts money and bought a book. But if she didn't.... short-shorts don't necessarily mean that she gave up on respecting herself... maybe the short-shorts provide empowerment. It's when the short-shorts come off that you should feel guilty...

But you won't. Because you're a man. Tsk.

DCup said...

Go ahead and treat yourself to the new wireless mouse and keyboard. What the hell, we're all in the soup, right?

Fawkes said...

Well, obsessing over the amount of views I can rack up on my blog does sound quite interesting. How do I get this wonderful contraption so that I can acknowledge myself as a famous blogger?

KELSO'S NUTS said...

FAWKES: Whatever you do, don't do THAT! I mean if you intend to be either serious or ironic.

Your Uncle Kelso will tell you the secret to big blog stats: CAT PICTURES, lots and lots of CAT PICUTRES. You cannot go wrong with CAT PICTURES. I promise you, stick with cat pictures with as many NATURE VISTAS in the background as possible and you'll run up some mind-fuck blog numbers.

All I have to do is entertain, inform and pass research and style muster with the toughest collective on the telegraph-wire and ONLY Romius T is in the running for the most universally despised blogger around.

I think ROMIUS T and I are up for the 2008 ROD "HE HATE ME" SMART AWARD. I'm doing Blog Talk Radio with one of the very best bloggers around starting next week and I promise you all it will do is cost my spot and all 20 of my teammates page-views.

CAT PICTURES, buddy, CAT PICTURES. And aphorisms in the Stuart Smalley style. That's how you build a blog following. Not writing what you think and feel. That's a chump's game.

I tried blogging in Spanish for a while, but South Americans only write about politics, literature, dope, fucking, sports, gambling, their favorite music and put up a lot of vids of weird sex and write a lot of funny jokes.

Who needs that shit?

Mejor que escribas tonterias gringas y que llenes tu vaina de FOTOS DE GATOS, oiste? Te lo juro que llegaran cientos y cientos de visitantes y comentarios, tal vez algo de cooky a la vez, me entiendes, si o pa' que?

Romius T. said...


I was on the big blind in a kill pot. there was an additional 100 free dollars in the pot, so I would have played any cards I had, and of course everyone at the table did so as well since the average pot in a 3/6 game is like 30 dollars.

in the splash pot there was a hundred dollars plus the 8 players before me. That makes 160 dollar in the pot and all I needed to do was add 3 dollars, I was getting 50 to one odds. I would never turn that down.

Lucky Charm

I do have the acid reflux. I have stopped drinking coke (4 days sober) and caffeine (headache is finally gone!)

I had no idea about the carbon dioxide , now I am worried.

I love the idea about empowerment. I am glad you ladies have swallowed the idea that having a strong and loose sex drive makes you feel empowered.


I agree with you. I have 3 days off next week. If I work a couple I can afford it@



I have the cutest cat picture on my blog., buried deep in the archives. I hope I win that award. They hate me!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

ROMIUS: My apologies. I didn't read the conditions of the kill/splash pot carefully enough. It looks like the flop only hit you and gave someone else the backdoor draw to beat you.

You got it all in good. Seems like you protected your hand best you could given limit conditions, gave yourself most of the side pots and had the best of it all the way down.

If two or more people were betting the flop, the turn and the river with me (as you), I suppose I'd have to be willing to go to the cap each time just for the pot odds. I'd be nervous about it though. Probably meant one of the Xs gave a guy a set, or 2 x's gave him bottom two.

I don't like LIMIT at all. Of the counting outs games, I'd much rather play PLO. It's a great game to play conservatively because people fall in love with their draws and cling to them even when they're getting a bad price.

And very few people outside of pross get that RAINBOW BROADWAY is as good as QUADS.

For limit games, I guess I like 7-stud the best because I have a good card memory and I'm usually willing to play anything until it's stopped out.

My two best UIGEA-exile friends here are upper level pros. One is the best tournament player who's not a household name but who's returned be a compounded rate of 150% a year for 5 years backing him. The other guy is in top 10 in online cash. Sick talent. He can multitable 12 NHLEs or PLOs and multitable 6 OMAHA-8s. So, I'd really rather talk theory with them than play the 10-25 PLO or the 5-5 NHLE.

We play blackjack as a trio. I'm synesthetic in color and shape so I can keep a count +/- 2 without counting, just by glancing at the table and seeing like Jackson Pollock and Francis Bacon paintings in my head. But the online player is a perfect counter, so I switched to memorizing all the side cards that have fallen. The tourney player knows strategic adjustment for count, cards remaining, and I'll signal him which side cards are live and how rich the deck is in As. They let us sit together and spread 5-1000 on six spots. We've had two losing sessions in a year.

Very few of the dealers of floor managers speak English so obviously I only speak Spanish to order sodas and that sort of thing. Or somebody does know English, I can give my boyz the live cards in Yiddish or Russian.

I think I'd make you -180/+170 favorite over me for the coveted 2008 ROD "HE HATE ME" SMART BLOGGER PRIZE.

You're way more misanthropic than I am. I've got a slight snob appeal edge on you and I have a worse temper. I did a real nice job on some putz on SPARKLEPONY's site. SPARKLE wrote a cool post about Hugo Chavez giving it to Palin and some dildo wrote in that Chavez was "vulgar," "a dictator," and "insignificant."

Now, I've studied the Venezuelan economy and capital markets to a fare-thee-well and the elections, too. And I write in fluent Andino so the poor guy got a face full of Kelso's leche on the subject.

And the best part was that I argued it from the point of view of agreeing with Chavez's kind of traditional economic policies of fiscal neo-Keyneianism and Fisherite neutrality as to the value of the Bolivar and that he's a total inflation and budget hawk.

Like NLHE this HE HATE ME thing. You gotta show a lot of different looks. HE HATE ME don't live by lefty politics alone.

The MSNBC youtube about Chavez is a must-see. They show Caracas like a slum when it's one of the richest cities in the world. When they "translate" they make shit up. Some poor woman says of Chavez "Me cae bien," which means I like him. It was translated as "he's doing great things for the poor instead of the rich and the foreigners." I swear.

If you have acid stomach, it's good to give up booze and coffee. Don't chew a lot of antacids though. They give you kidney stones unless you drink gallons of water. Better to take one Zantac or Prilosec a day and switch to black tea. Twinings Prince Of Wales is real good.

The girl who's flirting with you here is right, though, about antacids or zantac interfering with other meds. The slow up the process of breaking down the inhibitors so you don't get the effect of the medication for like 2 hours.

you know who said...

what happened to you? i've been hoping you would call...?

Romius T. said...


I am not on any other meds, but thanks for the advice. I am drinking celestial teas all kinds of flavores. I mix it with decaf lipton or luzianne. I have sworn off soda.

I have seen some of your comments on other blogs and I don't know how you can write so much. I am mucho impressed.

You comments are longer than my posts sometimes and you keep this correspondance up with tons of people. I guess if you are making tons of money online gambling and in the house then you can afford to be blogging all day!

I was sorry to hear that I don't have a snob appeal. I wil start appealing to snobs soon!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

ROMIUS T: My mother, father and sister are all writers of fiction and non-fiction and editors, mother and sister of books, father of trade journalism. I was the only member of my family to go into finance and gambling professionally, but they taught me to read and write very young.

I was a lit major in college and when my friends and I founded our first off-shore investment fund, we'd write a weekly newsletter with real essays and we'd all write for the scholarly and professional journals.

I'm synthethetic in color, shape and pattern which is a great gift for memory, so I can work out an argument in my head and have most of the facts good to go. I can write equally well and speedily in Spanish. I'm not merely RICH FUCKING ASSHOLE, I'm ALSO a rich fucking asshole.

Romius T. said...

I love that you are a synthethetic in color. I love sythn's/I blog about you freaks all the time/ so weird/so not weird that we are internet chums/i like that you are rich since I am poor