Thursday, October 16, 2008

I have a weird neighbor


I have a weird neighbor. I am not talking about the couple next door to me who leave their door open all night. I have to hide my face from them when I walk up the stairs to my apartments and pretend I am in a rush to to get inside, so I don't have to answer any of their questions.

The wife is in her late 40's and is kinda MILFish. She has short spikey hair. I don't know what happens to women at 40 but they all get the same haircut. You could say the same thing about men, but the reason we all get the same haircut at 40 is because we don't have any hair left.

No, my really strange neighbor has a red Porsche . The Porsche is always broken down. He has had the same red Porsche since I last lived in the condo and he had the Porsche before I moved to the condo the first time.

For the past 2 weeks my neighbor has been working on his car all night. He stays up until 4 in the morning. He saws things and drills things directly below my window. He removes the fiberglass under body and works on the wires down there. He has been working on the same area of the undercarriage for 10 years. I have no idea what is wrong with the car. Every once and a while he will put all the pieces together and drive the car around. A few days later he will be back to work on the car.

I wonder if the car is really broken. I wonder why he doesn't save money and get it fixed by a professional. Why would anyone expend so much energy to save a Porsche . I mean I love Porsche more than I love my Volvo but I don't think I could have as much of my self worth tied into the make an model of the car as this guy does. The car has a terrible paint job, it needs a good wax. I think it must be a 1980's 924. It's an ok car that would have not pulled that much pussy in it's glory days. I can't imagine any girl getting wet over the car now.

IF you want to picture the guy he is exactly like you would expect. Call him, Guido. I think he used to have a mullet. He works out a lot and wears gym shirts and shorts 364 days a year.

I want to win the lottery and buy this guy a new car. Only I remember that he has a anger issue and once attacked the FRo because he thought he was responsible for a break in to the car.

I still hope to win the lottery. If I do I am going to buy a red Porsche 911 and park it next to his car. I will never drive it. I just want him to be reminded what a waste of time his life has been the last 12 or so years taking care of a car on life support.

I am a humanitarian that way.

6 comments:

DCup said...

I love it that you have different degrees of strange for your neighbors.

lucky charms said...

The car has a terrible paint job, it needs a good wax.

You need a good wax, too! :)

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Best use a Porsche I can think of.

One of the most successful people I know drives a 2nd hand Subaru, buys his clothes at Old Navy or wears give away promotional t-shirts, baseball caps, and basketball shorts from Sports Authority.

Milken drove a Nissan and lived in Van Nuys when he had billions.

If you can find it, read Al Goldstein's piece on his disastrous experience owning a Rolls-Royce. Not on THE google far as I can tell. It's called something like "The $100,000 Fuck-Up". [That was in the 80s, of course...What would a top of the line Rolls cost now, 1/2 MM?]

KELSO'S NUTS said...

Oh, btw, my friend with the Subaru is a vegetarian and doesn't have gym muscles at all. Spends his free time watching artsy movies with his girlfriend and rarely leaves his house. Money gathers dust in accounts in places like Julius Baer, et cie, S.A. (Switzerland). Doesn't really care if he wakes up each morning or not. When he does, he works. Then reads novels or public affairs shit online. When his girlfriend comes home from work, they watch German or Czech films, do the biz and go to sleep.

Seems to me, ROMIUS, you guys are on the cutting edge of the NEW STATUS SYMBOLOGY!

KELSO'S NUTS said...

FUUUUCCCKKKKKK!

I just read your "Still Single" post. I've known Eric Schaeffer since I was 9. We played touch football together in a casual Saturday family thing in Riverside Park as pre-teens.

My first ex-wife used to go out with him. He was maybe two boyfriends ahead of me with her. I got uncomfortable around him after she and I got married so I lost track of him.

I have no idea what he looks like now, but as young men we looked quite a bit alike and were very much my first-ex's type. She's tall with a fair complexion and Gentile features though she's Jewish, too. Eric and I are small with a dark complexion and more typically Mediterranean Jewish features.

The 0-separation-degrees gets weirder still. My friend with the Subaru is like the world's biggest Eric Schaeffer fan. He has everything Eric's every done on film kept in some way for regular viewing.

Romius T. said...

Lucky

I need a wax bad. I I keep growing hair.

Kelso

I can't believe you know Eric.

I'm gonna try and find the Al peice/

I love your friends life of watching movies and fucking his g/f

but I am not rich so when i do those things people just think I am lazy