Saturday, October 11, 2008

Magic Johnson faked AIDS

I don't break stories on the internet because I am not the mainstream media or that newspaper in Hell, instead I am a just a blogger, and as a blogger all I do is circulate rumors and repost content that I read elsewhere with enough snarky commentary so that you can't claim copyright infringement.

I still like to keep my readers up to date with stories that I steal off the internet, because I know that you guys develop feelings quickly and get attached to all the people I talk about like they are your friends, because you don't have friends in real life and never will. All you ever had was Sammy and Sammy liked to punch you in the back of the head and that's why you keep coming back here because while I can't punch you in the head "literally" I can use my literary skillz on you just like a punch to the head.

I think I felt about as good as you did after running into Sammy in the court yard after I read that a couple of radio guys from Minneapolis told their listeners that Magic Johnson never had the AIDS. They said that he lied and made the whole AIDS thing up just to scare you. Reading that story made me sick until I remembered how I told you that Magic Johnson bought a cure for AIDS and kept it to himself. I guess I should apolagize to you for spreading false rumors, because if Magic didn't have the AIDS then he didn't hide the cure from you, so you should probably stop hating Magic and stop using your hatred of that famous ex basketball player as an excuse to hate all black people and not vote for Obama, because Obama is going to give you a tax cut and all you really care about is your money.

I don't get a lot of comments on this blog (other than from my lucky charm) but I do get people piping up from the peanut gallery who never read this blog, and they tell me how I should write it. They want me to update the story of the 8 legged girl from India who was worshipped as a god and who's image I have commandeered as a mascot for this blog.

As far as I know she had successful surgery and is living the normal life of a castrated demi god. You will have to click on the links to the Youtube video because the poster did not allow the option to inbed the video, or you can just take my word for it. The operation seems to have worked and the little girl looks normal.

I like happy endings, don't you? Speaking of happy endings go visit the Bathos for my take on why fat chicks love sex.

8 comments:

lucky charms said...

Here's another comment just so I can live up to your outrageous claims that I leave a lot of comments :)

This reminds me of that episode of South Park where Cartman got AIDS and no one cared because, nowadays, people only care about cancer.

Right now my brother is wearing a Darth Vader mask and scaring my 4 year old nephew, who is beating him with a rolled up poster and screaming like a girl. I'm going to sleep.

Katie Schwartz said...

You are insane... Please review http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/2008/10/everyone-needs-self-help.html

Roger Bell said...

Radio personalities such as you describe are my main reason for having XM radio in my car. I never have to listen to their stupid, hurtful crap.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

RomiusT:

Thanks for the love, brother. From all of us at THE PITCHFORK.

I'm not eligible to vote but if I were I sure wouldn't vote for Obama now that I know Magic Johnson didn't have THE Aids.

Priceless!

Romius T. said...

Lucky

I can barely keep up with your comments. I find that amazing and I grasp at your wonerfulness for my sanity.

Katie

Thanks so much!

Roger

I am just glad you catch the sarcasm here.

Kelso

I am a proud supporter of the pitchfork. Viva la hell!

Katie Schwartz said...

PS: I just watched every sick twisted video related to your mascot. Oy vey.

Katie Schwartz said...

PS: I just watched every sick twisted video related to your mascot. Oy vey.

Romius T. said...

fun videos eh?