Monday, October 20, 2008

I promote the drug monkey again because he sends me half my hits

I've got nothing. This is the third post in a row where I have nothing to say. I used to never post these kind of entries, but all of you have gotten used to me posting daily so now I feel like if I don't get something out that I am letting you down. I would hate to do that since I have been spending the last few weeks self promoting this website one person at a time.

I've been writing down this blog's address on strips of paper and handing them out to anyone who will take them. Since I have gone to the trouble of writing down my domain name for you and you have gone to the trouble of typing all the writing into a browser two or three times (because I had to remind you that you don't use www. on my address) I feel like you should have something new to read even if the new thing is not that funny or interesting.

I mean you could go look through the archives of this blog. The archives are lot funnier than anything you are going to read for the next week or two, but I know you don't know how to search the archives. If you are a reader who knows how to use the archives you think that reading the old stuff is like eating left overs and you would rather eat the shit that I am making now than try yesterday's lasagna. Big mistake. But as long as you keep coming back and make me famous I don't care if you think this weeks blog entries were awesome. There is no accounting for taste like yours.

When I am not begging friends and workmates to read this blog, I am tricking people to read me. Anytime I go to a pharmacy or see a pharmacist I tell them about that "master of pharmacy" the Drug Monkey. I figure half my audience is here as a result of his blog. I want to repay him for sending me so many readers by sending him two or three new readers a month. I know that half of them will eventually read my blog by accident and those people will realize why I suggested "Your Pharmacist May Hate You" after all.

I don't care if the only reason you find this blog is because you saw something on the Drug Monkeys web page about me. Now that you are here you are my friend too. And because you are my friend I know that the only reason you come to this blog is for advice on how to score with hot chicks. I don't feel like making a self help guide on how to pick up on hot chicks and if I did know I would not tell you and I would not be spending all my time on the internet trying to make you think I am cool.

I know you don't like to read so here is a video of a playmate telling you how to score with hot chicks.

How to Pick Up a Playmate


lucky charms said...

And because you are my friend I know that the only reason you come to this blog is for advice on how to score with hot chicks. I don't feel like making a self help guide on how to pick up on hot chicks and if I did know I would not tell you and I would not be spending all my time on the internet trying to make you think I am cool.

ROMIUS! I'm your friend, and I'm totally not here to learn how to pick up hot chicks. Plus, even if I were, you shouldn't be helping people figure out how to pick up hot chicks. You should be hoarding them for yourself.

WAIT. I came here for a reason. Yes, I found you via the DrugMonkey.. but he won't even be around to appreciate this lovely post! He went back to Ohio, Romius. I'm feeling withdrawals already. You have to be my pillar, k? The DrugMonkey won't be back til Sunday.

AND AND AND... Katie Schwartz is extending the voting period for her cuntest and the DrugMonkey isn't around to promote himself!! We have to do it for him! He has to win.

......That way, we can plot a way to sneak to California and steal the cupcakes, ok? I think we can do it. I have faith in us.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

This video is useless!

I'll give you two great techniques:

I have a very close friend who's a gay guy. We used to have this thing we’d work for sex at gay bars. He presents very much as straight and he’s kind of a city kid with a little street in him like me so he tends to be a top maybe 70% of the time. Tops are very rare in the gay world. They’re like gold. The only thing more gold is a straight guy who’ll experiment.

Anyway, both of us would attract a lot of guys and inevitably there would be a cute woman confident. A guy with my attitude who was completely at ease in that environment was like catnip to these women. Easiest way to pick up women I’ve ever found.

(2) In the video she's giving lessons in a club. Me? I like to eliminate the middleman whenever possible, so I bought an electronica lounge.

That's not why I'm here. I'm here because this is the best virtual misanthrope's bar on the telegraph wire. So, I'm going to sip a soda, smoke a little rock, listen to some tunes, and settle in at the Self Help Center Lounge.

I had two experiences back to back which made me first glad to be living in Panama as a Panameno-Russian-German-Jew and then not so glad to be that. This afternoon a reggaetonero (panamanian hip-hopper) named JAPANESE and his crew shot a video at my apartment. The theme of it was us actually playing 5-10 NLHE and JAPANESE put a real 9 millimeter on my dining table and that was weird but funny in a way. I had no way of knowing whether it was loaded or not so I pretended it wasn't there. I didn't win any money but the roughs of the video looked cool.

You can check his shit out on Youtube under "JAPANESE" and "REGGAETON" or "COCOBOLO LA VERGA". They're coming by tomorrow to shoot another one at the pool. I have no idea what the theme is but was asked to arrange two Colombian women for the video. My girlfriend took care of it.

At any rate, after they left, I got online and saw the most disgusting political piece of news I'd seen in a long time. Barack Obama has announced that Colin Powell will be a Senior Member of his administration.

Now, Romius, Colin Powell in my mind ranks just behind Hitler. He is absolutely the most hated person in Panama. You can read my screed about him on HELL if you haven't already. The upshot is aside from all the other shit he did, he killed 10,000 panamenos and rendered another 100,000 homeless during "Operation Just Cause". The psyops portion of it was psycho. Let's just say that Powell encouraged his troops to familiarize themselves with rape and the defacing of the exteriors and interiors of Catholic churches, synagogues and mosques.

He was so sadistic that Bush Senior had to tell him to settle back and cool it with the violence.

On every possible level, I hate him with every fiber of my being and now he's going to be like Obama's chief of staff or defense secretary or something.

Obama has also been a little too lippy for my tastes as regards Venezuela and its president, Hugo Chavez. It's the #3 power country in the Americas. He knows sweet fuck-all about Venezuela. He just parrots whatever bellicose shit McCain says. "Communist," "destabilizing force in the region," "enemy of the united states," "petro-terrorist," etc. I find that very rich considering those are the very insults the Wingnuts hurl at Wonderboy. Nevertheless, Chavez is not to pleased and released a pretty funny video trashing holy hell out of Obama for being the same kind of imperialist scumbag as McCain is. I believe now.

Powell hates all Latinos and Arabs, and Obama is just a weakling, so I'd expect them to take a run at Venezuela and brother that's where Chavez and Putin will hand Obama and Powell their asses! In fact, Chavez just with bank policy could trash America's economy worse even. But some ultra-violence wouldn't be terrible especially if initiated by such a cowardly, sadistic weirdo as Powell.

I'm relishing the thought of GI-Joe-The-Soldier-Boy boom boom turned into soup trying to cross the border from Colombia or approaching the Caracas harbor.

No, Romius, I'm afraid I DO NOT SUPPORT THE TROOPS.

I thought this Obama was pretty smart. Strikes me he's kind of a putz with the Powell thing. He's been advocating a trade deal with Panama. That's fucked considering Powell killed many of current president Torrijos's relatives in the war as well as many of the relatives of the likely next president Balbina Herrera.

The whole thing has kind of re-soured Latinos on Wonderboy. Everybody here loved The Big Dog and were for HRC big-time but McCain is such an asshole that we'd switched.

Now, we've switched to the more proper and sensible position that all gringos suck: uneducated, ill-mannered, nauseating fools, basically.

If could vote in the US election, I'd now vote for Cynthia McKinney of the Green Party. Fuck Grandpa Cripple-Hands Walnuts and fuck Wonderboy, too.

Panameno de corazon, torrijista de corazon!

Romius T. said...


It is not wonder that we are fast becoming internet soul mates.

I have a special interest in panama and hugo chavez. I write about them all the time over at bathos.

I read your story about Powell and it took me aback,though I do not know why. The man was vicious in both gulf wars and lied each time to help us get into those wars.

I was not aware of the part he took in the operation just cause.

I have wathced the documentart opertaion just cause and I have read parts of the book "getting to know the general." I plan on finishing it soon.

I hope you will add more infor and continue to follow the story over at the brimstone.

Obama is not the progressive savior. He is a moderate democrat. He is the Gorbachev to the left of this country. He will ruin us all. I will write on that.
I will check out the video on youtube as well@


I posted this worthless video becuase I know that no one will be helped by it. Thus the "Self" in selp help.

I voted for drug monkey and I promote him all i can, i do think we need to steal his muffins

mr. togepi said...

Yes yes, Lucky Charms, we get it. You stalk Romius and the DrugMonkey and anyone related to DMs blog and are a borderline psycho. Yes, we KNOW, you wait by your computer for either of them to post so you can be the first comment where you can remind everyone that you know them each OH SO WELL with your familiarity and inside jokes. Yes, Lucky Charms/Stalker/Minja, we get it. WE ALL GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'll be the first to tell you that YOU ARE SOMEONE!!!!! YOU ARE YOU ARE YOU ARE!!!!

I hope that helps.

But please, back off a little because you are totally killing the magic; sucking the life out. Really.

KELSO'S NUTS said...


I liked your Chavez posts. Palast rules, you got that right.

Not sure if you read any of my stuff on Chavez but this communist thing is absurd. Chavez's government is social/populist democratic capitalist. It's not communist at all. There's no collective ownership of property. Quite the contrary. There are stock, bond, commoditiy and derivatives markets. There is a vibrant tech sector which is the world leader in the production of really nice and luxurious non-polluting automobiles.

He's got a huge budget surplus and is a much bigger inflation hawk than The Concord Coalition folks are. That's why his currency is the most valuable in the world. Don't believe me, buddy. Go to the Venezuelan government page, the Ministry Of Finance page, the Central Bank page, and any newspaper for all the securities prices.

Boy the fuckin MSM just lie and lie and lie and lie.

lucky charms said...

Mr. Togepi,

hehehehehehe. I'd stalk you, too, but you don't seem like very much fun.

Romius and the DrugMonkey are a barrel of laughs, and they seem to like my attention.

Sorry to let you down, but I don't sit at my computer waiting for them to blog. I just happen to get bored during lectures and my university was gracious enough to have wireless internet EVERYWHERE so that I can slack off during class. *shrug*

Sorry for killing the magic, though. My bad :)

Romius T. said...

Mr Togepie,

you so mean
why you so mean?
my lil charm mean no harm
she just fun

magic still here
maybe u just have to stop reading the comments...

Mr. Togepi said...


I'm not mean
and she's not fun
Just preserving the blog
For everyone
Who likes your writing
and what you have to say
but can't stand the chatter
of a bored stalker...
so gay!

Not my best poem! lol


Mr. T

lucky charms said...

"so gay" ?

Mr. Togepi... You're one of *those* people.. who assume that it's ok to use the word "gay" as an insult. You could not PAY me enough to stalk you. You're ignorant. No thank you.

And I'll have you know that I asked Romius, personally, if he'd like me to comment less, and he said he loves my comments. He even said he has a crush on me. So NYEH! *sticks out tongue*

I'll also have you know that I was just a reader, like yourself, not too long ago, but Romius *invited* me to stalk him. Double NYEH!

If the DrugMonkey heard you talking to me like that, he'd rip you a new one. I'm sure of it.

I DO have a solution that will solve all of our problems though.......

Just listen to the podcast over at Go ahead and digg the podcast. Then you get every bit of the Romius goodness without me spoiling your fun. And Romius gets an extra digg. See? All better.

I don't get paid to go to college for nothin' -- that's right, I get PAID to go to college. You don't have to tell me I'm someone. I already know. I've just been spreadin' the love...

but none for you. Asshat.

mr. togepi said...

LC -

Oh boy, you really can't resist, can you? You PERSONALLY ASKED ROMIUS??? Wow, you need more attention than ANYONE has time to give.

And I think it's darling that you know the DrugMonkey would defend your honor, and then you announce it so vehemently. I applaud your passion.

Maybe your comments aren't so bad after all... I know I'm amused.

Carry on!

Mr. T

P.S. - I'll even give you the last word. Go on, do it, you know you have to. ;)

Fawkes said...

U know, I believe one of the most interesting parts of your blogs is reading the comments left afterwords. Yet again, they have proven more interesting than the blog itself.

However, I did find the video amusing. Especially the last line of that guy. "Oh, there seems to be something wrong with my phone. It doesn't have your number." Maybe you should try that one some time in the future.

Btw, this is Eli =)

lucky charms said...


Oh yes, God forbid I ask the blogger in question how he feels about the situation -- such a desperate cry for attention, really... I totally see where your alias comes from. Maturity and Pokemon go hand in hand (Hell yeah, I googled it). You really ought to look into brands of cereal. It's what all the cool kids are doing.

By the way, Mr. Togepi, you alone have given me more attention than I need, but see what you've done to the blog? This blog that you try so hard to preserve... has a reader... who thinks... that the comments are more interesting than the blog! Again!

Again? Could that mean, perhaps, that I've been contributing to the interesting nature of the blog? And not just with this mindless, back and forth, pointless argument..... but all along? **Thank you fawkes.. you deserve a cookie :) and a gold star.

At any rate, I'm sure the readers really appreciate the little tussle you've started, but I think it's about time to let it go. I'm sure if Romius had blogged again since Monday *nudge nudge, get on top of your game, mister* you'd leave me alone and get back to reading..

But I still think you should just listen to the podcast, avoid my comments, Digg the Self Help Center, and keep your promise to let me have the last word. Yes. That's what you should do.

Romius T. said...


You rat bastard. I give my soul to this blog only to have you suggest that the comments on this blog are more interesting than all the free and wonderful content that I ache and work so hard to produce every day for you.

I would cry, but I know that would just make you giggle and nobody likes it when you giggle.

Mr. Togepi

I sure hope you can let all this pass and lucky charms will also promise to retort no more. I am unsure how to handle flame wars as I have never had to face them, I think I am sure that we have all had enough of this except for Eli who has told me how much he ejoys the tussling and there is one other person who has received such joy I can only use a german word to express it "schadenfreude."

At a certain point "schadenfreude" becomes dangerous to the health and welfare of a community, even a lame internet community like ours. I thought the agreement here was to engage schadenfreude at the rest of the world and not here at our little safe haven.

I trust I am correct on that.

fairlane said...

I find your assumption that I'm your friend to be a tad presumptuous.

I pick up "Hot Chicks" with an Oven Mitt.

Romius T. said...

Oh but Mr. Fairlane, now I have no friends with out you,,,,,