Monday, October 06, 2008

I don't get the internet at work, but I do get to see a lot of pregnant jailbait

I am bored of the internet already. I haven't had access to the internet at home for months, but it took just a few days before I remembered that there really isn't much stuff to see on the net. The only blogs worth reading are mine (and yours) and I read them 5 or six times a day. I find it helps boost our collective stats.

I don't have cable or a DVR so I am missing out on all my favorite TV shows. It would cost me over 500 dollars just to get cable back and I can't afford that since I lose my paychecks all the time. Speaking of losing things, I've lost my library card again. That makes 4 times is the past 2 months and even I am getting sick of replacing all the stuff I lose. I guess I am going to have to start paying more attention to things.

In my new found effort to pay attention, today I noticed that my grocery store has a lot of knocked up teen girls walking around. I love jail bait and I really like it when the jail bait visits my store "all knocked up" because the girls stop being shy and start looking me in the eye when I stare at their swollen bellies. I guess pregnant teens can't really pretend they don't know anything about sex anymore, and since most guys their age are scared to even be in the same room as a pregnant women they figure they might as well score with the older dude in the apron behind the desk working the money order machine.

I don't know a lot about sociology, but if I did I could probably site some kind of scientific study that shows a really high correlation between parents who use money orders and parents who's teen kids get knocked up and wear very low hip hugger jeans just to show off their newest g-string for you even though they are six months pregnant. Not that I am complaining. I'm just saying there has to be a scientific study that validates my point of view on this and if any of you know any right wing think tanks that can pass that information along to me I'd be appreciative. Not to the point that I would send you a packet of country gravy, but appreciative nonetheless.

I wasn't going to write a lot about prego jail bait, but my only other idea was to explain to the reading public that the majority of W.I.C. dairy purchases spoil... seemed boring, and I figured taking on a lobby like babies and Moms was a bad idea because everybody loves babies.

If you don't know, W.I.C stands for Women and Infants and Children. It is a government program that feeds pregnant woman, their infants and children. It does so by issuing checks that can be used to purchase eggs, cheese, cereal, and milk. I don't have a problem with feeding Milf's and their illegitimate offspring, but I have noticed that most of the people on WIC are not the brightest individuals.

You see most of the people on WIC take their coupons and purchase a months allotment of Milk and cheese at one time. I know some of these Mexican families have 20 people living in their homes, but I doubt most of the people on WIC can really go through 10 gallons of milk in a week. I am not sure how effective a program can be if it requires people who would rather choose 3 minutes of fun over 18 years of misery to make mental calculations about how much food their family can consume before the expiration date of coupons and/or food goes bad. I know most of them seem to be saying, "I am gonna get my milk before I forget to buy it and I don't care if that means all we will be eating is Kix and milk for the next 4 days." What will your kids be drinking for the next three weeks? One of the 33 packages of Kool Aid you bought I bet. Maybe Kool Aid should add calcium and vitamin d to their packages. (I think I just made Kool Aid a million dollars.)

Normally I would not bring this up because I worry that Conservatives will use this important investigation as just one more example of what government does wrong, but I just can't stand WIC. No cashier does. It takes forever to ring up a purchase when a person has WIC. They back up my line. If you are on WIC and wondering if the people in line behind you hate you, they do. They all scream at me when they finally get up to me in line.

All the customers behind you blame you for the long lines you have created. I know how difficult it is to pick out the proper food, so I don't get too angry when you purchase cheese under 9 ounces. The WIC guidelines on food and disallowed items do not make any sense. All cereal has to be bought in greater than 12 ounce sizes. You can buy string cheese but it can only be mozzarella- not cheddar. None of the participants read the materials that the WIC offices give them, so they always bring up random food and expect that it is covered. IT usually isn't and then someone has to get indignant. All that confrontation saps my will live to live and the only way I can keep myself going is to ignore your ranting and raving and stare deeply into the budding cleavage of your teenaged daughter.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Mmmmmmm, jailbait.

Romius T. said...

That is just for you Monkey Man!

Anonymous said...

Hey look! Isn't that Sarah Palin's daughter?

Romius T. said...

you betcha it is!

Freida Bee said...

Once, again you have your finger on my pulse. I was on WIC a few times. At least when I could go to the Farmer's market, I could pick out anything I wanted. I remember feeding my kids KIX 'cause it was free, and by the way, I used to freeze my milk or come back for a second trip or simply not use it in favor of soy milk.

And, I even use money orders from time to time, which just means I screwed up one too many bank accounts and stay away from banks, which, luckily, means I will not be calling your store asking if there is a Chase bank at your location.

Romius T. said...

I like that I tap myself right into your brain.