Saturday, September 13, 2008

I am forced to blog at a public library, but at least I get to sit next to a lesbian with bad acne who wears a scarf to hide her hideous head

I am back at the public library because I can't seem to figure out how to get my computer hooked up to the Internet. Like America in 2000 I need Al Gore, but I won't get him. Unlike America in 2000 I won't get George Bush either, but I may get a look at some lesbian bush as the girl who is sitting next to me at the computer terminal is a lesbian. I know she must be a lesbian because of the way she dresses. She dresses like a boy, but she is wearing some kind of scarf on her head to hide her short hair, and she is typing away on some instant messenger service because lesbians hook up by chatting on instant message platforms. I see this lesbian web surfer every time I go the library. I feel connected to her enough to make fun of her and that is the biggest compliment I can give a person.

I bought a wireless Internet adapter for my 99 dollar computer. I spent 50 dollars on it and I still can't connect to the Internet. I don't know if I bought a crappy Internet connector, but I know that I was not picking up any signals outside my house. That should not matter as I have cable and a wireless modem so I should be able to pick up the wireless signal from my house. For some reason that may have to do with me being a moron, I have been unable to connect the signal from the wireless router to my wireless USB plug in adapter. I think I need to first connect a cable modem to the wireless router. Only thing is the wireless router connects to the cable line and the router connects to my computer so I don't think that is the problem. I was pretty sure that Card Shark's computer was not hooked up to a cable modem just the wireless router. I guess I could dig around the computer boxes again, or ask Card Shark for some advice, but I am sure Card Shark paid someone to connect his computer. I wished I could do the same.

I am at a loss to explain why I can't get the Internet and I am getting frustrated. I get frustrated easily and it is the one time I act like regular person. I have spent more time on getting wireless that I have spent donating time to the needy. I just really want the Internet. I am addicted. I can't believe I wake up 3 hours early for work just so I can get my fix. But I think I am on a runners high when it comes to writing and I want to write everyday even if my writing is no good. I just don't like writing in a vacuum or with a pen and paper any more. I guess I could use my computer's word program and type, but then I would not have all your wonderful comments and feedback I get from you my lovely fan girls.

I am think I am beginning to get buyers remorse over my computer purchase. I always get buyers remorse no matter what I buy. I can never be satisfied with whatever I have purchased. i know there is always something better out there for a lower price. I think that is why I can't stay in a relationship. I am sure something better is coming along. I am sure my new model girlfriend will come with oral sex this time.

I know I only spent a hundred dollars on the computer. But I saw a number of laptops for a hundred and fifty dollars on craigslist. I could have bought a used laptop that came with a wireless card inside it. I could have taken the laptop to the library or some other wifi area and stayed as long as I wanted and I would not have to worry about public computer time limits. Instead I am stuck with a computer that warns me about a fan failure whenever it starts up. I do have a 90 day warranty. I think I will try taking my computer back. I know he will allow me trade in the computer for a model who's fan works. He will even let me trade it in for credit against another computer system. I would buy one of the store's laptops but they all start around three hundred dollars. That is just a bit out of my reach. I am going to be moving soon and I will need to save money for a deposit if I move out on my own. If I move in with the fro I will need money as well.

I think all my readers should send their favorite episode of the podcast to every member of their e-mail contacts with a suggestion that if the listener likes the podcast they should donate 1 dollar for every episode they download. If you all place advertisements on your heavily viewed blogs I am sure I would be set up quickly with enough money for gas to get me back to the library. Either that or I could become of those stupid success stories you read about where a guy puts up a website where people can buy 1 dollar spaces so he can become a millionaire. All I want is a used laptop so I can keep the podcast going and continue with all the posting I am doing. If I can get 1,000 donors I could get a I-Mac or something. Think about it. I know some guy who got 5,000 dollars donated so he could go to school. If I get 2,000 dollars in donations I will finish the 2 classes I need to take to get my AA degree from community college. Is that enough of an enticement? Do you want to see me naked? I recently trimmed some of my pubes if that is what you perverts need.


Some one asked me how the podcast is coming along. I can't upload or record new podcasts without Internet access at home. My podcast is ranked with a score of 2.97 out of possible 5 stars. To get ranked in the top 50 of podcasts (and thereby promoted on the website over at I need a score of 2.98. Just a couple of 5 star ratings from some of my readers would blast me back to the top of the podcast world again. My podcast has been delivering around 200 downloads a month even without staying in the top 50.

The podcast is drawing some interest without any new episodes. I have more downloads this month already than I did in all of the month of August, so I think you know what that means. The Self Help Podcast (check out the link on the sidebar) is going to take off soon. I will be asked to do a 3 minute rant on IFC's Henry Rollins Show. From there I am sure Mr. Rollins will want to produce my very own radio talk show. I will be getting famous soon and I will be leaving all you losers. Don't blame me when you spend your kids lunch money on a new Sirius subscription so you can listen to my new show. If your husband gets pissed off at you for spending so much money on yourself just tell him the reason your vagina has been so frothy lately is because listening to me tell the truth turns you on. I am willing to bet that your husband does not want to return to the days of the pre-frothy vagina. Not with all the pussy eating he is then required to get you steamy.


Rubicon Mom AKA. Rubi said...

You crack me up... but I still ain't sendin you any money! I will check out the podcast and click the 5 stars to help ya out though!

Romius T. said...

Thanks rubicon, you are awesome. I will take to heart your suggestion that I shave my pubes on my podcast. I am sure people are dying to see that!