Knock... Knock. "Who's there?" "It's the FBI and we're listening on all your phone calls, is that cool?"

No it is not Mr. FBI man. Please hang up or at least offer to pay for half of the cost of my phone sex conversations. Mistress Sally charges 19.99 for 20 minutes and that's a lot of dough for an unemployed blogger. If she finds out someone else is listening in on us she might double the charge.

I guess the FBI liked it when cellular phone providers updated their phones with GPS technology so they can find out that I tend to do my masturbating at the nearby Wendy's once a week. You can't Find Osama, but you can hear me jacking off.

I just want to alert my family that ABC news is reporting how the FBI listens to your cell phone even if you turn the power off. So maybe that whole blow up during Christmas dinner is looking pretty justified. And Bloomberg is reporting that all the CCTV's in England are going to start talking back to you.

I think I read about this in a book somewhere. Nah, that was fiction.