Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I Got Hit On Last Night At A Bar. For the first time in a long time the girl was cute. Way cute. Cuter than you.


I just hope last night was a prelude of what god has in store for me. Maybe a little Valentine's Day Awesomeness!

I was at a local pub last night minding my own business. Mostly I just stood around waiting on my friends to bring back beer for me from the huge breasted bartender. We always go to wherever big boobed bartenders serve 25 cent beer. Even with a 5 dollar cover charge you can get drunk on the cheaps.

I must have been rubbing my nose absent mindingly, because a rather cute dark haired girl leans over to me and asks "Are you mocking me?"

That's not an unusual question for me to get asked. I usually am mocking you. But I was just zoning out at that exact moment she looked over at me and was not at all copying her.

"Because I was touching my nose at the same time as you." After she finished her question I notice my interrogator is really cute. Petite and young. Half my age I'd guess. This puts me at a loss. I can't recall the last time a women made a move on me.

Normally I am quite quick witted, but last night I had no retort. In fact all I could stammer out was "No, no ..I wasn't mocking you."

I am so cool. That must have sounded totally bitchin' to her. I am just some little girl who dared not to offend. My friends cracked up laughing at me. They insisted that I "dropped the ball" and "fumbled at the five yard line." One of my asshole friends even brought up Tony Romo's choke of a hold on a place kick that cost the Cowboys a playoff victory.

Talk about kicking a brother when he's down. But don't worry sports fans. Old Romius T. still has a few tricks up his sleeve. I got the girl's attention a few minutes later and used an eye contact thing I know. You ladies understand what I am talking about. Some guys just know how to give good eye contact.

She walked back over to the bar where I stood. I started with a run up the middle for 4 yards. "How you doing?" But things got better when she leaned in to me in order to hear me better. "Actually," I tell her "I really did mean to mock you. Normally I don't try and hide it. I just do it straight to your face."

She seemed relieved that I wanted to insult her. I noticed she travelled with three hipster wannabe tough guys. She made a point of saying to me that "They were just friends." So I figured she must be into water sports or something freaky. "You should say it to my face." She mutters to me half drunk. Her eyes are shiny and giddy.
I am not going to tell you much about what happened next. But let's just say that I punted and put myself into some pretty good field position. I am sure we will meet again and I can't wait to try for a field goal.

Happy V-Day everybody.

Cuddles.
Romius T.

10 comments:

Cumcubes said...

As romius' brother trust me when I say It wasn't the first time he has dropped the ball on the 5 yard line. Ask him how he reacted to awoman trying to play footzies

Romius T. said...

Oh wow. If orgot that. I need to add a few hyper links. Why am I fucking up all these chances with hot chicks?

P.S. Anyone want to know why my brother calls himself cumcubes?

Dr. Stephanie said...

[Sigh.]

I don't think YOU need to worry about fucking up when HER pick up line is, "Are you mocking me? Because I was touching my nose at the same time as you." Even in my drunkest moment, I was able to come up with something better than that. Something to the tune of, "I'm drunk. And easy."

Also, can I tell you that no posts about trying to pick up chicks should contain football metaphors or similes? I just did, so pretend that wasn't a question.

Romius T. said...

I should have known that her line was a come on. but when you are as short, bald and poor as I am you can't count on girls hitting on you!

The football thing was almost verbatoem conversation that my dorky friends and I engaged in. I felt the need to report the facts there, even if it cost me style points.

Evil Spock said...

Doc Steph hates sports.

Oh, and I've fumbled so many times it's ridiculous. Actually, everyone was playing football and I was shooting free throws. It's a wonder I've got a girlfriend.

Knows It All said...

This is why its good you're back. Tempe is packed full of drunk sluts. ;)
Some are even thin, big-boobed, and relatively cute. most of them with really low self-esteem.
You can do it!!
;)

Romius T. said...

Knows it all

The world can be full of drunk sluts with low self esteem and I still don't know how to take advantage of it.

Evil Spock

I can't help you much there. But if you can get a girl maybe i can too!

Jezebelsriot said...

I actually think that was a great pick up line. One of the surest ways for a girl to get laid is to antagonize a potential one night stand and then get belligerently defensive. Break a bottle if you have to, guys totally dig that. You keep your eye out Romius, that girl might be a lady after my own heart. Make me proud!

Ps. Absolutely great job on telling her you were mocking her later. Those kind of chicks dig a man that want to fight as much as they do.

Jezebelsriot said...

Oh and no, why is your brother called cumcubes?

Romius T. said...

My brother poured his sperm into ice cubes and let his wife drink it because she never gave him head.

It has become mythology over at Keith and the Girl.com