Friday, February 02, 2007

Golf Tournaments are fun if you don't watch any of the golf.

I am too hung over to be blogging for you guys. And since my liver is shot I am way too nervous to take any Tylenol for the headache. I have no idea why all we have is Tylenol in the house when I am practically jaundiced.

I've been staring into the mirror and I can't tell if my eyes are just bloodshot or if the Heppatitus is acting up again. I promised to stop drinking real soon. As soon as I get laid.

You may be wondering how I paid for all the booze. I didn't. I got it all for free just because I attended some golf tournament.

If a guy walked past you and muttered "You're looking mighty Golfy today!" in a Wolf-Man Jack voice then you know the real me. I was pretty cute today. I got 12 hello's back. And I made a bunch of old men happy, when I wasn't pissing off Pro Golfers.

If you missed birdy on hole 10 because of me I want to say sorry, but I am not. You need to learn to play through the taunting. I am not going to shut up just because all the white people whisper shhh at me.

I never understood the fun of class based societies until today. Because I have always been the RIF Raff. But today I was in a corporate booth. Today I was one of the upper class. People came and cleared my plate as soon as I was done eating. Today people gave me free drinks.

Today I watched as you suckas couldn't get past the rope line and security to sit in a sky box and talk to George W. Bush. And wonder aloud "why his son stayed in Iraq when his father didn't."

And don't lecture me. It's not inappropriate to psychoanalyze the President in front of his dad. My drink card may have been punched 10 times at that point, but I was a Psychology major for 2 years at Mesa Community College. I've read Freud and Eric Fromm. So I think I can say with some authority what you can only speculate about.


Evil Spock said...

Ah, I'm going to try something similar at the Kentucky Derby with my friend The Collective.

Romius T. said...

Shall I reccomend you arelloking very horsey today?