Thursday, November 13, 2008

I only die on the inside

I noticed I had 2 additional followers on blogger today. I bet you'd think I was happy about that because all you ever hear me complain about is how I don't have enough of an audience to make any money blogging.

You'd be wrong. By now you should have figured out how I could gleam something negative from something positive.

Like I told Dave one of the new followers:

"Every time I am just about to quit this blog I get a little positive reinforcement and that keeps me going, or in another way it keeps me tied to this machine and slowly dying on the inside."

I guess what I mean by that is that if I can hide from the responsibility of life by pretending people actually care what I say then i don't have to go out into the real world and do something. And since my natural predilection is to not do stuff then you can see how blogging fits right into that.

I had a much longer post on this topic planned but I have to go to work in five minutes. I was going to tie all this into how I can't get a girlfriend. I was also going to talk about the crossroads and how a man eventually needs to define himself.

I was going to talk about how we all feel we fail to measure up to our potential, and in the end how most of us give up before we ever truly try. I was going to mention that most of us who feel good about ourselves are deluded and the measurements we use are those of society, and the society we live in is sick, so we shouldn't be using the goals we get from society.

Of course you all know that. You know it doesn't matter what kind of car you drive or whether you met your sales quota from last week. You know the empty life you lead. You understand that sitting down in front of the television is like squatting over the toilet bowl of life hoping to shit something edible out of your ass, and in turn only getting juicy, discolored shits.

You can't wipe the stains away from such weak stains. You can only hope to change your underwear. Either way unless you change your diet all you will ever get is weak shitting.

I guess what I am saying is that our society lacks fiber and therefore cannot produce the well formed shit we need to live a healthy and productive life. But I am not going to sit here and tell you that I know what a healthy and productive life means. And since I don't know what a healthy and productive life is, you could ask what my standards are for disowning my life or for attacking yours.

The answer is I haven't the foggiest idea other than some vague intuition, and since you might outscore me on a logic test I am going to stick to what I do best, and that is trust what I hear from my gut.

I know the last time someone told you to "trust their gut" you got conned into a couple of wars and a trillion dollar bailout of millionaires. But trust me. Not all guts are the same.

I know some of you are going to protest and tell me that even though you are not good people you occasionally do some good things. You drop change in the United Way cups. You volanteer at homeless shelters. But the good things we do are not connected to us in any meaningful way. That is because we divide the world up into fragements. We don't connect with each other except when we need to feel better about ourselves.

You will never be happy as long as you segment out your life. As humans we have some kind defect in our DNA that makes us want to submit to the whole. Most of the good things we do in life, most of the small joys we bring to others, are nothing more than our desire to live whole. To give up our segmented lives and be swallowed up by some principle (god).

I suppose if you are willing to do that you can be happy. The happy of goldfish. I don't know. I can't do that. I can't submit. I'd like to. I'd like all the darkness in my life to go away. But I don't think I can.

I'm late for work now.


Anonymous said...

I'm just happy to race to the end of every day so that no one expects anything of me.

That moment comes at about 10:47pm each night and lasts for approximately eight minutes.

What is this life you speak of? Segments?

Beloved Parrot said...

What a perfect post for the kind of night I've been having.

Thanks for putting it into words.

lucky charms said...

Thought this might interest you.

If Mr. Togepi has anything to say *sticks up middle finger* -- sit on it, asshole. A link to an article isn't an "annoying comment" so fuck off.

MR. T said...

Of course I have something to say!

Tsk tsk, looks likes someone is having a bad day; that wasn't very nice at all! But when you come back, you come back with a vengeance. By the way, that wasn't a very long retirement at all, LC. BIG surprise.

Now the only thing that would complete my day would be a comment from the new-and-improved-and-slightly-less-annoying cereal. Where are you Honeysmacks?

David Loeff said...

You know, if you had quit spilling your guts after about the tenth paragraph, than you probably wouldn’t have been late for work. So really you have only yourself to blame.

But that’s okay, cause I love you man. And that’s why I started following your blog. That and for possible backlinks to my own blog so I can make some money, too.

And you’re right when you say that society doesn’t have enough fiber. It doesn’t, and it should eat prunes.

But if you do find yourself at the crossroads looking for a definition, whatever you do don’t do what Robert Johnson did. Because if you sell your soul to the Devil at the crossroads at midnight, than you’ll probably die young even if you do become the King of the Mississippi Delta Blues.

Anonymous said...

My friend that you want to marry is going to be in Playboy next month. Just giving you a heads up.

Romius T. said...


I know it is considered tacky to like tucker max but I thought some of his stuff was funny.


you get 8 minutes? your kids are not doing enuff.

Mr. T

Picking on the cereals again? C'mon don't you know they are part of this balanced and nutritional breakfast?


I can't wait for the nudie pics@

beloved parrot:

thanks for the props. I dig alex.


Nice catch with the Robert Johnson. I introduced my friends to the blues back in 1988 or so when his collected tapes came out in a new edition. Red hot tamales are red hott!

Katie Schwartz said...

Romsky, You have a huge audience. Please, your followers adore you. How could we not? You're hysterical and so very wrong on too many levels.

Katie Schwartz said...

PS: That is not a backwards compliment!

Romius T. said...

I enjoy the back handed complimets,