Saturday, November 22, 2008

I neglet my audience

Some guy just knocked at the door. He woke me out of bed even though it was way after 12 pm in the afternoon. I thought about opening the door for him, but I did not have any clothes on, so I just watched him knock weakly at my door through the peep hole until he left, because that's the kind of guy I am.

I told you that story because I did not want you to think you are the only people I neglect. I neglect just about everything in my life and just about everybody I know. I know I've neglected you lately, and by neglecting my audience I don't mean not posting for a few days. I know you did not notice that. You probably enjoyed the break from me talking about my intestinal track and the strange discolored bowels movements it produces regularly. No I am talking about my review of the movie Sex and the City.

I designed this websites appeal to target an audience of 16 year old boys. I targeted 16 year old boys for the same reason all marketers target 16 year old boys. They are the number 1 market for disposable income in America.

I know a lot about advertising. I worked for an advertising company for 4 years before getting fired from it. I got fired because I showed up late to work all the time, and by late I mean I think I had 15 one minute tardies. I know what you are thinking, "You get fired a lot." I do. But I also got to have sex with one of the girls I worked with there, so I call it even.

I did not get interested in advertising just because I got laid at an advertising company. I've always been interested in Advertising. Ever since I was a little kid watching reruns of Bewitched. I wanted to grow up to be Darren Stevens and marry a hot blond witch and make up advertising slogans. My love for advertising was the main reason I started watching 30 something and is one of the reasons I love watching the best show on TV right now, Mad Men. So if you know where I can find season 2 on the internet let me know. I don't have cable so I have missed at least half of this seasons episodes.

I tell you all this so you can understand that my decision to post the video (below) of a young Miley Cryus riding around on her bicycle with her girl/pretty boyfriend to go get ice cream needs to be seen as a strategy from my marketing side. And if that does not convince you that I am not a pervert then you can tell yourself that I am the blogger version of French movies. I am all about coming of age stories and young love.

IF you know anything about French film you know what perverts the French are.

The modern world is absurd. Take the movie Water Lillies for instance. The director of this film lives a pretty good life in France. He has health care and critics who adore him for shooting scenes that are considered kiddie porn here in the USA. If you play the video you won't need to stream the movie on Netflix because you will have seen all the good parts of the movie.

The preview does not have any dialogue because there is not a lot of dialogue in the movie. Most of the dialogue consists of background noise while the camera focuses lovingly on the budding cleavage of its 15 year old stars. I think YouTube has at least 10 clips of the movie and that is because pedophiles use YouTube as a jack off portal the way you use google to stalk your ex boyfriend.

I am sure the film director is the media darling of France while I am shunned by the mainstream media in America all because I write fan fiction for Miley Cyrus.


KELSO'S NUTS said...

I saw MAD MEN. It was OK. Big problem was that they never used that era's greatest contribution to American English: the "Stew Zoo": bar or beach community where stewardesses colonize.

I didn't notice whether anyone said "let's run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it."

I liked PUTNEY SWOPE better.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

ROMIUS T: I just read one of your Larry King series which had the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes theme. That was Pro-Fessional football, Romius. For real.

One of my business partners who comments occasionally at HELL under the nom-de-blog "GARY'S BONER" had a similar theory but nowhere near as intricate as yours. He said that the difference between Katie Holmes (a terrible actress) and Mimi Rogers (a terrible actress) was that Katie Holmes was FULLY COMMITTED TO DOING WHAT WAS NECESSARY TO STAY THERE.

I have to unburden myself of another actress opinion I have which is bugging the hell out of me. I really think that SCARLETT JOHANSEN is the worst actress I've ever seen and she's cute, but just cute. I'll beat Phil Ivey heads up before I'll ever have a chance to fuck Scarlett Johansen but given the chance, I might just PASS because there are cuter girls available to me and I'd have the satisfaction of having PASSED on fucking the worst actress in Hollywood. Here are some other really bad ones in terms of talentlessness

PENELOPE CRUZ (in Spanish or English)

I just CANNOT suspend my disbelief watching any of them.

The ones I like who never get any fuckin roles are:


so they're not like super pretty silicone broads...they're always fuckin great in everything...I think I'd pay $10 plus the cost of a large popcorn, large soda, sour patch kids, and nachos for the privilege of NOT seeing SCARLETT JOHANSON acting.

new marvel said...

16 year old boys? I guess I have the sense of humor of a 16 year old boy. Fair enough.

You had a crush on Samantha from Bewitched? I was a big fan of Nick at Nite. I liked Ricky Ricardo, and Major Nelson from I Dream of Jeannie. They're both old as balls now, though.

new marvel said...

Yikes. Desi Arnaz passed away before I was born. I guess I should retract the last portion of my comment.

Romius T. said...


Mad men is the bomb, I reccomend you give 30 hours of your life over to it. You must watch from begining to the end. The great thing about the show is how little happens on it. Esp. season 2. Almost nothing happens. you just have to get into the faux vide they are offering.

I am gonna have to second your opinion on scarlet johansen/cute with big tits. but not that awesome though obviously more awesome that I will ever get near

Love catherine keener. dated a girl who looked like her. love most of the girls on your list.

new marvel

I think its cute when young chicks know who jonny carson is....