Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I try to explain why I am the Sarah Palin of the blogosphere

I work late today. I won't start work until 6 p.m. Which means I have plenty of time to post a blog entry for you. I know you can't tell from reading them, but most days it takes me a good 2 hours to write a blog entry.

Some of you have been lucky enough to stumble upon one of the rough drafts I write rather than the finished project. I usually post "the rough draft" to see what it looks like "live" on the blog. I then go back and read the draft 6 or 7 times. I try to catch basic grammar and spelling mistakes and fix them before most of you read the draft and assume that the rough draft is the final version. The whole process can take an hour or two. So you can see that I am putting way more effort into than you think.

I try not to make it look like I don't work hard at this blog because I know it just adds to your conception that I am somehow a genius who just cranks this stuff out without trying so you "just know" that someday when I start trying this blog will take off and all the talent I am hiding from the world will be finally showcased for all to see.

I hate to break it to you, but I work hard on this blog. Harder than you have a right to expect from me. I know I tell you from time to time that I don't make the effort to edit this blog, but that's because if you saw how much effort it takes for me to make one post you would admire my determination for the first time, but you would come to realize that my dogged efforts are in vain.

So don't trust me when I say I don't take time to edit this blog. The truth is I take the time to edit. I am just too lazy or stupid to locate all the mistakes I make, and that makes me insecure, because some of you are smart enough to catch them, and then I worry that my dyslexia makes me look stupid.

You think I don't have dyslexia because I don't make some of the classic mistakes that dyslexics make. But you are wrong. I have a strange case of dyslexia where I sometimes place 'the predicate before the subject' like I was speaking in Chinese or something even though my Mom is not Chinese and my parents hate foreigners.

I make the same mistakes when I talk to people in person, and if you have ever had the displeasure of speaking to me, you probably noticed how I placed words in strange places during our conversation. I am shy and uncomfortable around people, but I can fake being outgoing by making outrageous comments. If you are around me long enough you might notice that I am slightly autistic with a case of the Asperger Syndrome.

I don't get dyslexic when I am on one of my rants, or when I am making use of one of my funny voices, or during short bursts when I cast my sardonic insults at you, which is why I usually just stick to making fun of people, because making fun of people allows me to release the tidal wave of my intellect, like clitoral stimulation releases the frothy mixture of sweat and vagina juices from your swollen pussies.

But ask me a question and try to get me to tell you something in a straight forward logical way and I will end up sounding a lot like Sarah Palin at a news conference with Katie Couric. Which is one of the reasons I never jumped on the bandwagon like the rest of you and assumed that Palin isn't smart because when questioned she gets flustered and starts vocalizing all over the map. Maybe Sarah is just Autistic like me which I guess explains why she has all those mongrel children.

Not that I am defending Sarah Palin mind you. I figure she has an I.Q. around 110 which is pretty normal for a somewhat college educated white woman. Sarah is about as smart as the women I meet at community college which is to say not very bright. On the other hand if you give her the answers she might be able to follow along with you as you explain concepts like "exceptionalism."

Not that she'd retain any of that knowledge in any useful way other than maybe being able to select the correct answer in a multiple choice test. She would not be able to use complex scientific theories or philosophical ideas to interpret the world, and those ideas could never inform her world view. She is stuck with "common sense" and digestible forms of tautological nonsense which make sense only in hindsight and who's wisdom offer us only truisms.

That is why the average 'man in the street' loves her (well that and her big tits) because she is using the same dimheaded lamp post to guide her thinking that most people do.

If Sarah had paid attention in school she would not have to be told by her handlers that Africa is a continent, and maybe she could have gotten around to trying to memorize some of the names of the leaders of that large country (er, continent) instead of trying to digest a lot of basic information that smart people know without trying.

I am not sure how I got sidetracked into talking about Sarah Palin, (I added the title to this blog post after I got sidetracked and the sidetrack became the post) but I guess it was because I thought you might like to know what it would be like to talk to me in person. And since we all know the character of "Sarah" you can have a good mental image of my communication style. Only all the words and sentences I would spit out at you Turret's Syndrome style would be connected to the point I am making, and all the facts I would use would be true, if just a little exaggerated for effect.

The whole point of this post being that I take a lot of time out of my life for you. Time that is rarely appreciated by you, or returned in favor. I never get credit for all my hard work just because you can can crank out a 2 page post in under 30 minutes. You can't conceive that something you read that only sounds like the verbal drippings from my stream of consciousness has to be made orderly and functional. "Orderly and functional." See I tend to repeat adverbs and stuff like Sarah does. Only when I write this stuff down can I catch some it and fix it. I think I will leave some of the stuff in in to get my point across to you and so you don't think this is just another example of my hypochondria going wild.

I'm having a hard time remembering what the hell this post was going to be about.


I drank a coke today for breakfast. In the past month I have had 2 cokes and 2 sprites. I was not worried about coke until today. Today's coke was quite good and I have to go pour myself an iced tea or I will be hooked on the caffeinated stomach acid juice again.

Lord help me. But I drank a glass of tea and I am ok. No more coke.


KELSO'S NUTS said...

ROMIUS T: I'm a semiotician from way back so I took your meaning immediately when you referred to yourself as "The Sarah Palin" of the blogosphere.

It's basically the same thing as my making you a favorite to win the "He Hate Me" Prize for 2008.

You're a bonehead, but you're a pretty fuckin smart bonehead and those who do "connect" with your "real" "American" presentatation really fuckin connect with it.

It's semiotics, allusion and connotation. That's all. I know your IQ is over 140 and that you think the concept of "American Exceptionalism" except in that it has become an exceptional fascist/Stalinist state is total bullshit.

Like me, you love to needle and cajole, to hate and be hated and most of all lead with your chin.

I've cut the price on your, by the way, for the HE HATE ME PRIZE from 8/5 against to 3/2 against. I'm 9/2 against. Fairlane is 5/1 against. Torrnce Stephens is 7/1 against. Fred Schwartz is 4/1 against. Graves is 8/1 against. Tengrain is 10/1 against. Johnny Wingnut is 15/1 against. The Boss is 6/1 against.

KELSO'S NUTS said...

I'm going long the Bush-Palin IQ spread and short the McCain-Palin IQ spread