I get panic attacks

I had to leave my wife because she could not live with my panic attacks. Like the panic attack I am having about having throat cancer right now. she never worried with me. she always told me that my worries were "nothing" and that I was ok and I did not need to go the doctor and even when I bleed and need 9 stitches* she had more important things to do than wait around the emergency room with me, like laundry

*Every time I have ever needed stitches i have needed 9 stitches. weird, huh?

I always know when I am having a panic attack. When I am panicking any noise I hear:

revs me up/bothers me/aggravates me/startles me/panics me/disorients me.

I feel something at the bottom of my throat. When I apply pressure to the outside of my throat near my clavicle I feel a bump or pressure. It also hurts like I have the mumps or something.*

*These things are real, but there is no point in panicking about it.

writing about my discolored bowel movements had gotten me to think my health too much, and now I am sure that I have cancer. that ignoring all that green shitting is going to come back to pay me in the ass. (sorry bad pun. god I hate puns.)

I am going to have problems swallowing tonight I think. Maybe acid reflux causes cancer. yes I seem to remember reading that somewhere. the doctor will tell me i have a 50% chance of living. I hope she is cute. I hope she lets me cry. I hope I am tuff enough to win, to beat out cancer even though being tuff has nothing to do with beating cancer.