Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Nobody likes fat chicks


A fat chick was complaining today how nobody likes fat chicks. She told me how she went on Match.com and looked at the preferences on every profile, and the men said,  "they wanted slender, not fat."

Fat chicks love totalk.  They also like to eat.  This fat chick liked to combine both of her favorite hobbies.  She talked the whole time she was eating.  She talked to no one in particular, but sometimes she talked to me, at least she talked to me in between taking bites of her pizza and gulping down liters of beer.

The fat chick told me that she won "lots of money at the casino" and wanted everyone to overhear it. I guess she hoped that if her incredible eating prowess couldn't win you over, then maybe some good old fashioned cash would.

She talked about getting first class tickets on a real live locomotive train and hotel tickets for the Queen Mary. I have no idea why the fat chick prefers old school transportation like trains and luxury liners, maybe she is too afraid that a plane would crash on take off with such a big fat ass aboard.

I hate fat people on airplanes more than I hate muslims on planes. Though I am pretty sure the muslims that get on airplanes these days aren't up for trying shit. But if I were on a plane with an overweight, fat chick sitting next to me, you can bet your fat ass that we would all be headed into the ocean, and that's assuming the plane could get going on any kind of forward motion.

I only ate half my pizza that night because I wanted to set a good example for the fat chick on how to eat. But I don't think she noticed me at all. She seemed pretty oblivious to anything except for blabbing on about her life in excruciating detail like anybody gives a shit.

It was just when I noticed that the fat chick wasn't paying any attention to me that I discovered that a waitress from across the room was. It turns out the waitress used to bartend over at T.G.'s about 3 years ago.

Tegan is a real beauty. Tall, skinny, with dark hair and an attitude that says she doesn't realize how hot she is. I guess she could be fooling me with her charm and sense of humor. But she really works at getting you to like her, almost as hard as the fat chick sucking down hot wings and booze, only Tegan never had to, she's so hot, you'd like her if she spat poison at an open wound. Which I guess brings me back to my original point. Nobody likes fat chicks.

16 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

My late brother loved picking up fat chicks in bars because they were such easy lays. He'd pick up one, do her, dump her, and then go back for another before the night was over.

Romius T. said...

your brother lived the right life then!

fairlane said...

Dr. your brother must be one strong dude if he can pick up fat chicks (Insert drum roll here).

Remember, they're not "Fat Asses," they have "Big Bones," or a "Gland Problem."

In the worst cases, they have both.

fairlane said...

Change the first part of my comment to past tense.

NFCanonymous said...

I hate fat chicks too. So much so that I've created a website about it. Check it out.
http://www.ihatefatchicks.net

Anonymous said...

you guys who made comments here probably are not getting any kind of women, fat, thin or whatever.
a man who hates any type of woman hate all women at all...


hanna

Anonymous said...

That's disgusting.
People like you = why most fat girls are depressed, develop eating disorders or kill themselves.
I hope you're happy.

Anonymous said...

you sound like a ugly little wuss who lives in his mommy's basement, grocery boy, fantasizing that women who so much as look at your ugly ass have some sort of misguided attraction to you. dream on you pathetic little worm.

Anonymous said...

All these fat ugly women god! Instead of going to the gym, they argue on the net. Hanna is fat and a loner so ignore her please. Go work out for once. You develop these eating disorders then blame it on thin people.
Fat People = jealous And immensely unattractive. Only a loser would date them. Fact of life.

Christine Satterfield said...

U ppl r small minded n sick!!! U need The Lord in ur life mayb that will help u!!! Doubt it tho!!!

Christine Satterfield said...

Ppl that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones either n I'm sure none of y'all r perfect!!! I can't stand shallow ppl but unfortunately our world is filled with them!!! Grow the **** up n get a life ppl are more than wats on the outside...n when more ppl realize that we will all b better off as a whole!!!

Romius T. said...

Christine, once you lose weight you will find out what the world has to offer you, and it won't be fairy tales for grownups. If you look for the truth you will see your bible has none. Good luck in your journey. And more luck wishes to keep those delicious snicker bars from your tummy!

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Anonymous said...

Hello, I am a fat chick and thank you for motivating me to starve. Thank you so much. I promise I will do my best

Aquarius Moon said...

The last response is manipulative and plainly a guilt trip. Stop your victim 'woe is me' garbage.

Electrician said...

The story telling it's funny,but god we humans suck