Friday, February 01, 2008

I'm on a health kick. I donate air time for a public service announcement.

I think it all started when some good looking guy went through my line buying hormone free milk. His hot girlfriend complained about the 30 dollars they just spent. "Because you need organic milk." She said.
I told the guy I thought buying organic was a good idea. "You don't want all those hormones in your milk. 10 year old girls get puberty early because of that shit." I figure if I start eating like this guy does I will be as good looking as he is, and I can have a hot girlfriend who complains about the cost of eating healthy. Those are my dreams, and I don't apologize for my dreams.

The doctors are worried about me. So now I am buying organic milk that has plant extracts in it. It's supposed to lower my cholesterol which is like 500 right now. I also bought some yogurt that has fiber in it. 20% of the fiber I need everyday in one little jar of yogurt. Not bad, because I have no idea what to eat in order to get the fiber I need. The only thing I know that has fiber in it is celery and sunflower seeds, and you can't eat celery in every meal.

All I know is that no matter how much health food I eat it doesn't matter, because all I do is add the health food to all the bad food I eat, and all those extra calories have to go somewhere, and by somewhere I mean my ass. But at least my bowel movements are little more solid. So who cares if I fart all day?

I thought I would add these public service ads to this post because for some reason this blog attracts a lot of attention from the perverts in the world selling beds called the Lolita to teen girls.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Sure, those girls are cute but they're no Miley Ray Cyrus.

Evil Spock said...

Those posters are creeeeepy.

Oh, and buy whole wheat bread and eat apples.

Romius T. said...

u sick bastard doc

I forgot apples but got the bread!

absurdist said...

whole wheat doesn't work as well as 100% whole grain.
but red apples are chock full of shit producing power.
and if you haven't - switch from vegetable oil to olive oil. it's a wee pricier but well worth it in regards to lowering cholesterol

Romius T. said...

100percent whole grain, but who can find that? Does anyone make that for bread?

I love olive oil!Thanks absurd

Freida Bee said...

You are also in luck Romius because I am like the fiber queen, but you may never know that because I am posting way the fuck back here in an old post and who checks those for comments? Beans are the best and they are another possible source of farting power. Brown rice, fruits and vegetables, spinach, lettuce, etc. are generally good. You work at a grocery store. They have 100% whole grain foods there. The other thing is avoid bad shit, foods with no fiber, generally. Don't eat white breads (sugar's not good either) and minimize the meat (no fiber in it or dairy products - unless it's been added) and mix it with fresher stuff with fiber.

oranges, potatoes, things with peely parts and menbranous stringy parts (like oranges,) that skin of the bean, potatoe peels, things like that have a lot of fiber. I get these sun-dried tomato bagels at the grocery store which they report have 15g of fiber. I know they have to be lying. The daily amount recommended is 20-25 and the FDA always is too low on that shit. You gotta take care of yerself iffin' we's gonna go in yer El Camino to Vegas.

Romius T. said...

mmm. knowledge is almost as tasty as the dried up bread and fiber related foods you have suggested to me. Tell me o wise one, Where Does wendy;s fit in this fiber-o-rama of yours?

Freida Bee said...

99 cent menu: salad, baked potato (at least with the greasy shit.)