Saturday, February 02, 2008

I am better than Henry David Thoreau. The IRS steals my refund.

I don't like paying taxes. And it's not because I am some kind of Internet superstar that could start his own blogger commune and collect millions of dollars from all my silly followers. I don't like paying taxes because I am poor. I don't think people earning less than 12,ooo dollars a year should pay taxes.

A second reason I don't pay taxes is because I don't support the war. And stop trying to sell me those "I heart the troops" stickers. I don't support the troops either. If you want to be patriotic you don't have to go around killing women and babies, you could volunteer at a polling booth this year. If you started volunteering at polling booths I could vote faster. The old people at my voting place are the near dead and slow as hell. They keep telling me that it's a shame that "Jack" Kennedy died. And I keep telling them that only assholes try to fly at night when they aren't instrument trained.

Even though I don't like paying taxes, I still file them. Unlike my hero Henry David Thoreau, or my new hero, action movie star and 16th Amendment to the Constitution of the United States denier, Wesley Snipes. I file my tax return because I expect to get a tax rebate.

But that shit is about to change. I just got a letter in the mail from the Treasury Department telling me that they were gonna take my refund, all 308 dollars of it, and apply it to my student loan. First of all I haven't graduated from college. So asking me to pay for the tuition is like asking me to pay for a half eaten apple. If I took a bite out of the apple and discovered that it had a worm it it, I wouldn't have to pay for it at the grocery store. I don't see any difference here.

Credit card companies are evil, and credit card companies are owned by banks, and banks cheated student borrowers out of billions, so I don't feel any moral compassion for Salie May, or whoever the fuck I borrowed all that money from to go to community college. Last week some guy made fun of me for going to community college in the first place. Then he gave me a brochure for Al Collins Graphic Design School. I got accepted and I can't wait to begin drawing for a living.

As pissed off as I am at the Treasury Department or the IRS for giving away my tax refund, the laugh is on them. I claimed exempt for most of the year. So I only paid about 80 dollars in federal income tax. Most of my tax rebate consisted of an "earned income credit" for being poor. The government gives about 300 dollars in EIC money to single people who earn less than 7000 dollars a year. The IRS thinks it collected 300 dollars from me towards my student debt, but in effect all the IRS really did, was make this months loan obligation for me. Just call me the Henry David Thoreau of the Gulf War.

Thanks, Uncle Sam.

6 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I paid my old defaulted student loans with my credit cards and then I stopped paying my credit cards. Sure it fucked my my credit rating but they have to write my bad debt to them off in 7 years so I figure I got the best of all of them.

Romius T. said...

That's the best advice I have head in a while. I may try it! lol.

DCup said...

I'm thinking you should reconsider the blogger commune thing. Of course, we're all of varying degrees of servitude or fucking broke, so you'll need to find some followers who are either republican bloggers or just not bloggers to be your followers. Be sure to get them to rid themselves of their earthly possessions on ebay with the paypal going directly to you.

Fucking student loans. I like Dr. MVM's idea. Check out the current nasty-ass rules of bankruptcy, though. When we went that route, we thought we'd be clear of it in seven, now it's ten. At the end of ten? Who the fuck knows.

Thanks for the link. And I've got your RSS feed and I use it all the time in naughty ways.

DCup said...

Oh, and we didn't think to do the brilliant switcheroo of putting loans on credit cards before we did our bankruptcy back in the late 1990s so we're still saddled with those motherfucking notes. They can't be included in bankruptcy.

What a shitty investment those bastards were.

Okay, done bitching and cussing on your blog.

fairlane said...

Owning a chain of Meth Labs is turning out to be quite profitable, and no taxes.

Fuck credit cards. Cash only or piss off.

Romius T. said...

I've got to get me a franchise in the blogger commune world or the meth lab world!