Miley Cyrus has a sexy new video out and I think you should check it out. And by check it out I mean masturbate to it. Unless masturbating to minors is illegal in your state. In which case I would never suggest doing things that are illegal, because from what my attorney has told me, "even suggesting to someone that they should do something illegal, can itself be illegal."
Well, isn't that a bitch?
All I can say about "that" whole idea is "that only a lawyer would come up with an idea like that." I mean just telling someone to jump off a roof when you're six shouldn't get you in trouble- even if you are the older brother.
I thought the little fucker could fly, or in any case at his weight I figured the fall would do him no harm. Like a lady bug that gets dropped from a tall plant and falls harmlessly to the ground.
I mean it's not like I had a degree in physics in the sixth grade, and I am sure my brother was old enough not to have to listen to me.
He had free will!
(According to my Pastor who spoke in my defense-god love him!)
Either way, now I have to walk around with a felony on my record. The only thing worse is that I am made to suffer from the constant watch of the authorities (all because I am the number Google search for FUCK THE FBI BY BUYING AN SVU ON CRAIGSLIST.)
Is it me or do things not seem fair in the universe?
On to less fair shit...
I'm gonna be losing my phone and internet service, because I have a lazy and incompetent roommate who avoids work like I would avoid you on the street.
In addition to the LRS (Lazy Roommate Syndrome) I have no money because I have 2 garnishments on my wages. Which is just another way of saying that if I was a naturalized Pakistani you might not want to cell me any fireworks or alarm clocks if I drive up next to you in a tinted Land Rover.
I prefer Land Rovers.
What can I say?
How about I promise that if you give me money I will buy a Land Rover, but even if I get it the windows tinted (I live in Arizona) I will not go out of my way to blow shit up.
So if in the next few weeks or months you notice I am not blogging it all has to do with the fact that I can no longer afford basic cable, phones, or even the internet.
Send me your cheap laptop!
I will need something WiFi because I plan on sleeping at the local 24hr WhataBurger, because at least they have air conditioning, and I don't because I don't have an extra 300 dollars a month to buy electricity anymore.
Are we happy Capital One?
I bet you are you fuckers!
Did I read that the SVU terrorist wanted to blow up the financial center of NY just like in Fight Club?
Maybe we should have given that guy a tutorial on ignition switches.
p.s.
Happy Miley Cyrus Masturbation Day to ya!
3 comments:
I JUST saw her new video and hot-footed(fingered?) it over here to tell you about it. I should have known that you would have already seen it. Don't you think she's getting a little old for you? Alos.."Poverty sits by the cradle of all our great men and rocks all of them to manhood." ~Heinrich Heine
bummer, man
Hilar, Steph and yea she is getting to old for me,,,gosh she is 17 almost 18 now and is basically Britney Spears...kind of a hot video though if she were cuter and younger or something,
and I guess your other comment means I get to be one hell of a man soon cuz im gonna be broke as hell this summer which means no awEsome summEr for mE. Which also sucks for mE.
BP (do you hate your new nickname? just cuz of oil spillz?
it is a bummer!
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