Like a middling rock band past their hey day you sit and type into your computer. Like those rockers you have no expectations, and nothing to prove. You know no success will come of it.
But you are not worried about the future. You never have been. The future is not real. You are Zen Buddha, motherfucker. You live only here... in the now.
But somewhere in the 21st century "living in the moment" got mixed up. You don't feel authentic even with the freedom to do nothing.
If you had any passion you'd get really angry about the second wage garnishment they just slapped on your wages. You'd go after those fuckers, or at the very least you should have put up a fight and gone to the hearing.
You could have put on a show at that court house. You could have wasted hours of the court's time talking about the shady practices of loan companies like credit card companies and student loan providers.
You. The victim of scuttle bucket efforts. Vain attempts to remain solvent in these decadent times.
But what is that sliver of truth that cuts at your mind just as you get the righteous anger of the indignant? Is it that you owe the money? That the markets and justice system are right? That society has sanctioned you, and you should accept its judgement?
Don't we live in the best of possible worlds? Who are you to cry white man? Don't the silent just whimper and die? Don't the starving masses wish for your life.
Have you not yourself asked others to get mad about something important and not the naked self interest that sits behind the mask of self pity?
"That's not a call for impotence." Some part of your mind reminds you. Funny. Some part of you mind demanding reason from you. But you are used to ignoring that part of your mind. Even the neurons that clamor for your attention in some Minskiesque show down realize how futile such a request is for you.
No. You are way past learning from your mistakes. You are just a wagon on the road. The wagon goes where the road does. Newton works his magic here.
Karma is a lot like undisturbed momentum. Maybe that's why you hate Karma so much.
Fuck Karma. Fuck responsibility. Fuck the little magic man in the sky for not coming down to save you.
And most of all. Fuck the momentum of it all.
3 comments:
really really liked this one. BTW weird you caught that look in the dog's eyes...he flinches when you try to pet him..somebody must have beaten him. Which is actually apropos of your post.
I'm very sensitive it appears....
Great read tthanks
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