Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I should have put a ring on it

I'm sure you've all seen the latest video making headlines around the world.  It features a group of 7 year old's dancing to a routine they call "All the Single Ladies."

Some say that the dance routine is "pretty out there."  Though it does validate my idea that I should buy a van and get a personal license plate that says "Ilostmypuppy" because nobody will care.*

I'll get away with my idea as long as I can suggest to the public that what I am doing is some kind of "art display" and that the kids have a "good time" in the back of my van playing with all the masking tape and making construction paper dogs while we drive around looking for "their" lost puppies.

White Man, I don't understand how any of you can still get upset about social problems when you've got 7 years old's being nasty but being cheered on by their pedophiliac parents.  But I guess white people are a lost cause.

What about the Mexicans?  A reader of mine asked me to share my thoughts about the whole anti-immigration stance Arizona's government has taken recently.  I bet he thought I was as upset about the craziness as he was.

But frankly, I was just surprised by his question.  Arizona has been anti-immigration for so long that the latest craziness is  just lumped together with all the other shit  Sheriff Joe does like his raids on public libraries and the constant "rat tat tat" of the right wing machine gun in this state.

What you brown skin sympathizers need to know so as not to worry is that The Right Wing is "fighting back" only because the brown people are slowly winning over the state and that inevitable victory is what gets the white people living here  antsy.

None of this will matter soon, because all the white people will just move to Utah anyway.   I just hope I haven't alienated enough of the white race that they start to consider me "brown too" when they begin their slash and burn retreat to Utah.

I have no idea what White people plan to do after they surrender Arizona, but I am guessing it involves thousands of pounds of fertilizer.  I guess that because as a white man in Arizona (under the latest law) I am required to keep a few hundred pounds of fertilizer in a storage facility.  The government pays for everything, so I don't mind.

And the only people who seem to mind the new law in Arizona are the Mexicans.  They show up a few hundred or few thousand strong at marches and demonstrations.  But they are just pissed that Abulita might get tossed back to the dirt floors of her pueblo.  "Her bare feet scratching on the floor."

Nobody cares otherwise.  People make jokes to their Mexican friends about taking their i.d. with them.  But no one I know yet has been really hassled.  Though you will see the occasional alarmist pretend that he got pulled over and asked for I.D., but since the law has yet to be put in effect I am sure the people telling stories about driving while brown are just looking for attention and sympathy from the 6 liberals that live in this state.  And frankly it's kind overwhelming at this point, so can you please wait for the law to get in effect before you complain to me.

Also, you need to be placed in jail before I am going to get upset.  But don't expect any sympathy from me when NaNa gets sent back across the border.  She was never legal, and I have no idea how she qualified for food stamps when my broke ass making 14,000 dollars a never did.

You may want me to sympathize with your plight and join your marches because, "she has been in the USA for 50 years," but she still speaks broken English.  (Though she made me some awesome tortillas the other day!  Thanks NaNa!) But the thing is I don't even protest against the shit that effects me.  Why I am going to stand up for you, Jew-boy?

Unlike the liberal outsiders I am not going to worry about proposed bills from the Arizona legislature.  Heck, every year some idiot proposes some new law.  Like the guy who thought it was a good idea to allow people to take guns into bars and clubs.  You know to curb drunken violence.  I am sure that law worked.  I hardly ever get shot at now when I go drinking because all the gangsters now think that the rednecks are carrying concealed weapons too!

One more victory for white America.

But like I said we all know this is the "end game" here.  The Mexicans may have lost the shooting war, but they are way better prepared than the white man for the population war.  The Mexicans will continue to breed like good little Catholics who have never heard of Trojan condoms, and the only hope white people have of maintaining their customs is to marry some of the lighter skinned Mexican girls who feel dirty when they get in bed with a dark skinned Latino.

The truth being that Mexican women love white men more than any other race.  This is a fact that I can speak to personally.  My store location is 40% or more Mexican, and I get looked up and down by the middle aged Mexican women they way I look at...well let's not worry about who I am looking at...just know that these girls can't get enough of me and I have to beat them off with a stick.

So don't worry White Man.  Sheriff Joe is not going to arrest you.  And most likely that law wont pass muster and the Supreme Court will not allow Tempe cops to arrest NaNa.  She will continue to sell her tortillas outside the grocery store, and and maybe some of her cute nieces won't get fat (if you inculcate the snobby white girl attitude into her that you love so much), and while that means they won't cook or clean for you, it does mean they will be a little dirtier in bed than your white ex wife, because we all know immigrants bring their loose morality and their  indigenous promiscuity to the bedroom.  Just pray you don't get the Aztec STD as I hear it takes a blood sacrifice to get rid of that one.  And I hear the blood sacrifice involves 7 year old's and a strange fertility dance routine.

What I am saying is that there is no reason to panic about Race wars.  Just go back to playing the Atari 2600 or if you parents are lucky enough to have bought you the 5200 then play with that.  That's what I am going to do.  That is until I am outnumbered and outgunned.  Then I unlock the storage faculty, and hop on a bus to Utah, where we have a decent pro basketball team (even if we do have  few more black people on it that necessary!)

*Best thing about the Mexican takeover?  The 7 year old dance troupe video will be on prime time TV and all the grandmothers will gush how cute it is! I'm thinking Governor Terminator outta just let Arizona be the land of the pedophiles.  He don't need that whole island thing when the culture that is taking over already sexualizes their children to the point that most hebophiles get uncomfortable.


thimscool said...

You are relentless because We are relentless. I like that.


Romius T. said...

I like that explanation too

Anonymous said...

Romiust! I love it! Now maybe you should do a local talk show

veach st. glines said...

This is the best rant ever. And you super-sized it gratis! Thank you for warming the cockles.

Steph said...

THIS is my all-time favorite. Driving while brown..I'm trying to think who I can pass this on to. Has to be someone special.

Romius T. said...

What Veach St Glines did not let you guys know is that I am taking requests to do my rants on. In theory I should pay you for helping me come up with ideas. But in reality if you want me to blog about something you are interested in it will cost you 10 dollars, it's my new strategy to make money on the blog.

Steph be careful you know how most of your friends react when you show them this

Farmacy girl...(I just nicknamed you) I may update the podcast with this rant (thats about as close as I get to local talk shows.)