Get up every morning and write. A good writer does.

I have found that the best time to write is in the early morning.  Not late at night like I usually write.

In the early part of the morning ideas spring to me like.  Well, like...I am not really sure.  I don't really write in florid tangles of prose and poetry.  So we won't bother  fleshing out that little metaphor.  Let's just ignore it and pretend that my choice was excellent.

Let us talk about what all male writers talk about.  Women.  Who are in one way or another always related to sex.  I get up in the morning thinking about women.  Mostly about sex with women.  But not always sex.

Sometimes I just imagine the girl of my dreams.  I imagine our conversations.  I think about the way she combs her hair, and we get in arguments about how she like Fruity Pebbles.

I think Fruity Pebbles are shit.  But she just goes on and on about how great they are, defending the strawberry milk they make.  Like somehow strawberry milk and cereal is a good idea.

I think not.  But I like chocolate.  So I guess you can call me a bit biased.  Go ahead.  I know you will.

I did not get up early today.  I am writing this late at night, violating one of the only principles I have found that might improve my writing.

I recall another principle of writing that I saw portrayed in a B-movie.  Write/Think in full sentences.  I agree.  It's a good idea.  Another good idea is to go very concrete. Think about something substantial. Write as specific as possible, and readers will always mistake the specific for something general, and the general is always confused with some higher spiritual principle.

One last tip?  Write conversationally.  Write the way you think and the way you talk.  Readers  will appreciate that you speak from the heart.  And anyway, readers have a way of sniffing out the phony.

At least usually they are good at picking out the phonies.  Unless you are adapt at appealing to some insecurity the reader has.  Reassuring her that everything is okay.  Then she will gladly look past your magic show.  She will encourage all your phoniness and it will grow to such proportions that it will explode outside the boundaries of irony into the melting pot of post-ironic sentiment that replaced true emotional depth for old fashioned moderns, and has begun to impose itself on those of you who are bored of ironic self detachment.

I am not yet so bored of being ironically detached.  I do not believe the movement has played itself out.  I think that only because I am sure that detached irony has hit on something deeper than "mere" playfulness, surface, and reference.

Irony is the post modern soul.  You see, even soulless men have souls, (or so they protest.)  And so it is the protest of irony, the call to end the conditions that require its existence (the rootless, somnambulistic, wandering of our selves) which keeps irony so vital.

Ironic.  No?