Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Think of your own titles. I'm sick of doing all the thinking for you.

I'm reading another book by Douglas Coupland.  In the book the characters list off a characteristics that they think makes them unique.

Like one of the characters in the book is a human lie detector.  Another character likes to make sock puppets.  It seems making sock puppets is the only way he feels safe enough to talk in public.

I'm not like that.  I don't have any special abilities.  I don't make sock puppets.  I don't collect boxes of masking tape in my van and run around asking 6 year old girls to help me find my lost puppy.

I don't have anything that makes me any different from you.

The protector mommy in you is probably crying out that, "we all have some ability, some trick that we can do."

But you are wrong.  I cannot sing, juggle, remember poetry off the top of my head, or even add simple numbers in my head.

I have no talents or abilities to speak of.

Maybe that's my talent.  My lack of really having any trick whatsoever.  I mean if you were to describe me using some short cut like, "He has a collection of 67 battle axes from the 13th century" your mind would stumble around dazed like it just landed from a 12 story building.

Good thing your brain lives in a cartoon world where it gets to be a superhero with superpowers like jumping from 12 story building and landing safely on the ground (being just a little confused.)

Your brain may be rubber, but it never stops bouncing around and it just might be safe from all the bumps and bruises the world is throwing at it.

I don't want to change the subject, but I don't remember how I got on this one in the first place.

Hold on.  

I just coughed.

Something tastes warm, like salty beach water in my mouth.

I better spit that out.

There.  I feel better.  I had to cough again when I was in the bathroom.   I coughed and spat another yellow, milky, mucus filled mouthful into the sink.  

My lungs are filling better already.

We should talk about something else.

You should note that I am not fishing for a compliment here.

The reason I tell you I have no talents is not for you to rush to my defense and tell me what a great blogger I am.  


What I am talking about is the kind of thing that is not really talent per/se.  It's the kind of thing people do to amuse other people at cocktail parties.

I don't know anyone who goes to cocktail parties and performs tricks, but I saw that kind of thing on the Dick Van Dyke show when I was a kid at it seems to me to apply to the world of adults or to the world of humans when you guys get together and get bored with each other's company and start doing stupid human tricks.

What I am saying is that I don't have any stupid human tricks.  

I guess I could have come right out and just said that, but it felt better to go this route. 

Sorry, if that bothered you.

Actually I am not that sorry.  

But you probably already knew that.

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