Monday, May 26, 2008

When I get skinny my internet girl friend will love me, until then I have you, and I don't need nuthin but a strip tease of lyrical bloggin to get u

I am writing this post at 1:30 in the am. Forget whatever the time stamp says at the bottom of this post. You can' t trust those things with me. I just cleaned my bathroom and did the dishes. I am in the middle of doing three loads of laundry, which is about all the laundry I have in the world. I drank two cokes today which is not as bad as it sounds to you as it about 10 fewer cokes than I drink most days.

I have a sudden burst of energy. I feel like I am only in my thirties today. Like I need to get something done. I want to do stuff and I don't know why. I have my headphones on and I am jamming to Metallica. I've been making up songs and singing them out loud, most of the stuff is rap style be-box. I wish I had thought of recording it for you, as you would be in on the little secret that I am a creative genius, and not just the most awesome blogger you know.

I think I will post comments to some of your blogs if get around to it. It's just I have not had a lot of spare energy to give out to you, and interaction with other people taxes my reserves. You would know that if you ever got around to reading the Meyers-Briggs profile I keep posting about myself. But today I have tons of extra energy and I want to share some of it with you- my brothers in blogging.

I think I have so much energy today because I am on a diet. I am eating healthier than normal, and I am avoiding as much extra sugar as I can. My Internet g/f is a fox and is a part of the glamorous set. Mixing with the beautiful crowd is not as easy as you might think even with a "get in free" pass for being her Internet boyfriend. My g/f wants me to lose thirty pounds for "health reasons" and she told me she will dump me if I gain even 5 more pounds.

I am filled with fear about gaining weight. Just recently I was up around 225 pounds. (ok 228) And that was with biking 30 minutes everyday to work and back. I stopped that shit as soon as I got the truck up and running so I have to double down on the not-eating.

I did that once when I was 18. I lost 30 pounds and got down to around 145 pounds. Back then You seriously could not catch me on the basketball court. I could shut you best player down with my intimidating style of defense. I get up in your face. You might beat me on occasion, but you could not match the intensity and energy I came with all game. I feel like that now. Like I don't need chocolate anymore. I am getting an eating disorder and I can't wait for the endorphins that get released from not eating. I think I will visit one of those internet Anorexia communities like thinspiration for some inspiration. I can't wait for my abs and my guns and my pecks to start popping. Then my internet g/f's girlfriends will be like "damn girl he turned out all hot and shit, way to go gurl!!"

When I get skinny and buff my Internet g/f won't have to be embarrassed of me, and I will take my shirt off at the beach, and I will volunteer to be skins when we play pick up basketball down at the park. I will stop getting picked last, and I will out rebound your ass on the low post. I don't care that you have 4 inches on me, and it won't matter that I have unusually short arms for my height. I will get the ball and I will make a move that you don't often see from a short white guy and you will have to explain your failure to score on me to your hot girlfriend who will probably masturbate to thoughts of me for going 4 for 4 on you. I feel sorry for you already.

Speaking of blogging, I can't wait to post my "Burn this Flag on Memorial Day" meme over at Bathos for the Misanthropic. I am headed over to Mesa tomorrow for a protest against The PREZ aka G.W. Bush. I think I will take my movie camera and maybe try and get a few pics of me burning flags and yelling at cops. Maybe I will get lucky and I will get a youtube worthy clip of me getting maced by some big ass storm trooper.


"internet g/f" said...

you are a jackass. i am laughing pretty frickin' hard at the moment. crazy man.

Freida Bee said...

I would comment on what you wrote if I were not so emotionally scarred by that video.

I am emotionally scarred.

Anonymous said...

all chicks should look like that b/c there's no such thing as too thin. that girl was a babe and i loved her bony, little body.

Romius T. said...

sorry for scarring you frieda!

Thanks igf!

that gurl is super creepy and way too skinny...did u see the hip bone? i think she needs a few fried twinkies!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Where did they find a living twig to put a bikini on? I'd rather stick my dick in hole in a 2 by 4 than fuck that thing.

Romius T. said...

indeeed doc!