Monday, May 05, 2008

I get creepy eyes from the swinger couple who drink way too much wine, I discover old people like them some donuts

Here are some random observations about my customers:

Old People Like Donuts

old people like donuts
and other than kids
I never see anyone else
buying donuts.

I wonder what will become of donut shops when all the old people die.

I get stalked by a couple of Swingers

I thought swinging died in the 70's like the American dream. But swinging didn't die, it just reinvented itself under its new name "the lifestyle."

There is a middle aged couple who shop at my grocery store nearly everyday. I know they drink way too much wine because they buy two big bottles every time they shop. They always make the same excuse that they have "company over" and are "entertaining." They both have that artificial boomer glow. They get a long of sun and so are way too tan. They always look like they are on vacation. The husband always wears shorts to the store. I don't think the man owns a pair of trousers. Their faces are rose colored from the burst capillaries like those of an advanced alcoholic or maybe a hobo from the great depression, and I am sure they are both potheads. The wife is so glassy eyed it's spooky to stare at her to long. The wife wears low cut tops and is heavily freckled from tanning, so I want to stare a bit.


They are nice. Way too nice. They thank me endlessly for bagging their groceries or swiping their store credit card so I can save them some money. They call me by my name and make a point of not looking at my name tag as they say it. They both speak to me in the sing song voice of a cult member. Everything is shiny. Everything is fun. "Everything is happier here." Their voices tell me. Maybe I can meet them for a drink sometime. Maybe I would enjoy one of their famous dinner parties. The lifestyle. It beckons.

Is it bad in America when people use Coinstar to pay for Top Ramen?

You can tell people are feeling the recession these days. Almost 30% of my customers use food stamps to pay for their items. Many people use coins and coupons to buy Top Ramen. I know people are doing what it takes to stretch their budgets and I am the last guy who wants to make fun of you, if you are buying Ramen with money from your coin jar.

But I don't understand the a couple last night that bought 200 dollars worth of grocery items, but they only had 66 dollars. The guy bought a water filter for 20 dollars, and then he tried buying groceries for the week. Basic math is essential here. He seemed genuinely surprised that you can't buy the entire store for 60 dollars. Hasn't he heard food prices are up?

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

so seriously... what's with the constantly changing photos of adrian grenier? anything you'd care to share with us, romius?

celebrity crush?

Romius T. said...

no comment

Fredrick Schwartz said...

First things first. They sound exactly like a couple I met in DC when I was alive and here's the nut. Go for it. The guy gets off having his cock sucked by the wife while you cornhole her. trust me on this one wear a jimmy and have the time of your life.

On the economic front . . .

We're going to link to you as a named source for rubber meets the road economic data. Our researcher are usually so glad to be back up there with the living they spend all night getting stewed and most of the rest of the day trying to clean their guts up out of the carpet of the hotel room. So for right now in your current occupation you are doing Hell a great service by writing about what you see going on economically in John McCain's home state.

If we come across any naked pictures of Cindy McCain, or any other hot cougars, you are first on our list to get 'em.

Anonymous said...

so it's a celebrity crush? you are scaring me here, romius. say it aint so!

Freida Bee said...

Oh, that was me and my husband, and Fredrickis right. You should go for it. Tell her, I mean me, you're into blondfolds and you can pretend you're bonin' what's his name, Adrian.

Freida Bee said...

blindfolds. That was a subliminal Cindy McCain slip.

Diane Tomlinson said...

It's hard not to make that slip Freida Bee because I'd be pickin blond hairs out of my teeth for a week. And I'm proud of that. And thinking about that made me forget the profound and witty shit I was going to say.

Anonymous said...

i wouldn't sweat it romius because i think adrian grenier is really hot too and i love his show on hbo. there is no shame in fawning over a really good looking actor.

Romius T. said...

Freddy,

I agree with you the guy loves to have his chick with another dude.

I can't wait for the topless pics of Cindy mcHotty CAin. I will try not to let you down on the economic front!

Frieda,
Glad you like blindfolds but how do youlike being wrapped in a green garbabge bag and tied up? I have no comment about the adrian thingy other than to say I am a push over for my internet g/f (Ia m not supposed to say that so don't go telling her I said anything other than his tv show is the BEST show on tv other than lost.

Diane I just love the idea of us having a fousome with cindy mccain!

I know who you are anonymous!

"internet g/f" said...

(i am the comment-queen today apparently)

don't be a liar! you have adrian grenier's picture up there because your alter-ego thinks he's smoking hot AND you said he is a superior actor. don't drag me into this, i don't even like him!

Romius T. said...

I am a liar. adrian is a smoking hot and a really superior actor, maybe you should rent his indepedent movie about him finding his dad. I did not intend to bring the IGF into this and she does not even like him!

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Everybody loves swingers, especially dry cleaners.

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