I'm working on me. Last night I bought a bunch of eye cream that will take away all the dark circles under my eyes. That way I can still stay up all night creating this awesome blog for you and I can still look beautiful for my new girl friend (you can call her the girl I am stalking) Kerry Howley.I am not as lucky as Fredrick Schwartz. My girlfriend is not an ex-hooker. And I don't eat "lox and bagels for breakfast."
I eat Little Debbie 6 packs of mini donuts for breakfast. Each 6 pack is deliciously fortified with 35% of my daily intake of saturated fat. With Little Debbie mini-donuts there is no need to run around looking for ways to get all your daily saturated fat. Just scarf 3 packages down for breakfast and your done. I say fuck dieting. Let's get as fat as the fat man.
I imagine this is how Kerry would look over Sunday morning breakfast of Little Debbie Donuts and the Sunday morning paper. I am sorry for using this picture Kerry. Forgive me?
I suppose it is no wonder that I don't have a girl friend. All I have is my adopted actor Kerry Howley. Kerry Howley is my idea of one hot woman. I love to watch the Fox News TV show Red Eye and I knew as soon as I saw Kerry on the show I would have to join Kerry Howley's fan club.
I just hope Kerry Howley remembers me. We chatted twice by E-mail and here is my chance to pay her back. I will flood her fan club with my visitors.
Go visit the Kerry Howley Fan Club at the Activity Pit.
****
Sir Frieda Bee has posted a response to the Zombie Jesus teXt message I left her.
It's just plain silly to see an Angry Lesbian like Frieda Bee get pissed off at me for calling her, "sir." That's like Peppermint Patty getting pissed when that little lesbian Marcy called her "sir."
Speaking of being pissed off at me. I am a little pissed off at myself for skipping ahead of the Peanuts day-at-a-time calender we have at work.
I skipped ahead 20 days on the calendar reading a cute story about Charlie Brown winning a prize for a drawing that Snoopy actually drew. I just figured out in this blog I am Charlie Brown, and that means you can stop reading this thing, because I haven't invented a new type of hero, I am just borrowing badly from the best loser ever crafted .
Sir Frieda, like Peppermint Patty, loves her some Charlie Brown but is in no way an actual bull dike like Patty's pal Marcy. I don't get how nobody figues Marcy for a dyke in the cartoon, but everybody thinks Patty is Lesbian just because she doesn't like showering or shaving and she has a mean fast pitch softball arm.
6:00 pm
I got home and turned on the NetFlix. I watched a movie called Little Children.
8:00 pm
I get a phone call. My ears bleed for 3 hours. But the blood was worth it.
11 pm
Poker night. I am down 170 dollars at one point and buy in for another 100 dollars. I catch a straight flush holding 5 and 9 of clubs on the river and make a big score and I get awarded 50 bucks for getting a straight flush. I end up 16 dollars for the night!
4 am
Home to bed. I forget to create a podcast or write the rest of this post and I don't have a text message from zombie Jesus ready, my bad....
4 comments:
It's that whole living on the edge thing that makes you so irresistible, you know.
Was I mad or were you for my calling you Ma'am? ;)
(Sir is far from the worst thing I've been called.)
Ah can hardly wait fer Z.J.C.'s reply. Ah hopes he's hardly waitin'.
I'm blowin' all my street cred with this thing, but I had none anyhow, so wtf.
It's about time you got a haircut. You hippy. ?
thanks dcup,
you so get me,,,
Sir FB
I thought you were fake blog mad at me for calling you sir, I need to get to bloggin but I am lazy..
Ear blood is always worth it.
Post a Comment