Monday, April 28, 2008

I fix batteries I move furniture, and I can beat up small infants, is there anything I can't do?

Man Day: Part 1 The most mantastic day ever

I woke up and watched the suns play the spurs and the suns won by 30 points and if you don't know that is some kind of good omen then you haven't recently rented the Mel Gibson classic Apocalypto. If you do rent it you will be happy to know that natives are a lot better off since the white man came. Now that I have watched it I no longer have any white man guilt over civilizing your race.

I fixed my battery finally after 2 full days of trying... spread over two weeks. Card Shark assisted if by 'assisting' you mean touching the battery with metal things to see if we were going to get electrocuted when we unscrewed the battery cable.

A quick Self Help Guide to taking out your car battery. Take your battery out during the day. It is a lot easier to see stuff in the light than at night. Also batteries are heavy so before you go to the auto store to purchase a side mount socket wrench extender make sure the battery is actually mounted into the car. If you use two hands and pull the battery up that means it is not side mounted and one handed you just have the arm strength of a girl.

Make sure you Internet g/f does not notice you struggling with lifting said battery out of place as this will only feed her belief that she can kick your ass if you got in a fight, and women don't respect men that lose fist fights to girls. I am not suggesting that you pick a fight with a girl just to show "how tuff you are" because women never give any credit to a guy who wins a fight between a woman and a man. No matter how tuff the girl is.

After replacing my battery I went with Card Shark to pick up a TV entertainment center. We lifted it in to the truck ok, but we had three guys to do the job. At home we had two guys to haul it out, and I was one of them, so it was really like one guy and one guy with 2 girl arms holding up wood cabinetry. At one point Card Shark asked me if I was "having a heart attack?" I told him I just turn a very attractive red color whenever I bend over or my head drops below my neck line. "It's white people thing" I told him and I think my answer satisfied him, because all he knows about white people he learned from me and Mel Gibson.

We finished the day off at Walmart and Home depot loading up on man tools in the event that we ever need tools again. My feeling was that we will never need more man tools, but Card Shark insisted that he was so inspired by our man day that he was going to build a bird house.

The only acceptable way of ending such a mantastic day is by cooking meat on fire. And that is what we did. We cooked large steaks, steaks big enough to choke a horse, and we cooked them on fire on the grill I made with my two very own girl hands. My ex wife and I spent 10 hours one weekend putting together that grill and maybe that is why we had to use a lit paper plate rather than the auto starter to light the fire. A fire ball worthy of the Fourth of July poofed forward nearly engulfing us all in flames, but it was worth it as the steak was tasty, a proper testament and finale to a very mantastic day!


Man day two finds me filling up my tank and getting an oil change. I washed my truck and bought a big gallon of Wild Turkey. Beware!!! homeless people if you see me gunning my engine for you. Make a run for it. I bet you won't get to the sidewalk in time.


DCup said...

Totatlly turned on. Totally.

Freida Bee said...

Can I touch your girl muscles?

(Be careful about cooking meat on fire (rrraar, manly) near that gallon of wild turkey, lest the manly stubble on your face get singed.)

Freida Bee said...

Oh, and I forgot to say thanks for feeding my mantasy.

Romius T. said...

ver glad I could give you fangirls some mantastic fantasy material

Anonymous said...

i'm impressed, but i could still beat you up.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Next thing you know you'll be joining a durmming circle and shouting about how much you want to kill your father.

Romius T. said...

touch my girl mucsles please frieda,

Doc that sounds terrible I hope you kill me first

anon we need to give you a name how about the c love one? But you have no chance just know that!