Instead I am trying really hard to convince my "fake" internet girl person to become my real life internet g/f. After that I guess we can get married on the Internet, because I am 37 and I can't imagine anyone finding me as attractive in real life as they do on the Internet, and I know this just sounds like complaining , or like I am fishing for compliments, but I live in real life 23 hours a day and it has been almost three years since a girl has asked me for sex in real life, and not a day goes by on the Internet that some girl doesn't ask me for cyber sex in some random chat room, or one of my fangirls e-mails me to tell me how cute I look in the spandexless fruit of the loom white panties they just sent me.
I know I really am awesome when it comes to being on the web. I have seen my competition and I know I am in the top 1% of dudes who frequent it. I make most of those guys look like the fatman from Youtube. That's not to say I don't look fat in real life. I do. But I am sorta normal looking and acting in real life in comparison to all you interlosers.
At least I can stop acting dorky in real life if I need to and that is something that most World Of Warcraft pant shitters can't. I am not making fun of the little gay nerd boys. I am basically a dweeb too, only I am older than you and in my time we played D&D and we never heard of things like photoshop and how if you take a webcam pic from a top down angle you don't look as fat as you really are.
We had to live in the real world so we had to try and fit in a bit more than nerds today, because we did not have access to the Internet, which told us to stay at home and shit in our pants so we can play Wii all day without a bathroom break, because 10 million other fags are doing it too. We had to go outside "and play" because our parents only had alcohol and cocaine not ZanaX so they noticed when we were around.
I've been getting all these random notes at work signed by "bunny" asking me if I "have seen the VCR." I had no idea rabbits were into such outdated technology, as that VCR shit is pretty weak, but I guess animals aren't as up to date with current entertainment technology as you and I are with our fancy HD/DVD players. I bought mine on e-bay from a guy in Botswana for only 2000 dollars. I feel bad for ripping the guy off, but he said he had AIDS and needed the money for medicine.
Either way I have seen the VCR again after not seeing it for awhile. I think I need to tell the bunny I was not the customer service agent that first accepted the VCR, someone else must have so I had no idea what to do with it, and that is why I left it there for the next guy who turns out to be really a girl really (and potentially the rabbit, but I am still investigating that.)
I know the story of the bunny makes no sense to any of you reading it and the only person who might understand it is the bunny. I am sure rabbits don't read my blog, but then again I would have bet that rabbits can't read or write and that they don't leave behind cryptic letters for me to decipher, just eggs and chocolate on Easter.
What might have helped was if I posted the letters I found for you so you could see them for yourselves and get freaked out about them like I did, but I forgot to bring them all home, so I can't post them as some kind of scanned pdf file, but let's face it how many of you really thought I knew how to scan a letter and make it an attachable PDF file for blogger? Probably none of you thought I could.
You'd be right of course. But fuck you.