Monday, April 21, 2008

I am slowly going blind, but at least I applied for government health care

I applied for government health care yesterday. I know having poor health is no good reason for this blog to have seen no growth in its readership in the 4 or so years that I have been writing it. At least my friend Doctor Monkey Von Monkeystein over at the Monkey Muck is popular. I don't know how to be popular.

Nobody likes me. It was like that for me in high school and the real world is just like high school only now I don't want to sit at the cool table I just want bash the heads in of every person I see who hates thinking.

I know I never talk about it, but I am sure I am going blind from the undiagnosed diabetes that I have. Things go fuzzy when I stare at stuff too long. Sometimes I find it hard to concentrate my vision on things, and I see black squiggly lines everywhere (like I am watching some kind of old timey newsreel) even when I close my eyes. When the eye doctor asked me about seeing the squiggly lines I lied, because I was afraid I was going to be told exactly how time I have left to see. I don't want to know. I want it to come to me all of a sudden like a great tragic surprise.

The real tragedy will be when I run over your kids playing in the street. Personally I think they had it coming, and you should just watch your damn kids a little more carefully, or at least train them not to play in the road. I guess you won't find out how much you love your kids 'till you are planting flowers every week at a roadside grave for them.

I try and treat you all like my friends (like Bill in the video above), so if you get offended by anything you read, that means you don't want to be my friend, which would make me want to cry, but I already have too many friends when I think about it.

I have so many friends that I think it is about time that I lose some of them. For too long I have been trying to package this blog to get me famous. I wanted to get famous on my terms though, so for the most part I never sold out and I kept writing about the things I wanted the way I wanted. Well it turns out that I can't get famous that way either, so I am through with the public and finished writing for them. From now on all I am going to do is write what I want, when I want, and what I want to write about right now is the slutification of Miley Cyrus.

Actually I don't want to write about Miley's slutification. I just want to gaze on it. My guess is that whatever happens with Miley's slutification was meant to. God has a plan for us all, and I guess part of that plan was for Miley Cyrus to expose her giant neon green bra to the world. I don't think the bright neon green bra is a good choice is underwear for Miley though.

All I know is that the neon green bra distracts me from gazing at the natural beauty of her sparkling green eyes. But no matter, the shine may be gone from those emerald green eyes of Miley, but at least nothing is wrong with that raspy voice of hers. Miley is Generation Y's version of Stevie Nicks, and you just can't jettison that kind of talent away, even when it is wrapped in the arms of prepubescent boys.

I know that you are thinking: "that I am being particularly nasty to Miley Cyrus for no good reason." It might be that I am just out of caffeine free things to drink and it's 3 am. I went to the fridge anyway and got my soda and I am drinking caffeine even if it means I won't fall asleep tonight.

My allergies are also acting up and I am tired of blowing my nose into the newspaper. I can't afford tissue paper so I am stealing my neighbors newspaper again, only this time I am not stealing the paper to read, but to wipe my snot away. Since I am tired of wiping the snot from my nose I have just decided to let it run down my face until it falls and crusts on my t-shirt.

Maybe I am just bitter. Maybe what Romius T needs is a girlfriend.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Slut Miley is popular, I'm just some fat bastard people like to read so they can make fun what I write later.

Romius T. said...

Hey that's why I read you not why other people read you. Though I noticed that I did not make your blog's recap. I am not saying I am sad about that but I did try slitting my wrists.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I apologize for leaving you. If it's any consolation the post before this one is going in my "Blog post by other people Hall of Fame."

Romius T. said...

Oh please I was just giving you a hard time there Doctor Monkey Von Monkeystein!

Heather said...

I'm your friend.

Romius T. said...

thank you heather and now you are my friend too. That means I will link to your blog!!