Thursday, June 28, 2007

I pedal

I stole another newspaper today. I am not going to pay 50 cents for the news. The valley has a terrible newspaper. I've done my neighbor a service. He won't have to read that dribble today.

Everyone's girlfriend is cute today. At the Circle K a teenager was dressed in cut off shorts over a pink bikini. A Mexican stood on his truck while getting gas and yelled at the traffic. I watched him as I pedaled away to Wendy's.

The hippy girl at Wendy's in her green top and boot cut jeans looked nice. She had a plain face and short hair. I didn't mind. Even though I don't like women with short hair. I have a rule. I won't date a women with shorter hair than me. I keep my hair very short because I am going bald. Going bald has opened up an entire new world of women for me.

I daydream a lot. I dreamed that I could get paid to blog about eating so much at Wendy's. They would send me a card for free meals and maybe an extra few hundred dollars a month. I would get write ups in the New York Times. I would write lurid fan letters to Wendy. I imagined fucking her in that rag doll outfit of hers.

A sweaty young black man asked me for a dollar. He had brought his younger brother in to the restaurant with him. Maybe he was going to show him the ropes, let him learn from his older brother how to beg for for a living.

I dug into my pockets and found 4 quarters for him. He left after I gave him the money. He told me he needed the money to buy food. He said it was hot and he was thirsty. He said he was going to buy his food next door. I don't think I believe him. On second thought I guess I do believeh him, I am just a little pissed that a vagabond would have better taste than eat in a place like Wendy's.

I bought the $2.99 meal because I am low on funds. I wasn't going to buy any more fast food. I was not going to buy the newspaper either. But I compromised. I decided to buy the cheapest meal on the menu after I stole a paper.

I pedaled home. I eat too much at Wendy's. I was planning a fourth of july party, because no one will burn flags with me. I had spent the previous 7 hours cleaning for the party. I did dishes. I swept the floor. I threw out trash. I listened to UFO loud on a Karoke stereo. I needed a break.

So I pedaled to Wendy's.

5 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

"I stole another newspaper today. I am not going to pay 50 cents for the news. The valley has a terrible newspaper. I've done my neighbor a service. He won't have to read that dribble today."

If I do not read the rest of this post, you have already made laugh more today than I have in the past three days. God damn man, that is one fucking funny way to open a post. It almost rivals your 'Javier and the royal we' line.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Okay I just finished it, you bastard. You managed to beat your opener with this sentence: "I was planning a fourth of july party, because no one will burn flags with me."

Holy fuck you are a genius. I bow down to you.

greensunflower said...

You fucking crack me up

Romius T. said...

doctor von mokeystein,

thank you so much! I amnot worthy of such respect.

Greenflower,

I love to hear from my readers, I cheked out yourblog. Me likey!
I think we have few things in common! I like how you sleep for 12 hours and are unable to respond to direct questioning.

Freida Bee said...

I would have burned flags with you, had I known.