Thursday, June 14, 2007

Is This The Dénouement?***


Denny's: The Interview Part Two


I did not ride the bus to the interview this time. I got a ride from a friend. I know what you are thinking. Things are looking up for me already. I would just like to remind you that I am getting driven to a second interview for a job that comes with all the free hair nets you can ask for.

I am greeted by the same server as last time. She asks if I want water "again." I guess that means she recognizes me.* Like I am some kind of rock star. Now I know what it feels like to be Britney Spears. Except I almost never have the desire to wear pink panties in public. I would wear them at home but my ex-girl friends tell me that my ass is too big.

I wait 10 minutes for Javier to stroll out from the manger's office behind the hallway. He tells me that he "didn't know I was coming for an interview" and that the General Manager "never mentioned me." Not even once. Nothing at all about me wearing clown shoes to the interview. ****
Once again I am not really interviewed. I get asked one standard question about how to deal with bad customers. Javier spends the rest of the time telling me how bad employees are these days.

"We used to think that only teenagers were irresponsible, but I know 40 year old servers who used to be managers that call in late all the time. They are always getting flat tires or going to funerals."

I was completely taken aback by Javier's use of the Royal We and with his inability to comprehend 40 year old managers that get busted down to server taking time off to visit dead family members before they get placed underground.

I think Javier just wanted to make sure I wouldn't make any racial comments. "Denny's is famous for that." He tells me. I am not sure if he is proud of that fact or not. But I look really white today. Khakis and dress shoes make me look middle aged. And white people are racists. So I am glad Javier checked me out for that. I told him I had a Mexican drive me to the interview. So I think he knows that I like Mexicans. I did not tell him I was married to a Mexican for 6 short months. Because Mexicans don't like it when White Men marry their women.


Javier did not offer me the job. But he did tell me that he would talk to the manager who forgot about me. I know you are all hope that I don't get the job. So I can keep going on this series of interviews. But that's because you have it out for me.

*I get it you know me. I'm famous. 37 people read my blog every other day. You know I like to I like to drink water when it is hot outside. And that I feel too guilty to ask for a free coke at an interview and yes that means I've got "issues." But what celebrity doesn't?

*** If I left this title as a comment on your MySpace I am recycling it because I am lazy.

**** Instead I wore my "fancy" dress shoes.

***

I've been Tagged by a monkee.

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. (You’re not the boss of me!)
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog

  1. I like sunflower seeds, but no longer eat them.
  2. Every road trip starts off with a bag of Funyuns.
  3. I did this list because I like monkee man not because I like being tagged.
  4. I can't think of any talents

4 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

This post is perhaps the single funniest thing I have ever read on any blog you write, not that you care or anything. Thanks for the link and for doing the meme I tagged you with.

Holy god man, "I was completely taken aback by Javier's use of the Royal We...," will crack me up for years to come.

I give thanks to the dark gods that spawned me that you write like you write and not like David Mamet. There is only one Mamet and only one you. Oddly enough though, there are like 15 of me, so go figure.

Romius T. said...

Kind words, Doctor Von Monkeystein.
I was wondering if anybody would get the royal we joke!

Dr. Stephanie said...

Mr. Javier is nothing, if not a polished human resources professional.

That was teh hilarious! I can totally picture the whole thing happening.

I remember my interview for my first job after college. The guy just talked and talked and talked, and didn't ask me a thing. Until the very end, when he said, "So would you be interested?" I said, "Sure." And subsequently became the well-adjusted person you see today.

Romius T. said...

I see Doc. I don't think I am getting this job. Maybe thats why I am not as well adjusted as you!