Wednesday, June 20, 2007

The Drunken Mis-Adventures of Romius T.

I've been on a bit of a roll. Today, which is your yesterday, was the fourth straight day I woke up after 6 in the evening. Which is not to say that I don't get anything done during the day. It's just for me the day ends when you wake up.

I have a bad feeling about my chances of getting hired by Denny's. The manager still has not called me back to tell me I have the job. I've played phone tag all week with Denny's after two of the best interviews of my life. That's why I spent all last night applying for jobs online at a certain "prestigious" university nearby.

I better get one of these jobs soon. I owe $3.50 for an overdue book at the library. Add a total of $2.50 more on two other books. I am getting charged so much because some other asshole wants to read the God Delusion. The asshole must have placed a hold on the book because a hold won't allow me to renew the book. I'd return the book, but it is 115 degrees this week. I can't bike in that heat and the bus is 2 dollars and 50 cents round trip. Add a stop at Wendy's for lunch along the way and my bill for reading this damn book is 13 dollars. Which is like 13 cans of beer I won't be able to drink.

I was going to blog today about last nights drinking, but not a lot happened. I talked to a bartender over at Teakwoods that hates me. I had asked her for an application the last time I had gone in to that bar. That day she noticed that I looked different. "What's wrong you look a bit nervous." You see why I do so good at interviews.
I don't have a chance with this bartender because my good friend the FRO has dished quite a bit of gossip to her. And too much of the gossip is true. Not to mention that she is married. Not that that has stopped me before. Married women love me. I have to beat them off with a stick. Ask the Drug Monkey.

I got a headache last night even though I didn't drink any PBR. I don't have a headache today though. But my poop was brine yellow. I am not sure if brine yellow is even a color.

I mention my poop because it reminded me that I ate a lot of peanuts last night. Teakwoods gives peanuts away for free and you get to throw the shells on the floor. Folks in the Ghetto love to throw their peanut shells on the floor. Ask any redneck or ghetto dweller what the best part of their favorite bar is, they will nearly always respond with the "you can throw your peanut shells on the floor!"

Since I waited since to post last night's drinking story today, I will go ahead and post tonight's drinking story as well. We were at the Dollar PBR bar. Only today is not Dollar PBR. So instead we drank 4 or 6 pitchers of beer. The beer was warm and we stuck a plastic cup of full of ice in the pitcher to keep it cold. Then I would digg my hands into the cup for ice to put in my beer. I think this offended quite a few people at the bar.

The PBR Bar gets busy late at night because you can drink after closing time. It was getting busy about that time when a couple of FEMDOM girls walked in. One girl was dressed all up in pink leather spandex mini skirt. The other two girls were just bi-curious females along for the ride.

For those of you don't know about FEMDOM I'll explain. Now normally I don't like talking about my fetishes. Unless I am going to be paying $2.99 a minute to do so. But for you I will. Actually why don't I just let my master tell you.

Self Help Center Advice on Domestic Abuse:

"I bet I could end most cases of domestic violence by simply advising young poor women to allow their men to throw nut shells on the kitchen floor."


Jezebelsriot said...

Excellent advice. Your poop is fine. Mine turns all sorts of rainbow colors and sometimes smells like perming solution after too many Budweisers, which just proves that Budweiser is disgusting beer.

Dr. Stephanie said...

Now THAT is an interesting theory. My little sister is in women's studies; perhaps I should get you 2 together for research projects.

Romius T. said...

I am going to keep track of my poop. In case I die of some poop related disease refer my doctor to this website.

Dr. Stephanie

I would love to meet your sister and discuss* my related research. Please direct her to this webpage!

* I avoid footnoting for the general public after a several aborted attempts to do so enraged my ignorant and dull readership.