Saturday, June 30, 2007

Have you see my bottle of relish?**

I am not sure where it went. I have heard that quantum physics provides for the possibility that it simply “popped” out of existence. Doubtful I am sure. But it is the only possibility that I can seriously consider at this point. I can't remember the brand name, but it was spicy hot dog relish. If you find it, can you please return it to me straight away?

Food has been troubling me lately. A box of wheat thins sat on the edge of my coffee table. Its presence was disturbing to me. Not just because it was blocking the telly either.

I can anticipate your response to my concerns. You will tell me that Darfur is still awful. That getting so upset over a missing bottle of hot dog condiment is immoral or stupid.

But things just don't disappear. My materialist point of view has been called into question. The soundtrack of my brain has been playing creepy music from the Scorpions all day. Coincidence? I think not. The universe is trying to tell me something. How else do you explain my sudden use of English terms like telly? Certainly not just from reading Philip Davison. He's Irish after all.

Update # 2

After throwing a temper tantrum and scrounging my rubbish can I decided to eat hot dogs for dinner. I topped them with sweet relish packets I took from a local Circle K.

A few hours later I looked in the fridge. I found the bottle of relish exactly where I had left it. It is impossible. I tore apart that fridge. I saw nothing. But now here it is. Sitting peacefully in the door shelf. Mocking me. I wonder, did you find it and return it to me? What do you know of secrets found in Quantum Physics? And what do you want of me?

**Blogger lost the original wording to this post. I have tried to reconstruct it, but alas this is all I can do.

The Awesome Kerry Howley E-mailed me. I sent two e-mails to her and she responded to them with a witty retort.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'm takin' the fifth on this one Sparky. I'm sure you understand.

greensunflower said...

My dildo disapeared in a similar fashion, so I stole your bottle of relish, to use in a pinch. Dont worry I washed it well.

Romius T. said...

Von Monkeystein,

My new nickname, sparky, I am not sure what to make of it.


Aren't you worried where your dildo went? And who used it? maybe they aren't quite as hygenic as you are. BEing all nursey and stuff, you know the value in soap and water.

greensunflower said...

I think my cleaning lady may have stolen it. She seems more hard up than I am, so that is okay. I also have three others and it wasnt my favorite

You may ask then why I stole your relish? Well it was the closest in size to my lost friend, and seemed like the right choice.

Evil Spock said...

You realize that Fox News ropes you in with delicious little tarts, and the next thing you know you're hating gays and finding WMD's in your neighbor's yard.

Do yourself a favor and stick to internet porn like Evil Spock.

Cavalor Epthith said...

And people ask us why we are a pro-Heisenberg blog? The relish is the proof! Keep up the good work!